attempting to understand the idea of inadequacy

The climate of the world created by modernism seems so to crave social control that it denies an individual person their value. We are so subject to the comparative statistics (as reported by a favored politically correct media) that we suddenly become obsessed with gauging our net value to standards written by advertising moguls and plagued by an undermined ethics degenerated in a justification principle. Yet, there so often exists a resilience to change in the wake of this new world that we succumb to the symptoms of this mania, unable to recognize the core truth of ourselves beyond the unit of society who defines us.

I feel failed in attempting to understand this, to define this, or act upon this while witnessing countless acquaintances absorbed in a mass hysterically proposed idea of consumerism, mindlessly buying or devouring items of little necessity for the sake of ‘raising’ their value. There are others I have witnessed that choose to substitute their emptiness by taking power from those around them, controlling behavior in management, or the practice of using romantic facades to temporarily satisfy a false sense of self worth or physical fulfillment. Another acquaintance feels her net worth will rise if she dates ‘socially upward’, sacrificing any and all other responsibilities in her life for the sake of momentarily being able to use or control a suitor for his status, until her emptiness and boredom sets in and she harshly cuts him off. The hurt and negative energy forms multiplying channels of exponentially increasing negative forces, yet each person echoes a justification principle meant to find absolution without truthful confession.

What is this torturous adoption of inadequacy we have chosen in this society? It has become a wonderful tool of the corporate and government financial wheels, as the targeted masses of individuals have become the desperate fund raisers for an ever impulsive power system with only selfish cause. Perhaps history lessons were not clear enough with previous fallen gluttonous empires, as consumers have so willingly paid increasing taxes and purchased store houses of unnecessary goods designed to funnel money to the ‘managers’ of power, military, sweatshops, energy and resources. At the whim of an advertiser’s remark, or a popular celebrity, entrepreneurs and business moguls alike seem thrilled to mass sell millions of ‘fad’ symbols.

A question comes to mind: Where does this end? How many trash bags and storage sheds are needed to supplement the bottomless pit of inadequacy that is the psychological generator of buying frenzies?

Maybe people just require a moment of reconnection of their mind and spirit and body—with more energy to feeding the mind and spirit with the things that have been forgotten, the things of a simpler world and time, the things that remind us how valuable each one of us actually is.

dealing with reality?

Isn’t it funny how in this mature era of discovery in the human chapters, with all of our technology and advances- our most ‘civilized’ societies have become computer burdened recluses in our four walled shelters?
Scientists have only begun to recently (within the past few decades) remark on the necessity of the human spirit and soul to require the essence of physical contact and touch. They have spoken of the infant chimps who barely survived in angst when neglected of caress; and of the abandoned orphan children near Chernobyl in Russia. The toddlers and pre-adolescent ages behaviors are marked with desperate self-hugging and rocking in place, as though to attempt to grasp a rhythm of a loving physical, tangible heartbeat. The eyes are hollowed symbols of fear and anger, representing the war of the spirit trapped in a physical form that seems doomed to remain segregated from life itself, unwanted, untouched, and unloved. When approached, these spirits that learned only to fear living, cannot comprehend the sensitivities of those who have found the joy of experience in this life. These isolated souls react defensively, again in fear, anger, even jealousy and hatred from any reproach by those of us fortunate enough to grow understanding our physical connections. These souls, are expressing the most genuine form of stress, some even choosing death without ever realizing why.
Why then, do we think we become less in need of such contact now? The years of science and technology has brought us amazing abilities to communicate with wireless transmissions and video plug ins. What an interesting way we interpret ‘staying in touch’. After all the surveys, studies and articles are reviewed- a majority of people in this society are depressed, lonely, ‘needing a hug’. There was a viral video the other year, of people performing ‘random hugs’. After the Virginia Tech shooting, students were giving ‘free hugs’. People go on desperate consumer spending sprees, focus on money and work, crave attention and ‘hook up’ for random sexual encounters, act wildly or lash out all for the sake of something missing in their lives. We have become, so used to a disparity of ‘touch’ and face to face community, replacing it with Facebook and Twitter, My Space and wireless devices, that we seem to be regressing to a state of angst. We tell ourselves to ‘meditate’, to reduce stress, to take vacations. Pharmacy companies and doctors have made it a billion dollar industry to prescribe SSRI’s for SAD. People can no longer handle drama and traumatic events of life (real human emotional ones) anymore in this society. We have become digressed away from core human primal matters and depths of our psyche in pursuit of the "image", "advancement", "material", etc. We force ourselves to ‘snap out of it’ – afraid to admit to ourselves our need for human contact. We are told by corporations and “modern” communities that we ‘ought’ to ‘toughen up’ and survive. Promoters advertise the ‘lone heroes’ and the solo nature travelers as ‘amazing’. Stories of the lone survivors and lone champions are projected as success--- as the strongest and bravest. We are taught we are supposed to overcome, without needing others.
However, eventually, almost none of the ‘loners’ exist truly ‘alone’ their entire lives. Alone people eventually have pets, friends in nature, and companions with whom to grow. Or, they had an amazing support system through out periods of their lives, regardless of spiritual self-strength. It is through this physical contact that our emotional and core human creativity can be supported to grow. This has been a principle root required for intuitive survival, development of societies, discoveries and ingenuity of sciences that advanced us to present day. Without it, we are lost and incapable regardless of our "advances". Facing, living, allowing and dealing with this truth makes us stronger, better, more creative, more intelligent and satisfied (happier) humans with more confidence to face every situation in life with compassion; and stronger in each individual position.
Perhaps we need to study this and realize we grow from connectivity and contact throughout our entire lives and not just during a critical moments of childhood. Perhaps there might have even been an intentional moment during our technological growth that caused us to segregate ourselves from each other. Perhaps by rejecting isolation, we might find new levels of understanding and depend less on self-destructive behavior, anxiety control medication and shopping sprees as forms to fill the voids. Perhaps we need this to remember our connectivity to each other, the world and the universe….

a philosophy of gratitude and peace

Sometimes, people forget loyalties and gratitude in times of trouble and worry. It is truly unintenional, I believe, however, people forget to recall all the energies freely given to them in exchanges of friendships and family. They forget energy is to be shared and expanded, becoming absorbed in reveling in the soft glow of the light that was given to them.
Unfortunately- when energy is not returned and shared properly, it creates a void, a negative hole- and a wall begins to separate the previous harmony in motion.
Peace and life- is meant to be awareness of the beautiful exchanges that are moments to be shared and never forgotten or taken from another. A true lifestyle change occurs when these things are taken into heart, body, mind and soul---
Once completely accepted as part of one's self-core- and lived as a true philosophy-
then and only then, can we expect to understand how to find peace in the rest of society--

the truth of empowerment

Recently events unfolded that disclosed to me the stages of developing self-empowerment.

1. Be very honest to yourself about who you are (don't blind yourself or skew your truth)

2. Learn from around AND within you

3. Be respectful to the universe and to the world around you; understand the interconnectedness.

4. While being respectful, be true to your own nature (in other words, be wild and free within reason of respect to others and the world)

5. LEARN AND KNOW your own value, your self-worth

6. Believe in your self-worth

7. OWN your true nature and your self-worth

8. Emote your value, your truth, your self-worth--- and NUTURE it with unconditional love to yourself, the world and the universe.

9. Face your life challenges while truly OWNING all of the above.

This, is the core to self-empowerment. It will evolve, it will shift, it will remain flexible. But the grounded center of all of this, remains as our inner guide that no other living being may shed from who we define as our soul and persona. That is our "raison d'etre", our choice, our free will.

the 'chi' factor

In studying 'chi' energy recently-- (or call it prahna, soul, etc.), the thought occured how rapidly we feel drained of personal chi in this world. The need to recoup our strength is constant-- the rush of losing time is constant-- the feeling of 'lostness' is constant. When our chi is healthy- we are intertwined with the universe, at one with the rhythm it offers and the cycles of nature-- and it is easy to feel contentment.

Taking the observation further-- it seems the entire 'new western' society is set up to drain our chi. Centuries past, humans created all things necessary as though it were a special work of art, as quality meant long term use, pride, respect and, in those times-- efficiency. The time to gather materials and recreate a bow and re-tool arrows would be enormous and they might miss their opportunity to hunt for food or protect themselves during attack. A good bow and good arrows, built to last, meant survival. A well made piece of clothing or jewelry, showed admirable skills and display of such God gifted talent often received respect from others. And such talent would often be a reminder of the generosity of the Great Spirit and the Universe-- to bestow upon us the tools and the muses of creativity.

However, then came the new rules of economics. Enforce capitalism by laws of supply and demand. The most successful companies also learned to market a supposed 'demand' to a populous who did not even require the goods they produced. Before long, comparative envy became another tool in the evolving layers of the 'new rules of business engagement'. And then, a marvelous theory called 'mass production'.

In mass production, a single creator (or small creative team) -- would focus all their chi into a project and design. Every detail would be pre-conceptualized into the theory, then the best points of the theory, created into a real design. But, that prototype would suddenly have to be made into large replications, to 'supply' the 'created demand' for that item. Interestingly, to 'capitalize' on the extended potential income, competing companies, even in other countries, would stamp out 'knock-offs' of the original design to attempt to fulfill more of the 'created demand'.

With each step of urgency-- the originally intended 'chi' becomes diminished into the ever growing pyramid that re-distributes the delicate weave of the chi branches into more and more sub-chains. Like a single drop of red dye turning a cup of water red, then pouring the cup into a pitcher, then pouring that into a lake, and so on. Eventually, the red dye that might represent the original chi is so diminished, there is no trace of the life giving force at the point of origin.

Then as the mass produced items are purchased, one might recognize how much weaker and less sturdy each generation of production becomes. The company, in order to become more efficient, may even order 'stream-lining' cuts to cost of production each quarter or year-- eventually, further reducing any initial chi. Quality and pride suffers--- and at the end, there is no respect or life left in the product. The consumers who purchase them might find a fickle moment of joy in owning the item, then toss it the month as much in the behavior of the convenience store society we have become. And the employees who produce the item see more of it in the garbage, and feel more pride and more chi drained from their system as the realization of producing eventual garbage becomes a reality.

The most dangerous underlying factor is, with each low cost produced fanciful item we purchase and toss, we must devise a means of making up for it's lack of chi by losing more of our own chi. We will need more time to find a replacement-- more earnings and money to pay for its replacement -- less joy (draining of chi) after gaining the 'trash' and having to clean up -- and even give up more chi as we must spend time to properly dispose of the 'garbage'. Environmentally, we must rob the earth of resources and elements and its chi to make further replacements and then we are robbed of even more time so more chi is lost. We become the hamsters in the wheel-- trapped by the ever diminishing returns of power failure in a system that continues to break down with the multiple weak links due to lack of chi to support life in the system.

In the end, the earth is robbed, the air and water become polluted, we become ill and stressed and all of the efficiencies of mass production and mass economy become the ever enlarging black hole with no exchange of chi returned to us. The temporary spurts of energy felt become a disappointing facade that only lures to embrace the last of our chi from us.

Perhaps then, the old crafters and Amish farmers that spend the extra hours whittling with a small blade, or tilling soil with a stubborn mule --- but with inventions and crafts that last decades without fail, or bountiful harvests in unforgiving conditions---- do indeed have a secret to share. Perhaps their silent exchange of chi gives respected life to the impossible, only to mock the convenience store lifestyles with an assured efficient lifestyle of simplicity with things that never fail and are always dependable?

when business became bad....

It seems business too was an invention of mankind born out of necessity to communicate--- and initially managed by compassion and humanity for the good of humanity (equalizing distribution, equalizing shares, provisions for necessity means) ---
But... then the idea of power and greed devised a means of creating a sense of 'scarcity' and 'insecurity', or at least, projecting it through examples of natural disasters that 'might' come. How interesting it was for those few who displayed their desire to control as a creator would and founded the means and ways to attempt to control mass numbers of humans through business. These souls of discontent who seat in themselves an empty space without grounding have evolved to control our necessities, to try to control what we think as 'necessities' - and even, when we are allowed to sleep, eat, etc--

These sadly impoverished souls who know not alternative sateity seem only to know to seek power--- by means of attempting to control our individual internal rhythms-- to control our spirit through forced behavior and then 'they' can take our minds to justify themselves as being 'right' when taking advantage of the eager ones who would contribute and interact out of joy--

Because for a moment- these lost ones feel as though stealing some 'chi' (by making another person afraid, hungry, lost, or in loss) from another would satisfy them-- only to find an inner emptiness again- and lonely and at another loss---

So the cycle of the fickle business machine devised from this became at best-- a revolving door of throw away moments and destructibles based on extraordinary short time production without concessions for quality or thought to the beauty of the chi in crafting such inventions. Business and math were made to create a time clock to force an alternate necessity- to remove the human factors that were so foreign to the lost ones in the new political machines.

And it was only for several centuries of human history, as is now- business became bad as it has no longer the purpose to serve, it is has become the means for those who wish to be served.

Perhaps we must discuss the 'chi factor' and reclaim our humanity?

Symptoms of a Flawed Value System

During the dawn of modern man when survival was a day to day ritual, perhaps humans found no need for commerce and trade. Food was from hunt, as was warmth and clothing-- and shelter, provided by nature. But somehow, perhaps about 45,000 years ago or so--something changed. We 'evolved' into a new state of self-realization. We began to discover ourselves, to compare, to store supplies after gathering and organized our 'wolf-pack' demeanors into a different hierarchal society structure. When faced with the first thoughts of coveting, we discovered envy. Not the justifiable envy of survival-- when a hungry beta pack animal salivates as the alpha enjoys the first draw after the hunt--- but rather--- one in which we found an insatiable desire for things we might determine as extraordinary.

Ah-- but how to communicate such a description? How does one compare perceived value?

Then on another day in another century-- human-kind invented a scoring system we now call math. Numbers to assign value. Numbers that would categorically add, subtract, multiply and divide, even project, extrapolate and predict, with 'derivatives', a future system of values. Humans began to self-judge, and then judge others, based on this assigned value system, as invented by humans.

Yes--- it was necessary to create communications and order, to be able to communicate what was observed to a stranger. Numbers had no emotion and was easily non-intimidating as it became a black and white system without colours. After all, most humans have five digits on each hand and foot, then, symmetry in two, and are often 'paired' by two. Yin and yang, black and white, male and female, day and night all made 'sense' in an orderly fashion with the use of numbers.

Then suddenly, as the pride of humans grew while entering the journey of unraveling some of the mysteries of nature and the universe-- the desire of man to become immortal through an invention to create an even greater self-worth became a paramount drive. Somehow still, these same men grounded themselves with an undeniable spirituality (whether fraught with human assigned value errors or not) --- that God (or a universal Great Spirit) had ordained them with a destined pre-existing self-worth that could not be denied by any other man. Their grounded faith found them a unique confidence to interpret a new vision of invention to become glorious within their place in the universe.

Then there is today.

After world wars and globalization of economies, as the hierarchy status of each individual has become diminished and removed from the grounding each once enjoyed--- it seems, we have created a new numerical based value system within our spiritual core, forgetting the pre-existence of our individual value. Many governing systems seemed to find this 'necessary' to maintain social order, as the populations exploded beyond their control. Thus, we no longer seem to exist to fulfill our destiny; instead, our confidence is crushed if we do not 'covet' enough or possess enough. We are no longer valued for ourselves, but rather, for the amassing of alternatively valued items that hold nothing more than a temporary decor of our physical bodies in our short lifetimes.

Perhaps--- if we try to realize an alternate perception of ourselves and our surroundings--- we might recall how we 'invented' this value system that came after the beauty of the creation that existed before us?

meditation exercise I

choose a soothing background sound, like a very soft meditative music album, or, listen to sounds of nature while visualizing a smooth flowing ocean current, swishing against the worn stones and sand by the water's edge, with a late spring sun warming the skin and a gentle wind breathing into the roots of the hairs ------
and listen to an occasional bird lit golden by the rays of the sun, one that might whistle overhead while gliding across a perfectly blue sky.

Let the rhythmic tide wash in then dissolve outward, in a very slow cradle like rocking, gentle, slow, like a sleeping heartbeat. Breathe to the sway of the ocean at the most peaceful sunrise, gently, peacefully--- dare not to let the sounds of the tide be disturbed by your breath. Let yourself ascend and become mystified, light-headed, slowly breathing in the sea mist --- and feel each invisible droplet of energy, of the beginning of life, of the same salt water that is flowing through our own veins. Let the mist infuse the body through the lungs, let the energy merge into your blood--- a golden energy originating from the center of the universe from the very beginning of time.

Let the golden energy alight your spirit with warm golden hues that reach out the smallest sparks and rays---

Let those rays reach out and extend to find the bird that flew across the blue sky---
breathe in--- then as you slowly breathe out, let the golden rays from your body reach out and attach itself to the bird flying higher towards the sunlight--- higher into the sky--- farther towards the stars in the universe----

Fly with the bird until you start to reach the edge of space far above the atmosphere of the earth--- and see the wonder of the planets and satellites floating and spinning in all directions-- weightless, but with just enough gravity to hold orbit--- but you are weightless and flying with the golden bird....

Fly beyond the universe, past the darkest blackness ---- until it is so dark you cannot see the bird, but you can feel and know the bird is still guiding you and pulling you to your destination---

Fly with the bird through the darkness until there is no more darkness left---

into the whitest most brilliant light --- where there is nothing else but the brilliant warm light, perfect silence, and the bird that still leads you --- the golden shine of the bird melds into the brilliance of the light and there is then nothing left but the peacefulness and your consciousness, knowing you are there and being fed by this perfect light and peace.

Let the stillness and silence be so pure and deafening... that finally--- there is a sound, a gentle soothing sound. A tone, musical, simple, yet somehow, there is a message. Feel each sound and tone...

See a glow coming from each sound and tone, see colors come out of the light and glow with each tone...

See the colors grow from the sounds and tone--- each one unique and pulsing with the beautiful sound---- pulsing, percussive, with a message...

A single thought or word, with each sound and tone--- a beautiful and powerful message, just for you and no one else.

Then see the word --- see the transformation of the word into a picture within the brilliant light that frames it------

When all the tones are transformed into the final picture, fold the picture gently, carefully-- and cup it into the palm of your hands. Caress it, place it into your heart and memory. Then as the bird whistles, follow the whistle until the bird leads your back through the universe, back to the earth. Glide with the bird down to the edge of the water. Gently land on the sand. Feel each grain of sand tickling, then massaging the skin on your feet. Start to walk on the sand, one step at a time and let the bird release you---

Let the brilliant blue of the sky flush color into your eyes and let the crashing sounds of the tide beat like a slow drum as you walk, then run, and sprint --- then
walk again fast, and be tickled by the water, and watch a dog snap back from a crab --- and laugh at the expression on the dog's face----

then awaken with a great deep breath ---- refreshed --- at peace ----

with the vision of a unique message from the universe, captured in your mind--- to guide your wakened soul into your waking hours.

meditation exercise II

Find a very comfortable and peaceful sunny spot, or a good bright lamp. Close your eyes and face the light as directly as you can. Keep your eyes closed for this entire vision journey. Let the light on your closed eyes be so bright that it is hard to see darkness---

Let the light remind you of the first journey at the edge of the universe. So peaceful, like the golden bird gliding through space… disappearing as it was immersed by light. Let the light cast warmth on you. This time, feel it beaming onto your forehead and cascading over your eyelids. Feel a glow vibrating and radiating from the skin of your eyelids. Let your body settle into its center and pause.... sit with the moment. See the insides of your eyelids--- the light casting color inside resting eyelids. Feel how it is like a warm towel gently across the face---- see the pink and green hues cast of the light inside your eyelids.

Keeping your eyes closed, move the eyes around in circles, or horizontally or vertically, without pattern. Feel the eyeballs inside the sockets, floating within their orbits, attached, but somewhat independent-- as if they could almost have a life of their own. Let the eyes move around a little more, slowing the movement down. Gently, slowly... explore how much the eyes will stretch their movement at your asking. Give the eyes so much room to move-- let them stretch so far, that the head may try to follow the movement of the eyes.

Let the eyes find a comfortable seat in the sockets--- let them sway to the calm rhythm of breathing --- let them slow, until they rest... and you become only aware of warmth and light enveloping the calm closed eyes...... and your slow, relaxed breathing...hear the breathing for a moment ...

then within the mind, see how the cascading light moves in tiny pulses and beams against the shaded background... see the light moving... washing, caressing, cascading... like a gentle mist on a sunny day, casting many colors, as a rainbow....

... let the brightest and warmest gentle mist of the colorful light be felt by your nostrils---- coming into your nostrils with each breath drawn in. See it moving, around the back of the sinus, down your throat--- feel the warm of the light caressing and entering the bronchial tubes and expanding the lungs...

feel the expansion and contraction of the lungs and chest... see the light casting a healing, powerful glow into the lungs... and see it glowing there... even as you breathe out--- see it getting stronger with each breath drawn in... and watch the little rays of light form tiny energy beams that move with the capillaries of the lungs, gently flowing.... to the heart.... until the entire lungs and rib cage become a single shining light, alive, with the brightest concentration of light, at the heart...

See the ball of light enveloping the heart, outlining and forming the heart...
feel how it warms the heart, how it moves with the heart...
hear each beat of the heart... surge energy into the light... expanding, contracting---
until the overflow rushes into the arteries... with each pulse... traveling... warming... glowing healing newborn energy--- from the sun, from the universe... distant stars....

watch and feel the movement of the energizing light streaming and moving through the vessels of the body... travel with it, around the stomach and abdomen... move slowly with it, to feel each organ, each rib and bone in the body…see each part infused with energy...

travel through ---feel the amazement of the organs together, so perfectly.... living as one...
explore and feel every space inside the body with the light... feel the muscles around each area moving, in unison... light infusing each strand through the life giving vessels that rush through...

continue to follow the light through vessels down into each leg,... alighting each area, down through the thigh... going around the knee, massaging the calf, sliding down the Achilles... streaming into the foot... see the entire leg shining, infused, with the light...

then each arm, to the hands.. one at a time slowly through the elbows...then, each part of the spine... to the very top of the head... until the you feel the rush of energy crawling from the top of the spine through the follicles and the top of the head... radiating..... until the body is completely outlined and radiating light... completely at one with your vision... with your spirit and mind... ... relaxed as one... be awed and amazed at the gift of feeling each part of the body... feel the healing and warm light infusing…

listen to each organ and cell... feel how each part is as one... how each is grateful for life... for connection... for movement... for breath... and how the light is grateful to enter and feel each microcosm and cell within this unique body….

when ready---- keep the eyes closed, and slowly let the head drop and roll the back down to stretch the spine... roll back up to straighten...
move and straighten the fingers and rotate the wrists... eventually stretching the arms...
and breathe in a deep breath... exhale any stale air and excess energy.... breathe in again deeply..

see the light encircling you, still enveloping your body, but starting to move around you like a gentle wind... see it blowing like a feather… surging gentle electric vibrations…
let it dissipate with the air around you... but continue to hold the traces and warmth in your body... as you move your head away from the bright light...

tighten the muscles in your abdomen... straighten your spine again... roll your shoulders... take five faster breaths.... (you may feel like yawning at this time)---
open your mouth and breathe through your mouth a few more times...

slowly open your eyes………take a moment to adjust your focus--- then ---
stretch your body gently, stand... balance, awaken ....

meditation exercise III

Envision your body as pure light after drawing the misty rainbows through your nostrils from the sun and the universe.
Explore the radiance of your unique self in form--- and become comfortable with your light body---

Feel light, floating, energized and radiant in every cell... alive and sparking... surging from the heart, through the limbs and the spine... through the top of the spine into the base of the head... to the very top of the head... until you feel the rush of electric energy crawling through each of the follicles and the top of the head...sparking... tingling...pulsing….

feel this energy tingling your toes, your finger tips... hear it exploding outward with your spirit... expanding your aura---- freeing your spirit like an eagle taking flight from its nest on a picturesque mountain --

feel your arms tingle with the anticipation of spreading like wings with multi-colored feathers--- pulling you—stretching your mind as you feel lighter… flying… your spirit free, formless or in the outline of your body, if you choose, but without any boundaries….

until you are only light and air, free to glide effortless, dancing with the winds like an butterfly floating in a warm breeze and playfully twirling against a deep blue sky…

feel the connection of the light from the sun and the light of your spirit moving you further up in the sky like a balloon let go by a child - fly higher with the balloon, reaching out into the universe, into space…. to other planets… and galaxies… to other stars….
Float weightless in the universe… let the darkness feel like a gentle, soft, warm womb…. and watch the light from your spirit set a glow of energy in this darkness…

While gliding harmoniously in this vast space… see yourself spinning and playing and moving through galaxies and around planets and stars… listen to the gentle whispers and pitches from your movement in the universe ---

Watch and listen as the rays from your spirit spark off from sparklers from firecrackers…
Follow one of the sparks and be mesmerized by it spinning and growing, exploding into a newborn star, becoming life, energy -- then another spark, then another star…and another

See how your light beams through the reaches of the universe... feel the light of your vision, from depths of your soul... being like one of the millions of stars...

Merging with the rays of the farthest stars...
until connecting to the place you visited before, the place beyond the edges of the universe, where there is no darkness... and where the beautiful tones gently sooth and convey thought and energy… listening for your sparks and whispers and your energy---

As it always has been…. and forever endless… and beyond all boundaries…
feel this thought… know this thought… born anew… craving the songs, visions of life…

When ready to return…. follow the trails of light to the newborn stars, let the traces of sounds lead you back through the darkness… to the other stars… to the other planets….
leaving a thin trail of light and a hum connected to each place.. Connected to you, your light… always connected…. living…
receiving and exchanging energies and thoughts…
like a consciousness connected timelessly…always awake… alive

Then become like an eagle landing… spy a soft clearing with fresh young grass, on soft soil, moist with dew... Swoop down and land on the grass gently with your bare feet.
Feel the energy of the grass surging into the soles with the energy radiating from earth.
Scream like the eagle within your mind and soul--- hear the high pitch echo the songs of the universe….

Let the energy of the earth tingle through the body, traveling through your spine to awaken your limbs and your muscles…
let it feel like a wonderful stretch after a perfect night’s rest on a comfortable feather bed, see a warm, sunlit morning… feeling like you’ve risen from the deepest tender sleep and loving caress…

Then yawn to breathe deeply… and breathe out your first morning breath… as if to greet a first new day… remembering each detail of your dream…still connected to the light…
anticipating the exchange of messages through this connection as it is born in your waking conscious again…
alert….
alive…
living...
then open your eyes…
ground yourself to your physical world….

a true center 'of and from' gravity

When there was a time with too much unknowns, human placed a grand amount of trust into a world deemed mysterious and ruled by supernatural beings that influenced our very core of existence.

In our current world, with so much 'explained' through science, we often wonder if there is even a mystery left to be had. Yet, there is a fundamental basis of core religions subscribed to by most of the advanced and civilized cultures of the world. The sense of oneness that increasingly develops from the studies of the differences of the religions, is that there is a core need for a sense of universal knowing, a universal security and a bonding force with the last of the mysteries, and a human need to feel a belonging in a world that does not see clear to explain our purpose and destiny. It is not for the need to find the ethical divide, nor is it the need to claim a singularity of force, or to satisfy our need to justify our actions.

In the ensuing confusion, some choose to not believe in a universal force or deity. Others choose to not believe until it is proven to them. There can be even more, who choose there is a non-existence for "such silly notions". And then, there are the ones who believe, who impose and who uphold their deity as the supreme sole being and themselves as the carriers of justice. Thus, politics and egocentric opinions enter the ring of spiritual argument and sway pendulums continually in directions skewing each of us away from our center of gravity, claiming we've evolved from our primal cores. This is where it becomes confusing-- as I seem to recall everyone from teachers to clergy telling me balance with an axis of center of gravity is necessary for our sanity.

Once, someone told me our intuition is never confused, so if our instincts and emotions feel confused, it is a sign of a negative force removing us from our true self-nature. So confusion is also a sign and a gateway-- for us to being our seeking, to claim our place and earn our self-awareness. Our curiosity and our seeking, and our creativity-- is what defines our differentiation from our primal core. We can choose to evolve from our primal selves, through spiritual, mental and physical evolution. It is our destiny to merge our universal spiritual link to the raw primal physical one within our most conscious selves - which insinuates a "balance". So how can I assume I am fulfilling my own evolutionary destiny if my vision becomes skewed? How do I remain on my own paths?

It is then I choose to block away the reality as I know it, entering the mystifying world deep in my psyche that sleeps. I deny not all the gifts of learning and experiencing all of the beautiful religions and cultures around the world-- the glory of Christ, the beauty of Allah and the peacefulness of Buddha, and more. I accept all of these things, I embrace them. I walk into them. I move to the world before their existence. I face my primal core-- the animal nature we all have inside. I choose to feel the state of being before there was judgement, with the rawness and purity of knowing only life and existence, the cycles of birth and death, regeneration and destruction. A peaceful swaying of rhythmic cycle, like the ocean tide rising and receding --- like the supernovas that stretch and retract in phases---- like a slow and smooth, gentle heartbeat. It's a state of knowing a permanence and a powerful connectivity that exists with no sense of denial or possessions and no knowing of existence or non-existence. It is a place where self-love of all that we are, the harsh primal core that can be angry, fearful, naive, loving, joyful, glorious and innocent all at once--- animal-like or pure and angelic-- it is the piece of the universal spirit that lives within us---

it is sometimes called our "God" center-- the one Buddha, Allah, Jesus (Christ), perhaps found---

in their own balance--

by loving and accepting their responsibility to their total self--- without any denials or regrets, within their center of gravity, merged with their central self away from physical gravity, but also merged with all of existence, all at once.

what a peaceful place it is, and what a synchronized symbiosis it would be--- if...

being grateful

A surprise box of gifts awaited me today at a post office box. In it were special treasures with special histories and applied meanings, each bearing a flow of pure heartfelt energy. In disbelief and speechless shock, I carefully open and feel each one with such a deep gratefulness and awe, I am uncertain as to how to express this in return. The extreme care of each ribbon and package was as evident as the detailed compositions on various stationary.

It was not the gifts themselves that touched me most. It was the amazing dedication and loving care, the preparation, the thought. The beauty of the energy could be felt, seen, smelled, touched --- making each opening a savored moment to treasure in an everlasting unique memory. These fond minutes become imprinted as genuine human relations that only humans have the capability of giving, sharing and experiencing with each other. It is the sum of these moments that give us a reality check from the ‘wired and wireless’ world of internet, television, mobile phones, GPS, LANs, satellite radios, etc. It is these moments that remind us to continue to have faith and trust in each other and in humanity.

This truth is one to be nurtured. It is our duty and our right --- our inheritance in order to preserve our future. We are not so far removed from our inner selves and the recent human pasts to have forgotten what we can truly offer, and how we can touch each other. It is not too late to remember how to behave like an individual positive, creative and loving human, no matter the robotic and personal assistants hired, for only then can we communicate and learn about our true nature. Some may even find their souls again---
And learn just how connected to the universe we always can choose to be if we listen...

If only one by one at a time--- if only each person chooses to continue to create these moments…. maybe the overflow of gratefulness with open heart just might bridge gaps and heal wounds with new bonds across the barriers of negative suspicions and reactions. If only, we would return to the humanity we could, should be, celebrating and embracing, rather than worry about the material values and lack of time. If only we had the courage to be in this place all the time, instead of part of the time. If only---

devaluing ourselves and our future---- observing our past…

In the era before modern industrialization, there was a sense of living within the molds of natural cycles as agriculture provided everything from transportation to clothing and food for us. Then something happened.

In the 1800’s, modern economic theories went through a boom period—a blend of mathematical arts and neo-politics, combined with inventions that suddenly allowed expanded travel and new visual perspectives--- created a medium ripe with opportunities of growth.

With the grandeur of travel and the growing world, imagination grew. Jules Verne wrote of the mysterious worlds within the world we know--- far away travels to ‘discover’ and wander to. Oscar Wilde pushed the sexual boundaries of the Victorian era while amusing the very proper households during evening cocktails and private parties. Science Fiction, Transcendentalism, Modernism and more, became born by a fireside in Switzerland as the new crop of writers influenced by the pre-Bauhaus and growing revolt against the puritanical standards tested boundaries. As railroad barons expanded their control of commodities in the USA, Zepplins took to the air and telegraphs made global communications across seas faster --- acquisitions grew, ships grew and dreams grew. The elite classes would develop even more taste for power through acquisitions--- and eventually, as individuals traveled further, it became less easy to transport the stock of amassed items.

By this time, almost all ‘discovered’ or ‘integrated’ civilizations had been practiced in the use of monetary exchange systems, whether in precious metals or printed notes. Contracts, remittances and legal demands in written, sealed form were ‘common’ among the civilized or advanced nations. To replace the weight and volumes of amassed items, it became a convenient luxury of the elite classes to simplify and carry ‘exchangeable’ goods, like money. Slowly but surely, it became the basis of the new training; we trained each other to understand the greater the amount of ‘money’, the more privileged and educated, the more blessed, the more ‘selected’ and powerful---

Conquests were not yet over, of course. However, conquests would amass more – but in order to conquest, it cost ‘money’ to pull farmers away from their crops and factory workers from the production lines. But in the days of nature based cycles and early industrial life, the suffering could be compensated for by some as people were well accustomed to ‘save for a rainy day’. There was hope one day, they too would amass enough to start a different life in a different place. Perhaps they might invest a little extra into the local church or business, or local community affairs, but in the anti-colonial imperial world, there was less likely to go to governments that would engage in conquest wars. Without solidarity by religion or by feudal monarchs, it would need ideology and shared imagination. It would mean people would have to be taught a new value system on money, where if the returns from wars and conquests were not directly shared with everyone, the farmers and the factory workers wouldn’t notice. It would mean people would have to get used to seeing the tangible as an intangible, so they’d be removed from the physical reality and place their ‘faith’ in a new banking and economic system, validated and vouched for by their government.

Then there came credit. A perfect imaginary hole we call ‘investments’ but where we sign the rights of our real earned assets and collections to those awarded the authority to create paper returns for investors. Generations later, we’ve all become accustomed to the complexities of the terms and the ever-changing theories and derivatives. And we are sold on the idea of using the ‘value’ of our ‘assets’ on paper as collateral towards buying cars, boats and houses on ‘credit’. Little, if ever, do any of us actually ever touch and feel, or see the actual ‘money’ now. Slowly, we’ve traded in bulky full wallets containing notes and turned all of it into mysterious electronic transactions to ‘speed up our lifestyle’. We are somehow convinced this is the ultimate barter system, where we are directly receiving goods while exchanging for such against the hard earned electronic dollar value automatically deposited into an account, somewhere. Or, we are awarded with goods if we have now amassed ‘credit’ to do so, instead of actual ‘money’.

It’s a funny thing when humans separate themselves from the tactile and sensory sensations from the physical things. We separated ourselves from nature enough that most children will never know the sight of curious wild fawns peering into their cabin bedroom windows. Eventually, almost no children in the Americas will taste a ripe apple as they pluck it off the tree for the first time by them.

As we separate ourselves from the complex flow of real cash, the numbers in the accounts become more blurry and the commercially large chain of economic linguistics run from one network advertised rumor and promise to another. We are told to be responsible and trained to follow the leaders of our generations. Confused and dazed and distracted by material desires like flash video images that influenced the MTV generation, we mindlessly wander into the advice of the neighbor’s favorite financial consultant and accountants. We cast out our trust and faith in ourselves while casting it blindly into (paid) advisors who are merely strangers. Then action films and television scripts command the time for our imagination to grow, as the days are spent walking amidst the multitude of human suits that toil for hours in a flow chain usually thousands of miles removed from the actual product, for the sake of our debit accounts becoming ‘credited’ with a paycheck that is hardly ever ‘cashed’ directly anymore.

And when the balance numbers decrease or become a negative value—we have become accustomed to assuming the values will ‘bounce back’ or, if we still have enough credit, we can ‘purchase’ extended time on things owed for a while. An endless cycle of imagined cash flowing in so many directions, we are asked to purchase spreadsheets programs and ‘quick books’ on our computers so we can ‘track’ it better.

It seems that shifting the physical reality of a solid piece of money, from gold, to silver, to paper notes and now to credit --- we are ultimately depreciating the physical sensation and when fully imaginary, it may become as valueless as a fairy tale. We’d not have any need to respect or appreciate what its origination was. We’d become even more confused as to what our productive purpose is for. A number in a networked computer system, just doesn’t seem to have as much value as an intangible object.

It’s funny how a smell or a particularly soft cloth might conjure up images of our childhood comfort zones, whether a musty smell of a grandparent’s basement or a damp pet, and a favorite teddy bear. Vaguely, I might occasionally recall the interior of an old bank on a Friday afternoon, when the mimeograph ink and stamp pads left slight chemical smells in the air with all of the fresh smell of money since the might have more on a Friday to accommodate everyone. There would be annoying long lines at times, but often, the memory of community members saying hello while in line, and the latest gossip from the tellers--- and the smiles by the bank managers handing out lollipops to children. One could sense the pride of hard earned labor as cash was counted into their hands. People would have respect for the cash, as they gently sorted what would be spent for groceries, going out, and bills. The tellers might also verify their checking account balances so the checks they need to send out next week would clear.

I don’t think all of this was done intentionally or planned in such organized fashion as to create a global domination matrix by a grand consortium. But I do often wonder the what if it were the days before credit and banks--- if barter systems would allow people to place their positive creative energies into creation of a practical and desired item—that could be exchanged for fresh corn and watermelon from the neighbor’s garden or farm. What if a grandmother’s special apple pies were baked fresh in exchange for a hand knitted scarf --- and the smell and sight and feel of those items were to be cherished again.

Instead we watch numbers going up and down on a screen not much different from the television videos that help create our modern fairy tales.

I wonder, what can we do to shift value back into our intangible system? How can value be added into the computer generated spreadsheets again? How can we feel that value again? Will we place more faith and trust back into ourselves if we can understand value again? If we can make those unappreciable things tangible again, how much more can we ‘feel’ again?

self-questions on self-faith and universal balance

Can one ever feel secure when competition surrounds or is imposed upon them?

Can one relax if ever the motto is to compete or fail?

Can spiritual self-guidance find faith in a world practicing a new religion of capitalism and aggressive economic imperialism?

Can uniqueness of an individual be celebrated in a world built on mass manufacturing and marketing?

Can a universal balance overcome and sustain?

Are we prepared to accept the responsibility of the challenge to assume each small role and duty for the universe instead of only receiving from its "miracles"?

All I wish for is freedom

I had this incredibly frustrating day that ended in my psyche feeling wretched, as though it was trapped like a mouse in a laboratory maze. Utterly defeated and helpless, I left the office and sat in the car and screamed my head off to relieve the stress before I started the engine. (No one was left at the workplace, I was the last one to leave, so no one was there to see.)

...and then it dawned on me....

The depravity of realizing fortuitous certain future profits is creating a sense of paranoia in the leadership of the company I work for. The board and the CEO seems to be under the influence of an antiquated version of aggressive parasitic economics as their solution. Yes, they were previously good and generous managers. Yes, they also were surviving on an extreme water slide of pure old fashioned luck. But, they had never lost before.

In their ensuing worry over their 401K and portfolio losses, apparently they decided to overtly exhibit their anxiousness and anger by funneling it toward the employees and dependants of the business they own--- the company that so many work for. The issue is how like with 'Reaganomics', the cesspool of negative energy trickles slowly downward to the extension of all the 'employees'. So various VP's and directors suddenly become extended voices of the new manifesto: "COST CUT, FIND MONEY, MAKE LARGER MARGINS, MAKE SALES HAPPEN OR FIRE EVERYONE"....

Suddenly there are demands for activity and project lists, minute by minute updates, increased workloads, severe productivity orders, AND --- a multitude of added conference calls, emails, meetings, checks, calls, text messages, project updates... and so on ... and then more priority shifts... more cancellations of projects... more experts... less staffing... new projects... ... ... ... ... ...

In the last few months, the new year has been met with a steady and silent punishment by the board members to make up for their losses. Gone are the bravos of the successes of last season or the inconceivably remarkable growth of the company acquisitions and distribution of the last few years. Gone is the former recognition for the successful launches of ribbon awarded products only a few months ago. In its place is a series of back stabbing, finger pointing, double speak politics and crumbling trust with a pride in cutting corners and many times, lies and round about talks to create diversion from the very lack of productivity caused by this new chaos. Somehow, the Madoff ponzi disaster that so directly affected the board's and manager's portfolios became our psychological burden, as the newly structured lay off patterns left only those who were politically savvy and eager to micromanage others in their quest to provide a dehumanized spreadsheet of our deemed 'usefulness'.

This new disease that spreads mental abrasion is actually an old one. Embarrassingly I recall the father reared by war that shed his negative management on my toddler hood, childhood, teen years--- and early adult years, until the day I left when I finally realized as much as I could not heal his emptiness or pain, he could no longer leash me from my freedom.

We are all born with the undeniable right of freedom, or so I wished to believe with all of my heart. Then a realization hits me in early adulthood. To live in a society that barters by credit and printed money-- I am shackled to the burden of trading my skills, my possessions, my life, myself--- to the quest of a steady stream that would support my quest for freedom.

As I became jaded with the never-ending cycle of living costs and life demands, the cynicism that we labeled much of the elder generations from the depression begins to sink into my own mind. This societal environment has conditioned us all---- we have become forced to believe in a system of greed because there is never enough money to have the freedom that movies and media have taught us is possible. Most of us are not able to have or earn enough to travel on the Concorde to see the Eiffel Tower at a moment's notice; there is even fewer with the privilege of seeing the Serengeti or northern lights in Siberia. And eventually, as we overcrowd nature with our desires for the temporary material toys most are 'allowed' to afford--- most will not be able to afford the luxury of visiting or enjoying nature in its non-manufactured and majestically self-evolved state.

I drove home in the anguished self-loathing of having become enslaved and micromanaged by the burden of want of affording freedom--- again. I wondered too, if the managers that forced their micromanagement on me had unwittingly ignored their reason and merely become unconsciously enslaved to this notion as well. Their negative impact on my mind is not easily shed, as I am judged by how much I am like, or not like them--- as they release the weight of their burdens upon me.

In my choice to not be a continuing part of the negative chain, I submit to the deafening drone of my consciousness reminding me how I had to leave the father who could not stop his cycle of shifting anger and blame to those around him. When I left-- he stated to strangers that he wished me to suffer and become damaged as much as he. I swore I would seek freedom at almost any cost (but within the boundaries of my ethical needs to never sell myself). But as an adult in a land that demands basic living needs, I find myself barely able to afford a small portion of the freedom I seek to explore the world--- or, be free to choose the type of productive life that would find me joy.

I know my sentiments are not alone. I can only hope my patience withstands the attacks of this world of burdens and I will not submit to wishes of my managers to contribute to the negativity while attending to my responsible 'duties'.

And I wonder how many multitudes of other souls that walk this earth now, am caught in the same web. I wonder if the web can be re-woven, and re-balanced, re-shaped, to become as beautiful as one found in a remote forest sunrise, where the dew sparkles rainbows to let our minds wonder again with the vision of a new dawn. It is in human capacity to hope for miracles, and to bond together to make dreams into reality. Civilizations and philosophies changed over history, as buildings and empires crumbled and were reborn. Shifts in conscious awareness changed history-- and impacted human lives over millenia. Single amino acid sequence order switches changed entire genepools. And a singular desire to respect, share and honor with each other, just might, release us of the burden of greed.

I allow that hope to carry me through the night into the next day... and the next... and the next... or until I am fortunate enough leave this reality for the one I hope for....

self-questions about truth

why is it we have become so afraid of accepting the responsibility of owning our own truth(s)?

what is truth by definition?

what does it actually mean to us now?

are reality and truth equal?

is truth a burden or a freedom?

dare we trust our own perception?

Ready for an early appointment, several people sit awaiting their turn in the dentist's chair. Most are neighbors, evidently, discussing a number of different events and local gossip. Evidently, one of the men recently noticed another neighbor with a new dog, a doberman pincher. The man described in anxious and flurried details of how no human should ever befriend or own a doberman. He deeply believed all dobermans were deranged, unstable and 'unworthy' of being loved as a pet or for any human interaction.

I left the office after the appointment, distressed in those comments. I could not fathom judging one dog, let alone an entire sub-species of dog, as unstable or unworthy of being loved, as a pet or not.

Several days pass and the first true warmth allows the first drive of the season with the windows down and the top open. While stopped at a light, I notice the leaves of the trees beginning to mature from the spring buds washed anew by the April rains, the misty air attracting my attentions to the sounds of the chirping fledglings in the nests and recall fond memories of young rabbits and birds in the wild from my youth. We had 'barn cats' then - raised free in the remote suburbs on a small farm plot, where they were allowed to form their own packs, form their own dominance order, hunt, reproduce, and play as they chose. One even adopted a small beagle as her own non-feline companion-- as she had turned too wild to feel comfortable by the other cats that enjoyed seeking our 'human scent' attentions (or rather, 'scenting us' as 'their' humans). I remembered also, how the female cats with young would proudly take the kittens on their first hunt, within 2 months of age. I'd watch them playfully bound through the tall grass and walk with tails swaggering high on their first successful hunt --- while attempting to find a sunny spot in which they might sit a moment to cleanse the blood from their fur.

As the light changes and I focus on present reality again, the landscapers near the roadside are trimming the trees and carefully planting the 'male' flowering bushes and trees in perfectly plotted dimensions across the suburbia we have so become accustomed to accept as our 'natural surroundings'. There is dusty grass shavings blowing in the air from the weed whackers and lawn mowers, the smell of mulch and fertilizers and overwhelming noise from the various lawn care motors. My eyes begin to itch a moment, until I have pulled away with the traffic ahead of me.

As these moments rummage through my consciousness, suddenly the scenery around me changes shape. I consider a multitude of theories determined in human history as 'significant discoveries', whether of art, music, science, philosophy or any number of 'classifications'. Then the angst that so lingered in my childhood mind returns---- perhaps it was my childish notion then, but the recurring thought strikes me over and over. In the context of human language, we have been experiencing and observing life in the quest to find meaning. Yet-- in our seemingly advanced times of mankind, we have become too accustomed to the notion of 'assigning meaning'. The first ones to observe or discover during their life experience, receives accolade and credit, then is rewarded with 'assigning' the name by which we shall all 'know' that discovery. If the 'idea' or device should be found a useful power, the inventors and discoverers are bowed to like the Pharaohs of Egypt, as the seats of conquest determine political usefulness and honor of the 'one'. The greater the usefulness or omnipotence, the more celebrated the honor. And usually, by the answer from, in the name of, and in the hope of becoming, "God" (or all-powerful and all-knowing.)

Mary Shelley once wrote that man's true desire was to emulate our creator and become as great and omniscient creator as God. She challenged our thoughts on morality and ethics at the dawn of modern industrialization in Europe. Things we thought improbable became new reality and things impossible became probable. She came along and challenged our perception of ourselves at a moment of sudden self-discovery and realization of modern mechanics by humans. We call her the 'founder of science fiction'.

We have been wrong many times in history, from the concentric (egocentric) view as earth at the center of the universe to believing the sun was a chariot in the sky. But we changed our perceptions along the way, and discovered new truths, and the reality as we know it to be today.

Or is it?

As I reminisce on the conversation of the man that labeled all dobermans as unworthy--- I cannot help but wonder how egocentric our judgement and assumptions have become. I wonder about how much we have accepted as truths about nature--- only to realize we've driven nature out of balance with those assumptions. We think creatures fear or despise us, yet refuse to understand how much we have taken away from their hunting grounds and their lairs. We change our landscape to suit our vision, without acknowledging we might just be pieces of the greater landscape ourselves---- not 'worthy' of judging what the landscape should be. And we plant only the flowering bushes while medicating ourselves to avoid suffering from the allergy reactions to the extreme pollen the trees produce to find it's female blossoms.

I wonder then, perhaps our perceptions have been tainted by our own desire for 'omniscience' as challenged by Mary Shelley. Perhaps we are wrongfully creating our own deformed offspring and future by not realizing the spirit that sleeps within. Perhaps, it is time for a new challenge to our perception..... Perhaps we need to realize the miracle of being human is not achieving our desires of omnipotence and omniscience--- but rather the ability to change, adapt and integrate our perception into a universal and harmonious vision---- if we so choose??

There is a silent whisper that calls to all of us

In the annals of history are reminders of the stories that define our ‘human-ness’. The fables of the Pacific Islander’s birds that flew between the physical and spiritual worlds; the mysteries of the blessings of Ra and Isis; from the wrath of Kali to the stories of babies delivered by pelicans. How wonderful it was to be blessed by any one of the goddesses, Bast, Brigit, Bendis or Ishtar--- as fertility (of womb and crops) would reign steadfast. Or be blessed by the muses of Sophia or Oman, depending on the final creation, that is. Or maybe how some wished to have the knowledge of Sinaa or Uaica, to be free to be healed and able to foretell events.

These are the fantasies and fables that bring us pleasure (or, to some, smirks of our formerly primitive comprehensions) when we are told of them in this world of explained technologies and postulated sciences. We mock the world of totem spirits and creatures that would haunt us. We jest at the thought of magical elves and witches or gypsies that would be known to curse. Yet wishfully with great joy, teach our children of Santa Claus and Leprechauns.


Perhaps as you read this, your childhood fancies alight for a moment in those comforting memories from years past. But then we take a second moment to recover our thoughts to dismiss the notions, pulling ourselves together. We revive our recognition of the present state, only to laugh at our insignificant silliness of those innocent times, when we dared to believe in the ‘fantasies’ too easily, as those juvenile by-gone years delivered carefree longing forever.

Yet, in today’s world -- as we muse against the backdrops of words by governing officials — as advertised by the new venues of corporate marketing, the entertainment media--- in our perhaps over stimulated, chaotic and droll personal world -- we might make ourselves integrally an unwitting partner to new fables and global rumors. Fondly missing national unity that once existed in times of war, we are too eager to accept words like ‘axis of evil’ and believe in a biased one-sided report of giant factions of devilish sentries walking the earth. The grandeur of such organized dangers, conjures the imagery of the armies of Goliath or the walking dead of Hades. And in reactive eager state, then seek the master general or leader that would lead us past the dangers, a new father or mother figure to be hailed as the new savior and new legend. So we bear witness to the creation of a new pharaoh or emperor that will become the superhero, able to do the impossible and cast away the Chibchachum(s) or keep away Batara or quell Musso-Koroni. There will be stories made of this leader, grandeur ceremonies, books and maybe even film. In all cases, this leader becomes the new legend and we believe him/her not to be all powerful, but at least all persuasive, commanding, and to carry our expectations through for us.

I can only wonder then if we are truly exercising our advancements and evolved philosophies. How then, are we to separate ourselves from our naïve pasts if in our innocent trust of flash media, we find ourselves so eager to believe in the modern fables of danger and angst, daring to profess personal responsibility to a new superhero, rather than accepting our small but significant role in the transcendence to peaceful universal unity? In our impetuous needs to believe in the creation of a foe and searching for the new mystical commander, we desperately create the same fear of unknowns, of scarcity, of ‘aloneness’ and create justification for outlets of aggression and destruction. Instead of honoring or revering the cycles of nature (life, death, recreation and natural disintegration) --- we spend futile precious hours of our life in pursuit of finding OR, becoming our created definition of a God (to control, to be omniscient, to have power and to be savior ---- but we add the greed.) We refuse to believe in symbiosis and delicate balance as the source of the cycle of life and the universe--- as we cannot possibly believe the things we cannot see, no matter the centuries of scientific exploration or, exploitations. We too often enjoy choosing aggressive bonds to pre-empt suggestions of competition, rather than finding the bonding rewards of comradery from friendly competition.

The silent whisper that speaks to us, will often murmur the message of nature as we watch the normally competitive and fierce creatures joining together to signal each other of impending dangers and storms. In their language, we assume the tigers are angrily screaming at gazelles lunging in their path when running from a flood. However, the tigers do not kill those in their path-- it is their language to insist on moving faster. We have even marveled at the family pets that nurtured wild animal cubs as their own--- something humans do so rarely for their own, let alone other species.

Yet, on the same note-- we see normally docile, tortured and human over-bred farm animals in cages attack and kill each other for sake of just an inch buffer of freedom of space. We assign and glorify this as a value of Darwinian survival skills, as the alpha personas impose their power on the recessive ones. It seems it is the way of nature to seek balance and number itself into space -- so nature will redefine what it must if imposed upon. Or, is it our tampering and our interpretation of perception that assumes this to be 'survival of the fittest'?

If we truly are here to assume our philosophical superiority in the animal kingdom, why is it then, we choose to create our power-packs allegiances via outer adornments (clothing or pins), hair styles, dominance intended aggressions--- and blinding our own faith and power in order to submit to the social order? Perhaps it is easier than accepting there are laws and boundaries within a universe beyond our making--- and that even our 'superiority' is flawed and with limitations. Or perhaps it is because we have chosen to dismiss our own truths to find escape in entertainment based alter-realities that would circumvent symbiosis with our neighbors, nature or this planet.

Or just maybe, we have forgotten how to be within our dream with nature and have instead chosen to accept our own 'new modern fables' to maintain our insistence of superiority over anything, even to even our ancestors? I wonder then, where is the truth in our 'human-ness'???

free to pursue happiness

Some day I want to know that I need not change my perception to project an assumed happiness.
Some day I want to know the pursuit is truly within my freedom of rights.
Some day I hope to see all souls experience happiness and find satisfaction.
Some day I hope my gratefulness is the assumption and not the forethought.
Some day I hope everyone sees gratitude as a gateway to truth.
Some day may we honor that truth with love and peace.

incorruptible spirit

Several years ago, there was a life changing interview with a man who would become my superior. Surprisingly I admit I could not read the fellow at first; he pretended to not be guarded, yet there was a distinct guardedness about him that would not allow others in. To most, he was gregarious and open, and thrived on change yet adored the conservative. His heart was very deep; probably a destined romantic that decided romance does not provide the stellar credit score required to find way to stability of the conservative. It seemed his very persona was a dichotomy of a desperate need for freedom quelled by a stern self-stifling discipline wrapped in a package of freshly pressed shirts and slacks every day. It was obvious he had his demons, as he struggled with physical illness issues and moments of self-doubt. His head was oft heavily laden with the burdens of choices beyond his desirable controls, as his need for ethics was as great as his need to breathe.

It was those very same qualities that created a generous compassion and wonderful superior. I don’t know if he chose to hire me because he needed a productive skill set and team member, or, if he connected with me on an intuitive level of a similar mindset. Yet, somehow, after time had passed, I was interviewed again and he asked if I was indeed certain I wanted the position. I told him I wanted to work for him, but I was also honest enough to let him know I would be considering this only semi-permanent as I had plans to move to another country within three years, even if only temporary. He called me to let me know I’d receive an offer the following week.

In the next two to three years, I came to know this man and as he became more impressed by me, which completely surprised me. I’d always had a lack of self-value in the field, because I did not take career path decisions seriously enough. I knew all of life was short and careers even shorter, having jumped several times. But as his illness became more apparent and he would be out for occasional terms, I decided to self-manage with as many organizational and job task acquaintance-ship opportunities as I could muster. Each week, I’d try to prepare a brief to his email to allow him to review the priority list and agenda status of projects and department issues. I’d compile spreadsheets with potential consolidations and alerts, as well as present potential solutions to problems from alternate company locations that would arise.

As he grew to trust my capabilities, he would alert me to realizing my self-abilities in the career and trust me with much higher responsibilities. He continued to say he knew I could handle more than I realized, and at one point, fought to have me reinstated at a higher position than hired, because he felt I had undervalued myself.

He also appreciated the way I fought to maintain integrity of projects throughout the political mayhem that can overtake any corporate decision making process. Unfortunately, as the numbers of chiefs overseeing a project grew, so would the scarcity in the numbers of the people who were actually physically involved with the actual products. Eventually, an entire line of new products and projects could be touched and managed and decided upon, by a slew of faces that had never bought or seen similar products. Many never would even know the manufacturing process, nor would they care. Sometimes, products would be released for sale on the appearance of a photo or final package label, with no one at the top level ever even knowing the history or process of that product.

My boss had almost 30 years with a brand name that covered many of the products we worked on. Somehow, as he excelled early on in that particular industry and brand, I think he fell in love with it. He fell in love with how he became part of the creative living force of the brand, the products, and the joy it would bring to customers of those products. As he jumped job to job early on, somehow, the brand had also fallen in love with him --- the companies would merge and move to bring him back into the same area. It was like the universe had married this man to creation of these items. For him, it was his art; for the brand, he was its engineer.

Unfortunately as time passed, companies merged and larger financial firms made its way into ownership of some of these manufacturing businesses. They would buy up these aged consumer product businesses and turn them into leveraged assets, to ‘diversify’ their assets and interests. When business was good, it would be a profit. If it was bad, it was a tax write off. If it was worse--- they would rob the business of every penny that could be mustered through a ‘value engineering’ process --- and ultimately, after every penny was found and jobs were eliminated, sell off the remainders by selling off the ‘rights to the brand’.

As the masters and the experienced ones became entwined in this litany of bureaucratic company turnover chaos, there was always a price or casualty. Productivity demands from false expectations and misinformed senior level financiers would interfere with the truth and integrity of the humanity and the products themselves. Often, the suffering chain would create a negative aura of disgust on the faces of the people at the production floors, as their very pride was stripped away when the products lost more and more purity.

My boss was one of those who saw this. At first, his conscience led him to follow the chain of command, hoping time would find a better chain when the tides would turn and the brand would be flooded with demands of quality again. He would seek hope and trust in his fellows in the industry, and maintain his dream of being able to achieve integrity and pride in his work again. He wanted to be the good example and great father to his son and outstanding husband to his wife they’d have pride in. He counted on truth and justice to reign in the end. And he encouraged those in others.

He left the company before I did, and told me the words, “I can’t live the lie anymore”. He had felt he sold his soul to continue to maintain a bunch of products he didn’t believe in anymore, because he knew the senior financiers never intended on these products being anything more than a saleable commodity. He knew they didn’t believe in giving these products life.

After I’d left he was given the opportunity to go back with new (financier) owners and to try again. There were a handful of people remaining there, but a few had been career long friends of his. However, by now, everyone had families and heavy mortgages, worrying about retirement and children in college. Everyone was now part of the machine and had become complacent.

A couple months later, I received a phone call. The only words on the other end of the phone I heard was 'he shot himself'.

The strangest part of this conversation was that there was an inexplicable knowing of all the reasons why this would have happened. In the last years of this man's life, I came to respect, then understand, he could not recover from a betrayal so deep that his very soul was dying because it could not really be bought. Perhaps some may have considered it boyish – but I think he still dreamt of a truth and honor in giving life to things in this world, so loyalty and promises meant everything to him. Deep within himself, he refused to corrupt his soul. The saddest part is as much as he sought out a ray of hope in the overwhelming crowds of faces encountered in his professional and private life, the turmoil within could not find the vision to seek his way out of the bindings that gripped his spirit's freedom to believe. I don’t know if he blamed the brand, the industry, the people or the times. But I do know he still believed in hope and friendship and for a better future for his son, where his son would not see his defeated dying spirit, or his burdened face. Whether it can be judged or not, he accomplished his last pleading statement: For us to make different choices for the future, to make things happen for hope and life - in a single shot.

"we are what we eat"

At the age of three, my father decided to raise our first pigs and make his first home made sausage. He bought livestock at the nearest farmer's market auction in the early spring, built large comfortable wood platform board pens on stilts under a light birch and oak tree canopy and placed 3 or 4 piglets into each pen. The pigs were surprisingly organized and bright, it seemed, as each decided to make hay beds and choose only one corner to use as a 'toilet' area (usually opposite the feeding troughs). And they had their play area. As the piglets grew, my parents would separate them into their own pens, so they could each have plenty of room. But the slats dividing the pens were wide, and though large, the pens were within visual range of each other, so the pigs remained somewhat social--- as I would hear them squeal or snort to each other or peer their heads above or between the panels. And each had their own way of greeting each of us, recognizing us, and sometimes, even attempting to be playful as though they were a pet to us. It was very funny how when they were hungry, they'd push the troughs over as close to us as possible with their snouts, then look up with a gesture of asking -- nodding their heads towards the trough.

I learned to respect the animals then-- not just the pigs, but all animals. Slowly, however, the end of summer was near for the pigs, and my father began his first butcher process. He chose one of the pigs and got out a gun. I ran and hid and held my fingers in my ears, as I could not bear to hear the shot or watch. I heard there was no struggle and it done quickly, as humanely as possible. Then I stood and watched as he proceeded with the skinning and cleaning process. Because both my parents had known hunger and respect for nature, he was rather cautious in his method, carefully hanging and cleaning well, cutting perhaps amateurishly, but with care. Some of the cuts were wrapped to be taken to a friend's smokehouse. Some were salted. The gut regions were cleaned well and dipped in prepared salt and vinegar solutions and washed again, so they could be used to make sausage. Everything was done with the focused energy like an artisan crafter might put into an ornate grand ice sculpture.

As a child, the meat from this tasted wonderful. Everything was done with the old fashioned concerns of selecting the feed, caring, maintaining cleanliness, then selecting only enough to fill one freezer for the family. The other animals were traded or kept for breeding next season. Nothing was wasted --- as the bones were cooked in stews, then given to the dogs, or crushed and put back into soil to fertilize.

He did the same with poultry and beef much of my childhood. Even milk was from local dairies, and all types of fish from neighbors and friends who'd fish.

I stopped eating meats regularly sometime ago, and almost all of the times remain vegetarian now. When I stopped eating meats, it never seemed to taste the same, or there is something missing in the meats -- like a distasteful energy is interfering with receiving the energy from the food.

Sadly, a recent documentary film on HBO shed light on the new world of food. (www.hbo.com/docs/programs/deathfactoryfarm/index.html)

The animals appear diseased in body and spirit. Their eyes showed the emptiness of disdain for their circumstance, and a longing for what might be. In the hierarchy of nature, animals are quite aware of the food chain and expect to eat and survive or be eaten. It is not their way to not understand the possibility of their purpose, as their connection to nature and the universe is more their state of being than ours. But their destiny, to feel the energy of life and the feel of soil between their hooves, or let soft rain fall on their open mouths while running on pastures --- will not be theirs as we capture their spirits in the confining pens in which they cannot turn and then beat them when they beg to know the sun.

These are the fodder that are handled roughly and kicked before they are weighed on scales to determine their worth in goal. In this instance, the humans corralling the pigs have only malice on their faces, as they only realize the physical commodity of the livestock. The under weights and the ill ones are killed off and thrown about carelessly into open graves as useless carcasses. The handlers do not even think them worth stock for fertilizer or for animal feed. They have no respect or connection to what nature or the universe gifts them for their survival. The livestock is merely a nuisance required in their daily routine and nothing more.

When viewing the brutality of the nonhuman character that emerges with such a blind and unfocused need to exhibit a useless power over the most helplessly crippled creatures, I could only feel pity for the dead soul that betrays the movement of the body exterior. The dark spirit explodes a shallow but destructive force of negative disease so great that nature is divided by unseen barriers--- breaking the very foundations of life. I ask myself then, what reason came by our ancestors as to create a proverb that ‘we are what we eat’. Does this mean we can be diseased not only in body but in spirit as well?

I cannot but help recall the fables and stories of the rituals of the primitive cultures that would perform ceremony to celebrate and give thanks to the life of every plant and animal that would bring us nourishment. A successful hunt as natural law allowed would insure survival of all the species if within the symbiosis boundaries. We would not be able to always hunt down the most dominant creature--- usually capturing a more recessive (or most unlucky) trait animal as the meal. Yet, the fighting spirit of the animal was honored, and the carcass would insure nourishment to the family for strength to continue in new generations. As we grew strong, so did the animals around us, as we adapted to each other’s strengths and survival skills. We evolved as the universe intended us to.

In this ‘new world’ of mass production of food that is stabilized and respect forgotten, when do we reconnect to nature? Where is the sanctity of the parallel evolutions of different species? Are we so conceited that we have removed nature’s bounty and replaced it with a slow and self-destructive disease?

We are what we eat. Clarity of goals and achievements come with choice of actions. And we still have free-will. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with natural order.

fear is an attack to the soul

In the light of the economic crisis--- there is this trickle down effect of behavior that endangers us all even more so than any material possession lost or monetary loss. As those in the hierarchy of corporate greed often contemplate the thoughts of scarcity (note, this is hardly a true fear in most cases)--- their attentions turn to outward signs of child-like tantrums that lash out in most unwanted and abrasive actions and speech. When they manage businesses and corporations, behind closed doors are the sheepish attendants frightened of sudden reactions.

The bigger problem, this untrusting exchange becomes not only the symptom of fear, but spawns ever spreading reactive behavior as others emulate the 'boss'. The negative cycle can grow into a feeding frenzy that continues and those of us in productive cycles often become lacking in desire to fulfill a day's journey. We feel beaten and unacknowledged, unappreciated and unwanted. We are made to feel less than human. Our soul is attacked... and we lose our peace.

Harmony and meaningful peace is found when trust and humanity are rightfully honored, as well as earned. Scarcity is a thought felt only when we lack trust in ourselves to trust others and the universe. Our disconnect from nature makes us think we do not require blessing from the universe to survive-- but we never seem to realize money and material things are not going to keep us warm in a blizzard that cuts off power, or keep us alive in the middle of a tornado or earthquake. The power of nature and universe is far more vast than our human perception will ever know--- so how can we assume ourselves superior enough to have power over another human, let alone be more secure against nature with wealth?

Sometimes, we need to consider humanity is more important than economic possessions, and trust to be a required foundation to lead and to live. Look beyond our reality --- and then we can find truth in our future.

sometimes I don't understand being human

Humanity is a beautiful trait with many ups and downs, laughter, surprises and smiles-- but also then there is this uncontrollable scream and depth of impatience that might be read as fear. This is what I don't understand!

There are days of calming peaceful motions, in successive moments from one path to another. Achievements and new goals that make up a fulfilling day, ending to rest upon an idyllic down pillow so the subconscious might connect and dream. And then to feel the positive flow of glimpses into a perfect symmetry that promises synchronicity to a universal channel that is my soul's personal two-way radio to a divinity so omni-potent and glorious, we cannot but know the universe simply "loves".

Then-- there are the other days; I don't understand when the static grows and I am lost in a disconnect, cut off from the vibrations that would normally guide me. Is this the test? Am I cut off to become challenged for my own instincts? Is it a chain of events that questions our deserving nature?

I am about to enter another decade of life -- another milestone that is often looked upon as declining moments of desirability in the eyes of an opposite attraction. Yet it is I wondering if I have earned the wisdom to be considered in depreciable physical form. My mind wanders the tunnels of the dreams of a number long gone-- a youth wasted as an inferior subjugated to the social and political foundation of the 'adults' before me. Then the fear and anger washes over and I realize myself no better than those same humans I might find disdain for at times-- --

those same persons that founded the confusion and chaos I struggle to survive in, with the same trails of loneliness that would divide us from peaceable humanity. And I am disconnected from the beauty that would be the definition of ultimate love in the universe.

And then once again, sometimes-- I don't understand being human.

events and choice

Sometimes reason doesn't hold to logic and the events that take place fall off the tracks or even the trains originally boarded. But if everything were in straight smooth tracks and clear weather, there wouldn't be calls for challenges or need for innovations. They said necessity is the mother of inventions in the world of science and machines. Perhaps life tragedies and disasters are reminders for us to remain humble, and to keep balanced with the spiritual things we spend most of our lives denying. Messages come in all types of signs, to keep reminding us that being human is a duality of frailty and strength, life and death, positive and negative. The beauty lies in the merger and the choices we make, and with how much awareness we choose to live the life we are gifted with.

something is missing in humanity...

Have you ever felt like an alien in your own group? An interesting conversation about the perception of the idea 'us and them' began this morning. It started quite simply in morning conversation, but expanded rapidly into a realization of how very much each person identifies with a degree of isolation and separation in some way. It's odd how we choose the idea of segregation because of inner issues within ourselves and the idea of 'closing off' our secrets. Many times, we excuse this isolation with either the idea that because we are 'superiorly different' or because of the secret that we are scared and ashamed of letting something out about ourselves. In any case, this divide creates more suspicions and lack of communication, doesn't it? Then, in many cases, once communications start-- we find out there is not that much for us to hide from others after all. Very strange how we tend to think about ourselves. We sometimes seem to forget our uniqueness is linked by our humanness.

how do we carry our mental baggage?

It’s so funny how we entertain the notion that once becoming an ‘adult’, we are mentally equipped to make logical decisions and choices based on experiences and maturity. Sometimes, we forget we are just children in grown up bodies.

You see, it’s a funny balance between dreaming our future and being in our reality. The truth finds itself in a scheming balance shifting between the struggles of staying in a comfort zone of our childhood memories while struggling to evolve into the revolution of the future we dreamt of becoming. Then somewhere in all of that, the constant vortex of our perception of events in time, robs our memories and dwindles down achievements into ‘passing phases’, or in the worst cases, explodes and expands our most embarrassing and worst failures into a catastrophic occasion that blinds us to the next creative moment. Assuming, that is, if we are strong enough to maintain memories of those events at all, as sadly some recall nothing by choice or, from trauma.

You see, whether our lives are scripted by destiny or not, we each, uniquely endure a series of specific experiences along our paths that serve as markers to shape and define our future selves. Sometimes, these ‘tests’ are easy, sometimes not. Regardless, our reaction to those events, ultimately are choices specific to being truly our own. Even when forced into a physically brutal or harmful situation, how we ‘choose’ to survive or die in that situation is our own. We can choose to live or die in perpetual trauma, or within our own peace. It seems out of our control, but ultimately, we answer to only our own body, mind and soul--- at the very moment, whether we give ourselves up to the universe or not.

Using a simpler example, I found myself contemplating how I tend to categorize new people I meet on first impressions based on my ‘lifetime experiences’. Someone who speaks with particularly good vocal control, reminds me of singers, so I will want to ask them if they are musically inclined. Someone who exudes less confidence in the eyes tends to remind me of shy children, so I tend to wonder how evolved they are. (Note—I am very, very cautious to not be blatant in my ‘examining’ – but let’s face it—WE ALL DO THIS consciously or not. You know—“sizing someone up”) ----

Is this behavior wrong? Not entirely--- as it is a primordial, underlying instinct within us, for socialization and for self-protective reasons. We are human—we DO mentally compartmentalize and categorize people, places and things around us--- we DO also categorize behaviors and habits. (Otherwise, we would not have an entire field of statistics and would not be trying to constantly force children to behave within a ‘statistical norm’ and also, perhaps we wouldn’t be trying to force falsified stock values all the time!) However, HOW we CHOOSE to react upon initial assessment--- could imply an outcome we didn’t expect.

How we react depends on the amount of mental baggage carried. Negative memories create walls and blocks that may deny us new experiences. Too many positive pastimes might create an open and free quality that offers our unsuspecting selves up to potential dangerous encounters.

Mental baggage can be positive or negative --- it can teach us or stifle us. It can stop us from respecting ourselves, which then creates a conflict within--- that is then imparted onto others. Like children, we can unknowingly bark at a stranger when we are feeling badly about ourselves. (Has anyone ever screamed at an anonymous and persistent telemarketer who unwittingly calls at the moment of a catastrophe?) Many also tend to have a negative habit of assuming their shortcomings can be blamed on someone else or saved by someone else. How many companies teach us to ‘find someone to blame’? How many times did children have their mother and father coming to save them? How many people count on faith alone, with no self-effort (‘winning the lottery’?)

Point is, when we self-evaluate incorrectly and decide to not learn from our experiences and then do not look within ourselves for the balancing message, we are testing our own self-confidence. Comparing ourselves to the outside, to other people and their ‘similar experiences’ – leaves us open to subconsciously react outwardly to assume repeat experiences can occur through the influences of other people. It is not up to ‘them’ to feed our confidence, nor is it up to them to fix our inner problems. It is not up to ‘them’
to give us solutions to what we might perceive as our failures. It is not up to ‘them’ to help us stop judging ourselves.

Maybe realistically—
we need to dream a possible future that won’t get lost in our realities and to actuate the reality of the dream by responsible work from within ourselves first. We need to unload some of the mental baggage and carry only that we can haul on long journeys in order to make room for positive interactions within this world. We do not need to force ourselves to carry the wounds and guilt forever—they were teaching tools. Any accolades and jubilations that swell our heads into a fixed state without momentum, is also something unnecessary. We need to understand moments are transitory, passing phases in our lives to guide us into the new evolution. And each of us, has our own to be nurtured, respected, and honored, so we can do the same with those of others.

Without these self-affirmations, we may never find peace, as our lives remain unfulfilled in search of things that cannot be seen or bought or forced.

So how do you carry your mental baggage?

Love-Lies-Bleeding

The internet is an amazing tool. In the morning I was able to chat briefly with a friend in Mexico. So we were able to quickly say hello, say the usual small talk, catch up on mutual friends -- and then have that moment of human connection as he candidly discussed his ambivalence towards actually being part of a partnering relationship (as in, boyfriend, girlfriend.) Interestingly, though he mentioned he just could not find 'the right one', he also mentioned his unwillingness for a number of potential issues in a relationship --- he doesn't want to bring children into this world of chaos and distress, he prefers and enjoys casual sex with whomever he should choose, rather than be bound, he cherishes his independence. And he is quite honest about it.

Hmmm. On one side, how very refreshing but then, how very, very familiar. This fellow resides in the heartland of Mexico--- an astute, appealing guy with charm and wit--- but remains, faithfully to his own, not willing to give up on a bachelorhood even later in life than most. He is not alone, however-- as he tends to live with family or stay with friends. Is this a symptom of the "Peter Pan syndrome" we so often complain of in the states, or perhaps-- the struggle of a soul in search of reason in a world without heros and guardians to bring us hope?

In today's world, we see every reason to argue a new definition for the same word. Relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, love. Each means a different connotation to each listener and speaker. In the beauty of our booming population and technogear, we have been blessed with the potential for communications like never before, but to what depth? Movies and commerciality has even laid claim to stake an interest in those things human such as love. The whole word is obsessed with what love should be, what a family should be, what sex should be. They even sell us the notion of who we should be. The role models are plasticene inventions on celluloid strips that become DVD's as each behavior is assigned a metaphoric price tag in the new system of rewards. Marriage and divorce becomes a competitive sport (and costly!) that keeps business booming in judicial, retail, housing and match-maker sectors. Still, in most cases, if one were to ask a current or former spouse to describe their partner's soul.....

Then the question -- what is love?

Spiritually, it is that which is undescribable, fullfilling, needing, binding, calming, nuturing, communicating, placating... everything.

To love oneself, seems often that. It is the word merely used to describe all of those 'warm and fuzzy' feelings that brings confidence, joy, knowing and positive outlook, yet so much more. It is to be comfortable with one's own truth in accomplishments, destinies, or failures. It is accepting. Even a most brutal criminal can love him/herself, while the most honored, loving and angelic person can be unnerved and wavering unto themselves. Even in this sense, it is a most unique and singular event unable to be truly described.

Ah... but then-- bring into a circle of self-love (or self-unlove) another person's experience--- the partner, or child, or new family members. Complications!!!

Why is this so hard? We all feel it at least some of the time, we crave it most of the time and we try to cherish it when we have it. When seeking it, sometimes we are not ready (especially if we are in a state of self-nonlove) and sometimes, it finds us, ready or not. Sometimes we are blind to it and sometimes we take it for granted, unable to do more. Some people even profess love is a fable that does not exist, to run from the duty to find it in themselves or others. Some choose to identify love with only the sexual act and defy the point of spiritual contact or emotional associations.

How can we possibly be all wrong? Or right? What possible communication could we make to bridge the chaos? Isn’t love supposed to actually enhance understanding and communication?

This is when a thought occurred. A spectacular vision of the flower, Love-Lies-Bleeding, entered the mind. Gracefully swaying tall in sun, growing in most harsh or kind conditions, it flowers glorious clusters of tiny red flowers that seed a rich, nourishing food for the natives of the Latin Americas. It was once hailed as a gift from Pachamama and still remains a staple in many parts of the Andes. It can be steamed, puffed, salted or sweetened, and is classified an herb more than a grain due to its rich nutrient and protein content. However, this plant also known as amaranth, once a spiritual and physical icon for the natives, was turned into a point of power and given a physically quantifiable value. It is said the Conquistadors spreading their Christian values would cut off the hand of a native who possessed even one seed in some areas, as the amaranth held symbolic importance in native religious ceremonies. Yet these same Conquistadors found the red flowers so tantalizing it was marketed and to Europe’s most fashionable houses as the most sought after, “Love-Lies-Bleeding”.

How interesting a plant of native spirituality would be attempting to teach us a lesson to this moment in time? In the days of the Incas and Aztecs, Pachamama graciously provided this magical plant to nourish the body and soul. As red as blood from the heart, it’s edible essence and hearty growth brought life and sustenance, symbolic of the loving care given to the people living with Pachamama. As it was stolen from its land, and possessed with man made values, its power grew. But so did the desires of those wishing to possess it. As it was stripped of its true nature, its value reassigned and dissected from its original purpose, it became lost among the landscaped gardens from Spain to England. And in period times, it became symbolic of the love that attempts survival, yet so easily blown away, dripping in tiny pebbles to the ground, only to become a memory of a season past. This remains to this day, as the flower is considered symbolic of ‘hopelessness’. It has been redefined into a shallow substance of things that would slip away into a desolate and despairing human perception of loss.

Yet, as the human need for survival has found new ground and we seek alternate sources of pure nourishment in these overpopulated times, there is a revival of the amazing nourishment value the humble amaranth provides. Even after all the suffering and defamation, she is reborn a modern miraculous gift from nature, a wondrous ‘ancient grain’ for the health hungry. Amaranth’s once sought after value for monetary gains are days of old and returning to her true self nature and purpose, her original gifts to humanity are found. Again, it becomes a ‘loving gift from nature’, as though it never lost its place. And it finds a peaceful relationship, with the human 'others' again, instead of remaining a trapped prisoner out of its own comfort zone.

If one were to think that perhaps we cannot find contented roles and relationships with our own environment unless we also move into our own true self nature. I would suppose that is where the thought comes from, “one cannot truly love another until one loves their own self,” no matter the labels or values placed upon us. However, unlike the amaranth, often we forget we are the master's of our own destiny and not prisoners of our circumstance. In that case, there is not a 'right or wrong' by definition, only a responsibility to respond to our inner self-love and then acknowledge that intuitive communication to nuture potential relationships surrounding us at any given moment. Instead of hopelessness, we can command our place and actions into hope as we find our truth and beauty within.