have we become mediocre?

In the movie Amadeus, there were many references made by a smug Mozart discarding the many he considered as part of 'mediocrity', including the character of Salieri and Salieri's music. Yet, Mozart had the gift of genius to hear and see beyond the ordinary doldrums of life--- to mentally (and perhaps soulfully) exist from a tangent of higher dimension.

Or, perhaps it was because Mozart had been given proper training, practiced and allowed no one to deny what he could hear and compose?

The key is- he was given adequate formal training but also had self-interest enough in music to pursue beyond his given knowledge without adding interference from peer pressure mainstream such as the church and royal houses would do, and also, from other musicians and artists of his time. And, in his time, the Internet did not exist.

When the Internet started- it was a wonderful tool of free knowledge and advanced communications once protected by those in intellectual circles with money to do so. Well- it was rather complicated to turn computers on and route to the world wide web in those days. So generally speaking, the respect for the privilege of this 'secret society' interaction tended to filter junk information, marketing, advertising --- completely from within the circles.

Ah-- but then, the thought of a possible computer anarchy and global non-bourgeoisie commoners with great intellect potentially having deeper conversations apart from corporate or political control must have been a feared topic--- because suddenly the new idea was to corporatize the 'world wide web' into the ultimate new highway of communications--- to make it accessible to everyone, everywhere--- with several conditions:
1. make it a money making scheme
2. make it corporate governed with little government interference unless filtering suddenly becomes necessary
3. make it an advertising and marketing playground

Results? Well-- for one- the old adage of 'believe none of what you hear and half of what you see' is now to be challenged as the new era is one of 'misinformation'. It is surely becoming a source of entertainment and gossip, as much as tool of get rich quick schemers and fantasy sales. Basic knowledge has become merely tools for argumentative purpose to see how far the truth can be bent. When knowledge is insufficient, digital technologies are used to create a visual avatar so real and confusing, some cannot even distinguish the differences. Thus the lines of reality and fiction have become more grey and indistinct--- as much as the knowledge we once worked so hard to gain.

Even in graduate schools around the world, the advancements are based on whose arguments were the most undefeatable - not necessarily with the most proven number of tests (most defendable, not just 'defensible'). Patience has become a lost art and as quickly as one can become 'first to market (or the Internet)', well, certainly, that is the same amount of time in which people will have forgotten any perjuries or lies or mistruths that one person may have told to become 'first to market'.

We seem in a world in which truth is no longer an honor and mediocrity has become sainted in a shameful way because it is simpler to claim a post by boastfully braggadocios means than it is to study, work hard, take time and earn respect. Yet, society continues to demand faster and faster speeds --

I wonder only, is this how we will fulfill the Mayan prophecy? Will we once again forget all that has been learned and created to have to rebuild from our forgotten status once more??

fear and the security to be individual...

We as humans are bound by the pressures to be part of a pack, institution, group, label, social class, country. Many millenia ago it was something ingrained upon us as we (as fragile and primal creatures) fought against the perils of nature by joining packs. We would submit our weaker physical selves and wills into the dominion of the alphas that would make us feel secure. Our chances of survival would increase, as the odds of hunt, winning at war, warmth against the cold would be in more favor. If the perils of nature were too much, our children- might still survive raised by another - granting us another sense of security.

Over differing centuries, as the landscape of the world grew more familiar- we evolved, created, tested, designed and fortified materials, armaments, clothing, foods, shelter, traveling means --- to shrink our fears of being outside of a protective 'pack'.

Yet the fright or flight syndrome grows even in this modern world. Sometimes, by downturns of the economy, threats to loved ones, pressures placed upon us by bosses or corporations or politics and policies--- sometimes, just by propoganda and a mere suggestion by media. ("War of the Worlds", radio broadcast).

Do we need to fear? Do we want to fear? Is fear a constant requirement for our creativities and empathetic ability? Does fear make us learn? Does fear make us evolve?

Do we need to destroy or control to create fear?

Can we evolve beyond this primitive response trait?

peaceable and human-- attainable if we all so choose----

Today’s world economics (corporate) and political campaigns are based on indulging upon advantageous moments of instability (to easily find salve labour, cheap resources, and to justify class structure of the wealth of one country vs. another, etc) – ie: it is based on instabiliy and war as the engine to control internationl ‘hierarchies’ and keep the primary largest corporate ‘home’ stations (nations) at the top. Thus world peace would destroy their model...

However- what if-- just what if our spiritual needs were awakened into the physical form?

Our spiritual selves do not so much require the excesses of luxury cars and mansions with exquisite furnishings. Gold and excesses are things of physical substitution, not necessarily a spiritual manifestation. When our souls and our consciousness disconnect, we may tend to fill our emptiness with diversions of the moment. Where does it say we require the mercedes and the caviar to survive? Why does a diamond give us a sense of title? How did we achieve such 'things' (if it has happened?)

Oftimes, the laws of economics begin with discussion of supply vs. demand. We, as the human subjugates of the corporate engines, are taught to 'create' the demand. It is our demand that creates the supply. Sometimes, the demand is in the name of life. Other times, it is to fill us with a few seconds of transitory satisfaction--- that passes.

If we were to fill our moments of need with human fulfillment and spiritual awareness... what would happen to the corporate laws of economics? How much more or less would the resources of the planet be needed? Would we need to covet our neighbor's new things???

Where in lies corporate function in this society except to feed primal insecurities and give into sociologic dog pack mentality?

WSJ printed a pity article today about the inner workings of Goldman Sach's 'partner's' circle and woe are they who will get demoted and become psychologically traumatized. The average salary is $200K annum and partner's make millions per year in bonuses. If you are 'demoted', you lose your bonus. If you are still 'popular', you will be told secretly and given the option for other company roles as non-partner or to have the choice to find another position and exit quietly. If you are not- well, surprise or you might be completely let go. Here's the catch- the psychological justification is to support the newest, hungriest, most profit returning 'talent'- however, they want high turnover to keep things 'fresh'. So each new 'inner' circle is supposed to be decided every 1 to 2 years, by an existing fraction of the current 'inner' circle. Thus, spreadout all over, people like Senator Corzine, Treasury Sec's Rubin and Paulson--- all former 'partners'.
However, think about it-- each 'inner' circle, selects the next inner circle.. etc. Has anyone noticed how in human pack mentality- conformity and group justification, not individuality or leadership, becomes the club's unwritten rules for inner acceptance? It has become the new feudalism selection process-- beyond marriage and chivalry, selling one's soul to the corporate ladder with a little nepotistic assistance seems the way to the privileged life. A new system of 'residency' that will secure the future of the money chain- the same one the general public has been trained to 'invest into', to 'trust', to 'bank with' and to build 'retirement funds' with. The same one the US government 'bailed out' to save the economy with.
Then they breed that trained neo-consciousness without their souls- and move into politics, other executive positions and create new corporations in the likeness and image of their first. They have learned to know one way of life, ‘live to make money’, and cannot step outside the boundaries into the unknown as their lives are conditioned and conditionally lived to served the corporate profit turns.

and many wonder why the system is such a mess—
So how does one help these people find a soul? Do they even want to feel anymore? Have they ever tasted water from a natural stream, watched animals at play outside of a zoo or video, ever felt the joy of completing a task of creative endeavor of their own making? Will they be given a chance to understand or experience the depths of all life has to offer?

a thought for the moment...

To think of places considered undeveloped or lost in the sense of current civilization, many often imagine ruins and third world countries full of destitute and hungry souls. One is taught by the media and conditioning to envision the depravity while appreciating the fortune of a full belly.

When traveling to such places, ofttimes, it is not the vision of the hunger and lack of materialism seen in the faces of the people. Often, it is the determination of life and the satisfaction of accomplishing each day in the fulfillment of living that day. When speaking to the children and young adults that have been exposed to western culture (USA and Europe) -- they have questions about giant buildings, man-made giant machines and the soul-less mass produced creations of large companies. They were once convinced to associate these things with wealth and satisfaction in life. Most of these things are very distant and removed from them, merely some physical man-made item that might someday be accessible or useful. These things do not have pet names, imaginary personas and are not quite an absolute necessity of their existence. Yet in continued conversation, one learns their souls are full, their lungs breathe air deeply and their hearts are happy.

Strolling around Manhattan in New York City, USA, today, I made a different observation. Every material creation is available within a few blocks. Every natural item, even food, is repositioned or recreated to be made into some form of visual enticement, advertising it as an 'additionally' beneficial item, whether necessary or not. Everything is for sale-- and everything has a price tag. There is nothing truly priceless, not even people or souls.

Here, I saw a number of souls half-full or with spaces, hearts in flux or worry and many smiles with emptiness. And here I observed many cars with pet names, computers with personas and multi-media phones taking precedence over basic neighborly greetings or having dinner as a family. There were also many with allergy pills, inhalers for COPD and many in a rush to swallow food without chewing, let alone taking the time to breathe while speaking on a phone. The conversation often heard was about lack of companionship, lack of time, lack of money. There were too many dreaming and wishing interest in other places in the world with cultures who demanded respecting time to live and experience life.

We are a forgetful lot--- and I wonder if I will know when I have 'enough' for satisfaction in the place I happen to be, instead of longing for what is elsewhere in a foreign land?

walking in a dual path

The first thing to question is, are we spiritual humans in physical form, or spirits temporarily captured in human physical form?

The next thing to ask is, do we recognize the spiritual self may not be a singular individual entity? That it actually may be connected to the greater universe?

If the above is accepted and known-- and exercised -- it could be possible to tap into something much more than this world of houses, cars, bills, society, work and technology. But it seems it can be also a burden, as so many of the great spiritual leaders lived outside of the norms of their society, answering to a different call. Our physical life, our societal demands, have besieged us with thoughts of expectations of the material kind. However, if we are destined to be spiritual messengers on a physical mission, how can the material values be of benefit when we are returned to the spiritual mission? What might the actual physical missions be?

I often wonder this as I explore the multiple, repetitious history of mankind. We seem to have evolved physically to an extent, yet, spiritually, we doom ourselves to the same cycle of egoism, power wagers, material hoarding and continue to live with a behavioral attitude based on fear of scarcity (of food, of water, of warmth, of comparison, of companionship, of shelter, etc.) Why do we choose to forget the mistakes of our physical ancestors and defy the thought that life is a continuum of cyclical evolution of energy? What if in the idea of reincarnation, we are 'spiritual students' who are to repeat each cycle of life until becoming a complete 'senescent adult'? If so, how many cycles would it take for those of us who exist with our behavior in this world?

They say we cannot carry the material world with us, as much as the remains of the pyramids of the Egyptian Pharoahs have shown us. Those things made of matter remain in forms of matter. Our spirit might be considered a form of 'anti-matter' (though some sciences have suggested there might be a measureable 'quantifying' value of matter to the 'soul'). Even the children and the children's children will one day succumb to the impermanence of life and only carry the wonderful memories and experiences to the 'non-form' world of the spirit. What is it then that we should represent? Why is it that we exhaust so much in worry on hoarding values of the physical world?

how can global peace be found outside without knowing peace inside?

Where has compassion and congeniality gone? Where is the truth of peaceable solutions and resolve? Where is there a moment of peace without a political or corporatized under current? When is 'enough' realized?
The modern “western” world of mass production, rapid transit and instantaneous services has brought about an air of convenience and personal convictions of desire. Dreams are made to not be broken, but to be made and outdone. Rewards are materialistic and spontaneity has become a norm. Conversation is restricted to the ‘new’ shortened language (as seemingly predicted by Orwell) in the form of SMS, email and informal slang--- of which, actual translation and interpretation of the person, becomes lost to overwhelming pushes of spam that divide our attention. Our sights become shorter in distance and the essence of origin and humility is forgotten to endless consumption without grace or gratefulness. All these ‘neo-philosophical commandments’, not for humanity or inner growth but rather, justified by the idea that we must forge human survival on profit and business.
In the midst of the ‘new order’, the medical annals continue to study the population’s increasingly disturbed symptoms in reaction to stress. It has been compared to ‘fright or flight’ syndrome. So many personal acquaintances are often speaking of how they ‘wish to get away’, ‘wish for another life’, ‘wish to be at another job’, ‘wish to be with someone else’, ‘wish to be someone else’. These are not necessarily ‘dreams’ to be fulfilled, but statements made as ordinary conversation. These are not wanton and needy persons, but rather, successful, well-to-do, competitive and ambitious people who state they love challenges and growth. They say they are grateful for their fortunate circumstances. Yet, they continue to feel amiss.
It is here I cannot help but wonder--- what is the state of their inner being they have not yet recognized the essence of the challenges, yet fortuitous karma they have been given? Perhaps in another life they suffered, endured and have been rewarded this time. Yet, in this ‘reward’, all the suffering forgotten, they long for more. They have been taught to run and move away from bad roommates in college, to separate from materially non-fulfilling relationships, to switch positions or companies from ‘bad boss syndromes’. Nothing is good enough, nothing is satisfying enough. Once is not enough. Life is not enough. Conversation is a ‘lost art’ and reality television or glamour gossip has replaced life with global conviction.
How fortunate we are, to afford to move or separate so easily? Some have become financially so ‘successful’ that they can buy their future away from negative fate itself. If they must face any discourse or anxiety, they need not face the challenge of truly communicating to find peace, but rather, can purchase ‘masker’ prescriptions or simply, ‘find another place to live’. Yet, unlike centuries past, we are able to move thousands of miles in a day with a little preparation, or, for the affluent, immediately if assistance is purchased. It seems some have become quite adept at ‘flight’ and live a constant state of ‘fright’ of conflict, ‘ugliness’, disagreeable terms or situations not to one’s pleasure.
Yet after the ‘flight’, the conflict does not seem to end. Instead, there is a continuous air of inner ‘non-security’, the fright. “Talk is cheap” is the mantra and conversation remains shallow at best.
I cannot but beg to ask, how is it the world has been ‘trained’ to emulate the neo-modern ‘western’ culture of spoils, in the quest of global peace? There is nothing wrong with seeking successes over ambition, but what of the inner balance that must so often be cast aside for the chance to seek glory in a material world. But what of those that do not remember their way to the inner world? Why has it become necessary to know the things of the 'convenience society' or of the 'rich and famous' to find self-worth?
How can peace be found or realized in such state?

What are we in the scheme of things?

Many times were spent under a tree or walking alone in a mountain forest pondering what might be the total essence of the 'whole person'. Sure, each are born, raised, taught, influenced, guided, grown and set on a path to propagate the cycle. Every 'living' creature (or plant) is given that task. Yet, what else? What more? Somehow, there is this interconnectedness that mates each of our existences into the universe, as bound by a duty on this planet surviving in it's biosphere by an underlying symbiosis of life. Surely, there must be more?

Here in lies my personal quest. Countless hours, lost moments spent on the visions from deep dreams of another time at night, while thoughts sent from an unknown would permeate conscious meditation. In between, the doldrums of school, life activities, work, relationships would suffice to fill the time when the mind needed respite from the altered connection to the unknown that could not be described.

I suppose by some standards, there are those who would laughingly call this a form of insanity or perhaps a drug induced psychosis, especially 30 to 40 years ago. Perhaps, as I was certainly in a non-standard, abusive household with more than its share of difficulties. Yet, I fulfilled all of life's little physical 'tasks' as the 'perfect child' for years, labeled as gifted in music, in arts, in scholastics and aptitude, athletic, creative, accomplished. I performed over two dozen instruments, sang, won ribbons in science fairs, skipped grades and scored highly on tests. And learned to cut and perm hair, alter clothing, make costumes, and even cook fancy meals, bake and decorate cakes along the way. And I rebeled lightly in the teen years during college, then continued on my own life path soon after graduation. Of course I made a lot of mistakes along the way and made choices that many would question, but I could only make the choices that seem right for me to follow after a while. Physical life becomes just that eventually, for everyone I suppose. Considering all of the events, actually, the standards of pressures placed on today's children, I would be quite ordinary. And as ordinary, I did not stand out too much, or become famous (or 'infamous' for that matter), or known as more than 'ordinary'.

Oddly enough, I did find it strange that many things came easily to me. I would 'hear' music and compose. It was as though an unseen guide would tell me how to solve many problems. Not everything was perfectly easy, of course, but it was like there was something there to move my thoughts, my hands and energy into place when it was needed. I've heard some others speak or write about that, but these are the things that are not quite explicable in this world.

It begs again the question, what is this unseen, unknown connection? Why was it here to assist me, or was I 'gifted' with a connection to it? The 'unknown' guide was like a grand consciousness that would sometimes give me hints along the way. For example, I had a horrible vision of a bridge collapsing due to an earthquake. Thirty days later, there was the same bridge from the earthquake in California in the late eighties. Sometimes, I'd feel the need to phone or visit someone and that person was indeed needy, or at a time of passing. Another time, I painted an outlandish modern styled painting. It was painted in the late eighties. Eerily, it had the picture of an airplane flying into two towers in a setting that seemed like NYC, but the ground below became a sink hole and the earth was swallowing masses of material pleasures with it. Even I'd forgotten the subject matter until after...

There are many records of people around the world with small coincidences (or larger ones), or psychics and the search for the connection to the unknown, God, Allah, Buddha, enlightenment, nirvana, the afterlife---- There are many people more sensitive and unable to function in this physical world. There are those who deliberately choose to ignore the unknown. However so, we are all interlinked in an amazing discovery life pattern that weaves all of our energies into a complex larger unit of life. Some can visualize this during meditation. Indigenous and mystics have called this a series of light tunnels, connections or web--- each linking every unit of life together into a synchronized universe for better or worse. Death and life, negative and positive, balance within this form to continue the momentum of life.

It seems then there is a universal consciousness, as some would say that would direct such. In this vast measure of things, we can only imagine the microcosm of a unit that each of us are. Yet, how vital, as if all of those connections would be suddenly interrupted, if we were to 'disconnect' from the giant web of energy bonds.

So again, in this perspective, what are we in the scheme of things? To which I can only assume-
to each his/her own destiny; to each, his/her own discovery.

the 'chi' factor

In studying 'chi' energy recently-- (or call it prahna, soul, etc.), the thought occured how rapidly we feel drained of personal chi in this world. The need to recoup our strength is constant-- the rush of losing time is constant-- the feeling of 'lostness' is constant. When our chi is healthy- we are intertwined with the universe, at one with the rhythm it offers and the cycles of nature-- and it is easy to feel contentment.

Taking the observation further-- it seems the entire 'new western' society is set up to drain our chi. Centuries past, humans created all things necessary as though it were a special work of art, as quality meant long term use, pride, respect and, in those times-- efficiency. The time to gather materials and recreate a bow and re-tool arrows would be enormous and they might miss their opportunity to hunt for food or protect themselves during attack. A good bow and good arrows, built to last, meant survival. A well made piece of clothing or jewelry, showed admirable skills and display of such God gifted talent often received respect from others. And such talent would often be a reminder of the generosity of the Great Spirit and the Universe-- to bestow upon us the tools and the muses of creativity.

However, then came the new rules of economics. Enforce capitalism by laws of supply and demand. The most successful companies also learned to market a supposed 'demand' to a populous who did not even require the goods they produced. Before long, comparative envy became another tool in the evolving layers of the 'new rules of business engagement'. And then, a marvelous theory called 'mass production'.

In mass production, a single creator (or small creative team) -- would focus all their chi into a project and design. Every detail would be pre-conceptualized into the theory, then the best points of the theory, created into a real design. But, that prototype would suddenly have to be made into large replications, to 'supply' the 'created demand' for that item. Interestingly, to 'capitalize' on the extended potential income, competing companies, even in other countries, would stamp out 'knock-offs' of the original design to attempt to fulfill more of the 'created demand'.

With each step of urgency-- the originally intended 'chi' becomes diminished into the ever growing pyramid that re-distributes the delicate weave of the chi branches into more and more sub-chains. Like a single drop of red dye turning a cup of water red, then pouring the cup into a pitcher, then pouring that into a lake, and so on. Eventually, the red dye that might represent the original chi is so diminished, there is no trace of the life giving force at the point of origin.

Then as the mass produced items are purchased, one might recognize how much weaker and less sturdy each generation of production becomes. The company, in order to become more efficient, may even order 'stream-lining' cuts to cost of production each quarter or year-- eventually, further reducing any initial chi. Quality and pride suffers--- and at the end, there is no respect or life left in the product. The consumers who purchase them might find a fickle moment of joy in owning the item, then toss it the month as much in the behavior of the convenience store society we have become. And the employees who produce the item see more of it in the garbage, and feel more pride and more chi drained from their system as the realization of producing eventual garbage becomes a reality.

The most dangerous underlying factor is, with each low cost produced fanciful item we purchase and toss, we must devise a means of making up for it's lack of chi by losing more of our own chi. We will need more time to find a replacement-- more earnings and money to pay for its replacement -- less joy (draining of chi) after gaining the 'trash' and having to clean up -- and even give up more chi as we must spend time to properly dispose of the 'garbage'. Environmentally, we must rob the earth of resources and elements and its chi to make further replacements and then we are robbed of even more time so more chi is lost. We become the hamsters in the wheel-- trapped by the ever diminishing returns of power failure in a system that continues to break down with the multiple weak links due to lack of chi to support life in the system.

In the end, the earth is robbed, the air and water become polluted, we become ill and stressed and all of the efficiencies of mass production and mass economy become the ever enlarging black hole with no exchange of chi returned to us. The temporary spurts of energy felt become a disappointing facade that only lures to embrace the last of our chi from us.

Perhaps then, the old crafters and Amish farmers that spend the extra hours whittling with a small blade, or tilling soil with a stubborn mule --- but with inventions and crafts that last decades without fail, or bountiful harvests in unforgiving conditions---- do indeed have a secret to share. Perhaps their silent exchange of chi gives respected life to the impossible, only to mock the convenience store lifestyles with an assured efficient lifestyle of simplicity with things that never fail and are always dependable?

when business became bad....

It seems business too was an invention of mankind born out of necessity to communicate--- and initially managed by compassion and humanity for the good of humanity (equalizing distribution, equalizing shares, provisions for necessity means) ---
But... then the idea of power and greed devised a means of creating a sense of 'scarcity' and 'insecurity', or at least, projecting it through examples of natural disasters that 'might' come. How interesting it was for those few who displayed their desire to control as a creator would and founded the means and ways to attempt to control mass numbers of humans through business. These souls of discontent who seat in themselves an empty space without grounding have evolved to control our necessities, to try to control what we think as 'necessities' - and even, when we are allowed to sleep, eat, etc--

These sadly impoverished souls who know not alternative sateity seem only to know to seek power--- by means of attempting to control our individual internal rhythms-- to control our spirit through forced behavior and then 'they' can take our minds to justify themselves as being 'right' when taking advantage of the eager ones who would contribute and interact out of joy--

Because for a moment- these lost ones feel as though stealing some 'chi' (by making another person afraid, hungry, lost, or in loss) from another would satisfy them-- only to find an inner emptiness again- and lonely and at another loss---

So the cycle of the fickle business machine devised from this became at best-- a revolving door of throw away moments and destructibles based on extraordinary short time production without concessions for quality or thought to the beauty of the chi in crafting such inventions. Business and math were made to create a time clock to force an alternate necessity- to remove the human factors that were so foreign to the lost ones in the new political machines.

And it was only for several centuries of human history, as is now- business became bad as it has no longer the purpose to serve, it is has become the means for those who wish to be served.

Perhaps we must discuss the 'chi factor' and reclaim our humanity?

a true center 'of and from' gravity

When there was a time with too much unknowns, human placed a grand amount of trust into a world deemed mysterious and ruled by supernatural beings that influenced our very core of existence.

In our current world, with so much 'explained' through science, we often wonder if there is even a mystery left to be had. Yet, there is a fundamental basis of core religions subscribed to by most of the advanced and civilized cultures of the world. The sense of oneness that increasingly develops from the studies of the differences of the religions, is that there is a core need for a sense of universal knowing, a universal security and a bonding force with the last of the mysteries, and a human need to feel a belonging in a world that does not see clear to explain our purpose and destiny. It is not for the need to find the ethical divide, nor is it the need to claim a singularity of force, or to satisfy our need to justify our actions.

In the ensuing confusion, some choose to not believe in a universal force or deity. Others choose to not believe until it is proven to them. There can be even more, who choose there is a non-existence for "such silly notions". And then, there are the ones who believe, who impose and who uphold their deity as the supreme sole being and themselves as the carriers of justice. Thus, politics and egocentric opinions enter the ring of spiritual argument and sway pendulums continually in directions skewing each of us away from our center of gravity, claiming we've evolved from our primal cores. This is where it becomes confusing-- as I seem to recall everyone from teachers to clergy telling me balance with an axis of center of gravity is necessary for our sanity.

Once, someone told me our intuition is never confused, so if our instincts and emotions feel confused, it is a sign of a negative force removing us from our true self-nature. So confusion is also a sign and a gateway-- for us to being our seeking, to claim our place and earn our self-awareness. Our curiosity and our seeking, and our creativity-- is what defines our differentiation from our primal core. We can choose to evolve from our primal selves, through spiritual, mental and physical evolution. It is our destiny to merge our universal spiritual link to the raw primal physical one within our most conscious selves - which insinuates a "balance". So how can I assume I am fulfilling my own evolutionary destiny if my vision becomes skewed? How do I remain on my own paths?

It is then I choose to block away the reality as I know it, entering the mystifying world deep in my psyche that sleeps. I deny not all the gifts of learning and experiencing all of the beautiful religions and cultures around the world-- the glory of Christ, the beauty of Allah and the peacefulness of Buddha, and more. I accept all of these things, I embrace them. I walk into them. I move to the world before their existence. I face my primal core-- the animal nature we all have inside. I choose to feel the state of being before there was judgement, with the rawness and purity of knowing only life and existence, the cycles of birth and death, regeneration and destruction. A peaceful swaying of rhythmic cycle, like the ocean tide rising and receding --- like the supernovas that stretch and retract in phases---- like a slow and smooth, gentle heartbeat. It's a state of knowing a permanence and a powerful connectivity that exists with no sense of denial or possessions and no knowing of existence or non-existence. It is a place where self-love of all that we are, the harsh primal core that can be angry, fearful, naive, loving, joyful, glorious and innocent all at once--- animal-like or pure and angelic-- it is the piece of the universal spirit that lives within us---

it is sometimes called our "God" center-- the one Buddha, Allah, Jesus (Christ), perhaps found---

in their own balance--

by loving and accepting their responsibility to their total self--- without any denials or regrets, within their center of gravity, merged with their central self away from physical gravity, but also merged with all of existence, all at once.

what a peaceful place it is, and what a synchronized symbiosis it would be--- if...

All I wish for is freedom

I had this incredibly frustrating day that ended in my psyche feeling wretched, as though it was trapped like a mouse in a laboratory maze. Utterly defeated and helpless, I left the office and sat in the car and screamed my head off to relieve the stress before I started the engine. (No one was left at the workplace, I was the last one to leave, so no one was there to see.)

...and then it dawned on me....

The depravity of realizing fortuitous certain future profits is creating a sense of paranoia in the leadership of the company I work for. The board and the CEO seems to be under the influence of an antiquated version of aggressive parasitic economics as their solution. Yes, they were previously good and generous managers. Yes, they also were surviving on an extreme water slide of pure old fashioned luck. But, they had never lost before.

In their ensuing worry over their 401K and portfolio losses, apparently they decided to overtly exhibit their anxiousness and anger by funneling it toward the employees and dependants of the business they own--- the company that so many work for. The issue is how like with 'Reaganomics', the cesspool of negative energy trickles slowly downward to the extension of all the 'employees'. So various VP's and directors suddenly become extended voices of the new manifesto: "COST CUT, FIND MONEY, MAKE LARGER MARGINS, MAKE SALES HAPPEN OR FIRE EVERYONE"....

Suddenly there are demands for activity and project lists, minute by minute updates, increased workloads, severe productivity orders, AND --- a multitude of added conference calls, emails, meetings, checks, calls, text messages, project updates... and so on ... and then more priority shifts... more cancellations of projects... more experts... less staffing... new projects... ... ... ... ... ...

In the last few months, the new year has been met with a steady and silent punishment by the board members to make up for their losses. Gone are the bravos of the successes of last season or the inconceivably remarkable growth of the company acquisitions and distribution of the last few years. Gone is the former recognition for the successful launches of ribbon awarded products only a few months ago. In its place is a series of back stabbing, finger pointing, double speak politics and crumbling trust with a pride in cutting corners and many times, lies and round about talks to create diversion from the very lack of productivity caused by this new chaos. Somehow, the Madoff ponzi disaster that so directly affected the board's and manager's portfolios became our psychological burden, as the newly structured lay off patterns left only those who were politically savvy and eager to micromanage others in their quest to provide a dehumanized spreadsheet of our deemed 'usefulness'.

This new disease that spreads mental abrasion is actually an old one. Embarrassingly I recall the father reared by war that shed his negative management on my toddler hood, childhood, teen years--- and early adult years, until the day I left when I finally realized as much as I could not heal his emptiness or pain, he could no longer leash me from my freedom.

We are all born with the undeniable right of freedom, or so I wished to believe with all of my heart. Then a realization hits me in early adulthood. To live in a society that barters by credit and printed money-- I am shackled to the burden of trading my skills, my possessions, my life, myself--- to the quest of a steady stream that would support my quest for freedom.

As I became jaded with the never-ending cycle of living costs and life demands, the cynicism that we labeled much of the elder generations from the depression begins to sink into my own mind. This societal environment has conditioned us all---- we have become forced to believe in a system of greed because there is never enough money to have the freedom that movies and media have taught us is possible. Most of us are not able to have or earn enough to travel on the Concorde to see the Eiffel Tower at a moment's notice; there is even fewer with the privilege of seeing the Serengeti or northern lights in Siberia. And eventually, as we overcrowd nature with our desires for the temporary material toys most are 'allowed' to afford--- most will not be able to afford the luxury of visiting or enjoying nature in its non-manufactured and majestically self-evolved state.

I drove home in the anguished self-loathing of having become enslaved and micromanaged by the burden of want of affording freedom--- again. I wondered too, if the managers that forced their micromanagement on me had unwittingly ignored their reason and merely become unconsciously enslaved to this notion as well. Their negative impact on my mind is not easily shed, as I am judged by how much I am like, or not like them--- as they release the weight of their burdens upon me.

In my choice to not be a continuing part of the negative chain, I submit to the deafening drone of my consciousness reminding me how I had to leave the father who could not stop his cycle of shifting anger and blame to those around him. When I left-- he stated to strangers that he wished me to suffer and become damaged as much as he. I swore I would seek freedom at almost any cost (but within the boundaries of my ethical needs to never sell myself). But as an adult in a land that demands basic living needs, I find myself barely able to afford a small portion of the freedom I seek to explore the world--- or, be free to choose the type of productive life that would find me joy.

I know my sentiments are not alone. I can only hope my patience withstands the attacks of this world of burdens and I will not submit to wishes of my managers to contribute to the negativity while attending to my responsible 'duties'.

And I wonder how many multitudes of other souls that walk this earth now, am caught in the same web. I wonder if the web can be re-woven, and re-balanced, re-shaped, to become as beautiful as one found in a remote forest sunrise, where the dew sparkles rainbows to let our minds wonder again with the vision of a new dawn. It is in human capacity to hope for miracles, and to bond together to make dreams into reality. Civilizations and philosophies changed over history, as buildings and empires crumbled and were reborn. Shifts in conscious awareness changed history-- and impacted human lives over millenia. Single amino acid sequence order switches changed entire genepools. And a singular desire to respect, share and honor with each other, just might, release us of the burden of greed.

I allow that hope to carry me through the night into the next day... and the next... and the next... or until I am fortunate enough leave this reality for the one I hope for....

dare we trust our own perception?

Ready for an early appointment, several people sit awaiting their turn in the dentist's chair. Most are neighbors, evidently, discussing a number of different events and local gossip. Evidently, one of the men recently noticed another neighbor with a new dog, a doberman pincher. The man described in anxious and flurried details of how no human should ever befriend or own a doberman. He deeply believed all dobermans were deranged, unstable and 'unworthy' of being loved as a pet or for any human interaction.

I left the office after the appointment, distressed in those comments. I could not fathom judging one dog, let alone an entire sub-species of dog, as unstable or unworthy of being loved, as a pet or not.

Several days pass and the first true warmth allows the first drive of the season with the windows down and the top open. While stopped at a light, I notice the leaves of the trees beginning to mature from the spring buds washed anew by the April rains, the misty air attracting my attentions to the sounds of the chirping fledglings in the nests and recall fond memories of young rabbits and birds in the wild from my youth. We had 'barn cats' then - raised free in the remote suburbs on a small farm plot, where they were allowed to form their own packs, form their own dominance order, hunt, reproduce, and play as they chose. One even adopted a small beagle as her own non-feline companion-- as she had turned too wild to feel comfortable by the other cats that enjoyed seeking our 'human scent' attentions (or rather, 'scenting us' as 'their' humans). I remembered also, how the female cats with young would proudly take the kittens on their first hunt, within 2 months of age. I'd watch them playfully bound through the tall grass and walk with tails swaggering high on their first successful hunt --- while attempting to find a sunny spot in which they might sit a moment to cleanse the blood from their fur.

As the light changes and I focus on present reality again, the landscapers near the roadside are trimming the trees and carefully planting the 'male' flowering bushes and trees in perfectly plotted dimensions across the suburbia we have so become accustomed to accept as our 'natural surroundings'. There is dusty grass shavings blowing in the air from the weed whackers and lawn mowers, the smell of mulch and fertilizers and overwhelming noise from the various lawn care motors. My eyes begin to itch a moment, until I have pulled away with the traffic ahead of me.

As these moments rummage through my consciousness, suddenly the scenery around me changes shape. I consider a multitude of theories determined in human history as 'significant discoveries', whether of art, music, science, philosophy or any number of 'classifications'. Then the angst that so lingered in my childhood mind returns---- perhaps it was my childish notion then, but the recurring thought strikes me over and over. In the context of human language, we have been experiencing and observing life in the quest to find meaning. Yet-- in our seemingly advanced times of mankind, we have become too accustomed to the notion of 'assigning meaning'. The first ones to observe or discover during their life experience, receives accolade and credit, then is rewarded with 'assigning' the name by which we shall all 'know' that discovery. If the 'idea' or device should be found a useful power, the inventors and discoverers are bowed to like the Pharaohs of Egypt, as the seats of conquest determine political usefulness and honor of the 'one'. The greater the usefulness or omnipotence, the more celebrated the honor. And usually, by the answer from, in the name of, and in the hope of becoming, "God" (or all-powerful and all-knowing.)

Mary Shelley once wrote that man's true desire was to emulate our creator and become as great and omniscient creator as God. She challenged our thoughts on morality and ethics at the dawn of modern industrialization in Europe. Things we thought improbable became new reality and things impossible became probable. She came along and challenged our perception of ourselves at a moment of sudden self-discovery and realization of modern mechanics by humans. We call her the 'founder of science fiction'.

We have been wrong many times in history, from the concentric (egocentric) view as earth at the center of the universe to believing the sun was a chariot in the sky. But we changed our perceptions along the way, and discovered new truths, and the reality as we know it to be today.

Or is it?

As I reminisce on the conversation of the man that labeled all dobermans as unworthy--- I cannot help but wonder how egocentric our judgement and assumptions have become. I wonder about how much we have accepted as truths about nature--- only to realize we've driven nature out of balance with those assumptions. We think creatures fear or despise us, yet refuse to understand how much we have taken away from their hunting grounds and their lairs. We change our landscape to suit our vision, without acknowledging we might just be pieces of the greater landscape ourselves---- not 'worthy' of judging what the landscape should be. And we plant only the flowering bushes while medicating ourselves to avoid suffering from the allergy reactions to the extreme pollen the trees produce to find it's female blossoms.

I wonder then, perhaps our perceptions have been tainted by our own desire for 'omniscience' as challenged by Mary Shelley. Perhaps we are wrongfully creating our own deformed offspring and future by not realizing the spirit that sleeps within. Perhaps, it is time for a new challenge to our perception..... Perhaps we need to realize the miracle of being human is not achieving our desires of omnipotence and omniscience--- but rather the ability to change, adapt and integrate our perception into a universal and harmonious vision---- if we so choose??

There is a silent whisper that calls to all of us

In the annals of history are reminders of the stories that define our ‘human-ness’. The fables of the Pacific Islander’s birds that flew between the physical and spiritual worlds; the mysteries of the blessings of Ra and Isis; from the wrath of Kali to the stories of babies delivered by pelicans. How wonderful it was to be blessed by any one of the goddesses, Bast, Brigit, Bendis or Ishtar--- as fertility (of womb and crops) would reign steadfast. Or be blessed by the muses of Sophia or Oman, depending on the final creation, that is. Or maybe how some wished to have the knowledge of Sinaa or Uaica, to be free to be healed and able to foretell events.

These are the fantasies and fables that bring us pleasure (or, to some, smirks of our formerly primitive comprehensions) when we are told of them in this world of explained technologies and postulated sciences. We mock the world of totem spirits and creatures that would haunt us. We jest at the thought of magical elves and witches or gypsies that would be known to curse. Yet wishfully with great joy, teach our children of Santa Claus and Leprechauns.


Perhaps as you read this, your childhood fancies alight for a moment in those comforting memories from years past. But then we take a second moment to recover our thoughts to dismiss the notions, pulling ourselves together. We revive our recognition of the present state, only to laugh at our insignificant silliness of those innocent times, when we dared to believe in the ‘fantasies’ too easily, as those juvenile by-gone years delivered carefree longing forever.

Yet, in today’s world -- as we muse against the backdrops of words by governing officials — as advertised by the new venues of corporate marketing, the entertainment media--- in our perhaps over stimulated, chaotic and droll personal world -- we might make ourselves integrally an unwitting partner to new fables and global rumors. Fondly missing national unity that once existed in times of war, we are too eager to accept words like ‘axis of evil’ and believe in a biased one-sided report of giant factions of devilish sentries walking the earth. The grandeur of such organized dangers, conjures the imagery of the armies of Goliath or the walking dead of Hades. And in reactive eager state, then seek the master general or leader that would lead us past the dangers, a new father or mother figure to be hailed as the new savior and new legend. So we bear witness to the creation of a new pharaoh or emperor that will become the superhero, able to do the impossible and cast away the Chibchachum(s) or keep away Batara or quell Musso-Koroni. There will be stories made of this leader, grandeur ceremonies, books and maybe even film. In all cases, this leader becomes the new legend and we believe him/her not to be all powerful, but at least all persuasive, commanding, and to carry our expectations through for us.

I can only wonder then if we are truly exercising our advancements and evolved philosophies. How then, are we to separate ourselves from our naïve pasts if in our innocent trust of flash media, we find ourselves so eager to believe in the modern fables of danger and angst, daring to profess personal responsibility to a new superhero, rather than accepting our small but significant role in the transcendence to peaceful universal unity? In our impetuous needs to believe in the creation of a foe and searching for the new mystical commander, we desperately create the same fear of unknowns, of scarcity, of ‘aloneness’ and create justification for outlets of aggression and destruction. Instead of honoring or revering the cycles of nature (life, death, recreation and natural disintegration) --- we spend futile precious hours of our life in pursuit of finding OR, becoming our created definition of a God (to control, to be omniscient, to have power and to be savior ---- but we add the greed.) We refuse to believe in symbiosis and delicate balance as the source of the cycle of life and the universe--- as we cannot possibly believe the things we cannot see, no matter the centuries of scientific exploration or, exploitations. We too often enjoy choosing aggressive bonds to pre-empt suggestions of competition, rather than finding the bonding rewards of comradery from friendly competition.

The silent whisper that speaks to us, will often murmur the message of nature as we watch the normally competitive and fierce creatures joining together to signal each other of impending dangers and storms. In their language, we assume the tigers are angrily screaming at gazelles lunging in their path when running from a flood. However, the tigers do not kill those in their path-- it is their language to insist on moving faster. We have even marveled at the family pets that nurtured wild animal cubs as their own--- something humans do so rarely for their own, let alone other species.

Yet, on the same note-- we see normally docile, tortured and human over-bred farm animals in cages attack and kill each other for sake of just an inch buffer of freedom of space. We assign and glorify this as a value of Darwinian survival skills, as the alpha personas impose their power on the recessive ones. It seems it is the way of nature to seek balance and number itself into space -- so nature will redefine what it must if imposed upon. Or, is it our tampering and our interpretation of perception that assumes this to be 'survival of the fittest'?

If we truly are here to assume our philosophical superiority in the animal kingdom, why is it then, we choose to create our power-packs allegiances via outer adornments (clothing or pins), hair styles, dominance intended aggressions--- and blinding our own faith and power in order to submit to the social order? Perhaps it is easier than accepting there are laws and boundaries within a universe beyond our making--- and that even our 'superiority' is flawed and with limitations. Or perhaps it is because we have chosen to dismiss our own truths to find escape in entertainment based alter-realities that would circumvent symbiosis with our neighbors, nature or this planet.

Or just maybe, we have forgotten how to be within our dream with nature and have instead chosen to accept our own 'new modern fables' to maintain our insistence of superiority over anything, even to even our ancestors? I wonder then, where is the truth in our 'human-ness'???

"we are what we eat"

At the age of three, my father decided to raise our first pigs and make his first home made sausage. He bought livestock at the nearest farmer's market auction in the early spring, built large comfortable wood platform board pens on stilts under a light birch and oak tree canopy and placed 3 or 4 piglets into each pen. The pigs were surprisingly organized and bright, it seemed, as each decided to make hay beds and choose only one corner to use as a 'toilet' area (usually opposite the feeding troughs). And they had their play area. As the piglets grew, my parents would separate them into their own pens, so they could each have plenty of room. But the slats dividing the pens were wide, and though large, the pens were within visual range of each other, so the pigs remained somewhat social--- as I would hear them squeal or snort to each other or peer their heads above or between the panels. And each had their own way of greeting each of us, recognizing us, and sometimes, even attempting to be playful as though they were a pet to us. It was very funny how when they were hungry, they'd push the troughs over as close to us as possible with their snouts, then look up with a gesture of asking -- nodding their heads towards the trough.

I learned to respect the animals then-- not just the pigs, but all animals. Slowly, however, the end of summer was near for the pigs, and my father began his first butcher process. He chose one of the pigs and got out a gun. I ran and hid and held my fingers in my ears, as I could not bear to hear the shot or watch. I heard there was no struggle and it done quickly, as humanely as possible. Then I stood and watched as he proceeded with the skinning and cleaning process. Because both my parents had known hunger and respect for nature, he was rather cautious in his method, carefully hanging and cleaning well, cutting perhaps amateurishly, but with care. Some of the cuts were wrapped to be taken to a friend's smokehouse. Some were salted. The gut regions were cleaned well and dipped in prepared salt and vinegar solutions and washed again, so they could be used to make sausage. Everything was done with the focused energy like an artisan crafter might put into an ornate grand ice sculpture.

As a child, the meat from this tasted wonderful. Everything was done with the old fashioned concerns of selecting the feed, caring, maintaining cleanliness, then selecting only enough to fill one freezer for the family. The other animals were traded or kept for breeding next season. Nothing was wasted --- as the bones were cooked in stews, then given to the dogs, or crushed and put back into soil to fertilize.

He did the same with poultry and beef much of my childhood. Even milk was from local dairies, and all types of fish from neighbors and friends who'd fish.

I stopped eating meats regularly sometime ago, and almost all of the times remain vegetarian now. When I stopped eating meats, it never seemed to taste the same, or there is something missing in the meats -- like a distasteful energy is interfering with receiving the energy from the food.

Sadly, a recent documentary film on HBO shed light on the new world of food. (www.hbo.com/docs/programs/deathfactoryfarm/index.html)

The animals appear diseased in body and spirit. Their eyes showed the emptiness of disdain for their circumstance, and a longing for what might be. In the hierarchy of nature, animals are quite aware of the food chain and expect to eat and survive or be eaten. It is not their way to not understand the possibility of their purpose, as their connection to nature and the universe is more their state of being than ours. But their destiny, to feel the energy of life and the feel of soil between their hooves, or let soft rain fall on their open mouths while running on pastures --- will not be theirs as we capture their spirits in the confining pens in which they cannot turn and then beat them when they beg to know the sun.

These are the fodder that are handled roughly and kicked before they are weighed on scales to determine their worth in goal. In this instance, the humans corralling the pigs have only malice on their faces, as they only realize the physical commodity of the livestock. The under weights and the ill ones are killed off and thrown about carelessly into open graves as useless carcasses. The handlers do not even think them worth stock for fertilizer or for animal feed. They have no respect or connection to what nature or the universe gifts them for their survival. The livestock is merely a nuisance required in their daily routine and nothing more.

When viewing the brutality of the nonhuman character that emerges with such a blind and unfocused need to exhibit a useless power over the most helplessly crippled creatures, I could only feel pity for the dead soul that betrays the movement of the body exterior. The dark spirit explodes a shallow but destructive force of negative disease so great that nature is divided by unseen barriers--- breaking the very foundations of life. I ask myself then, what reason came by our ancestors as to create a proverb that ‘we are what we eat’. Does this mean we can be diseased not only in body but in spirit as well?

I cannot but help recall the fables and stories of the rituals of the primitive cultures that would perform ceremony to celebrate and give thanks to the life of every plant and animal that would bring us nourishment. A successful hunt as natural law allowed would insure survival of all the species if within the symbiosis boundaries. We would not be able to always hunt down the most dominant creature--- usually capturing a more recessive (or most unlucky) trait animal as the meal. Yet, the fighting spirit of the animal was honored, and the carcass would insure nourishment to the family for strength to continue in new generations. As we grew strong, so did the animals around us, as we adapted to each other’s strengths and survival skills. We evolved as the universe intended us to.

In this ‘new world’ of mass production of food that is stabilized and respect forgotten, when do we reconnect to nature? Where is the sanctity of the parallel evolutions of different species? Are we so conceited that we have removed nature’s bounty and replaced it with a slow and self-destructive disease?

We are what we eat. Clarity of goals and achievements come with choice of actions. And we still have free-will. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with natural order.

trained without being trained

Today is the day to return to the normalcy which consumes us into daily routine. Yet, somehow, there is the preponderance of a suggestion, a new growth and language or theory that comes to speak of the new world to come. Where I belong in this communicative link, is an extraordinary question which cannot be determined through an ordinary reality or life.

I have come to understand the presence of this society and of nature itself, to be built upon the necessity of a slight degree of instability, always striving to achieve balance. A physicist I know, who is strongly rooted in Newtonian theory, determines our existence is merely temporary, to be destroyed and restarted within a ‘rubber band-like’ cycle. Therefore, if we destroy ourselves ‘properly’, the universe would capsize unto itself and achieve a moment of static foundation where it finds a transient millisecond of true balance, only to rebound and restart the cycle of expansion again. In his mind, annihilation, if done for scientific purpose, is absolute, probably necessary and definitely a plausible expected outcome. Therefore, though he might live a conservationists lifestyle by most definitions, he thinks to inquire, study, use and if ‘accidentally’ destroyed to beyond useful purpose, the universe will simply right itself due to a law of rebounding. He also has no belief in an actual universal consciousness, and remarks humans to be singular individual entities on only a path of curiosity and discovery. In that light, we are not to be keepers and maintain balance, but rather, we are here to learn by dissemination before creating restructure—as we must become master of knowledge before keeper of our world.

How odd this sounds to me, as his life ultimately had to be saved by achieving a self-balance state. In his belief structure, he is without regard for a possibility of an ‘after-life’ – though he does acknowledge that energy and atoms are ‘recycled’ to a new purpose throughout all universes. Therefore, death is a total cease to exist of himself, while he is here to experience all he can. So he challenged death to come to him when he lost balance in his life, he challenged death to take him, when his fear of death no longer exceeded his will to experience life, he almost died.

He sought balance through wishing death. How sad it was as he lay in medical need. A brilliant mind and talent, he was wasting away within a belief structure that could not be proven or denied, willfully deciding on a fate that was not his to make at the time.

I wonder about the analogy of this and today’s times. There has been the “X” generation, a ‘me’, a ‘Y’, a ‘hippie’, a ‘yippie’ and ‘yuppies’ that have come and gone. They were trained in the ways of self-glorification through adornment of brand labels that glittered and cast imageries of Hollywood starlets, regardless of their original values. we became the trained walking billboards for the majority corporations and labels--- we became, part of the advertising model for wielding brand power, while not part of the corporate team. Worse still, we replaced quality and ethical technologies with labels that represented mass production gimmicks. it became the conundrum that shaped our latch key children for the last three decades.

In this model, we chose to become imbalanced by placing values on an altered identity, rather than seek our true selves. How perfect—for the profit raiders. Blindness is the greatest weakness humanity can offer to become vulnerable. As with the physicist who chooses to challenge universal consciousness and defy death, this self-inflicted blindness creates the model for the new ideal that proposes denial of intuitive faith by way of theories and things justifiable, rather than allow for the supposition of the impossible. In this manner, we easily trade truths for proposals and speculations. We become the grey area, the socialized model of mediocrity – the expected ‘sheep’ for the lackluster shepherds led by greed rather than by necessity and invention. We expect another to be blamed, and responsibilities to be shed and cast away beyond our duty.

We have been trained well, without being trained.

the 'art' or 'argument' in perception, as physics meets philosophy

I’ve become friends with a physicist. His mind is brilliant beyond ordinary reason, and his accomplishments are extraordinary, in athletics, special government awards, scholastics and in multiple specialized fields from mechanics through to nuclear sciences. He understands and teaches advanced wave theory and calculates algorithms for assessing all probable cause and effect relationships in acoustical and nuclear physics, as well as aerospacial movement of objects or particles and design of such models. He's lived well and nearly died multiple times, on the cusp of taunting his own gift of existence.

Surprisingly, doesn’t believe in an existence of a divine, nor does he believe infinity is truly possible --- he believes all things are finite, otherwise, he is unable to calculate or prove it’s relative existence. His truth and beauty only lies in the proof of the equation and absolutes, including predictable control of the outcomes, eventually mastering the control.

OUCH. That threw me for a loop.

My perspective (from shamanic thoughts influences) is in the inter-relationship of all matter and ‘anti-matter’ as a symbiosis (in equilibrium status) to perpetuate existence in kinetic energy state equals life. That is, through hierarchy of energy states that exist as in the examples of atomic structure, this ‘hidden’ desire of existence (of a divine nature) requires evolutionary state and transformation which creates and ascertains that infinity then is possible (and required) due to the fact that the unseen dimensional universe is evolving as much as in the examples of our physical evolutions, and that, our world’s evolutionary status is a foundational energy exchange that ‘feeds’ the grander hierarchy of the universe itself--- so the divine is within and without us, at all times, in a symbiotic exchange….. BUT that we, in our limited physical capabilities to perceive this in physical sensory form--- are us unable to comprehend the inter-dependant relationship of true string theory (which is flawed for its linear propositions) or ‘butterfly effects’ – which is why Occams Razor was postulated into quantum theory in the first place…

That threw him for a loop.

We are at an “argumentative’ impasse due to opposing points of perception. I consider this a gift--- as each one of us has the unique ability to gift the universe with our personal experience. He sees beauty in life like we all do, but he chooses to see death as a finite that is separate from life and an ultimate end. I choose to see death as a transformation that is a necessary existence for the cycle of life, continuity, of sorts.

He seems to appreciate the ‘gift’ of opposing views as well. But damned if I didn’t have to “artfully” earn the position of respect for my point of view in the argument. However, he is learning that empathetic communication is the key for non-escalating and non- isolating interpersonal skills.

What a beautiful world it could be if we would choose to understand and learn empathetic communications tempered with acceptance, respect, knowledge, and the search for truth.

Btw--- LOL--- he is learning this because he accepted that I ‘won’ one point---- if applying the assumption that infinity in dimensional theory were true because of our inability to perceive beyond our human physical structure--- then one has to assume that every possible outcome of right or wrong in truth has to all be true because mathematically, in an infinite universe, all outcomes eventually equate to the value of true. Therefore, there is no plausible reason to create a biased argument in the first place because everyone’s opinions or perceptions must be assumed as someone’s truth. Double up the LOL, considering that I was taking the position of NOT trying to win any sides, just sharing personal perspective.



NOVEMBER 8, 2008

muy interesante

originally written November 2008

This recent adventure, one without much expectation, has created a new void within. I am finding a spatial emptiness where once stood the certainty of stemmed regularity--- the suburban patterning for securing a future within a career as the only option to an otherwise dull and abstinent lifestyle devoid of travel and modern conveniences. Now I long for a new world that beckons me to respond to assist a medium that cannot be explained, expressed, or afforded by the physical means.

The scenery pasted in front of the once wild desert plateau is the wasted mining towns and the ‘new’ corporate globalization strategy. The creation of super-highways to ‘el zona industria’ and GMC, and the location of the new WallMart shopping malls (complete with Firestone, Costco and McDonald’s) on the outskirts of the city seemed a sarcastic surrealist interpretation of the once serene with nature but harsh Aztec lifestyles. A complete ‘land of extremes’, my friends say—in which the old culture clashes with the new baby-boom youth, yet the church and pre-christian traditions still live side-by-side in an understated model of 16th century global conquest. In this way, the adobe buildings that threaten to crumble into dust in the old city, is intertwined with the Tele-Mex internet and satellite provisions run by the sparse few lucky enough to afford their BMW’s and Mercedes driven from their state of the art interior decorated, modern, ‘grande casa’. Odd how juxtaposed the cultural precedence’s are with the scheming desperate desires to become enslaved by the ‘nuevo riche’, a noted marketing success of modern empires.

In this scenario, I find myself internally choking, as I see only the devastation of the rich tradition and craftsmanship of the past, by unnecessary mass production and creations of big business. The delicacies of the locals, the gorditas con quesco y salsa, and chili rellenos, already redefined into mass marketed similes by corporate representation in the U.S., is soon to become extinct locally to the Burger King, Carl’s Jr. and Starbucks. The local artesian shops carrying hand reproductions of centuries old tradition, now government sponsored and managed, can only muster hope that a single conscience of appreciation might offer a few pesos this day, to honor masterful representations of the lineage that once carried generations of bloodlines in proud cultures lost to new ‘civilized’ nations.

Here in the reality lies the portent imagery of the destiny we so fear that we choose blinders with mirrors that would not only deny us of vision but also rob onlookers of spying upon our blindness. What we offer is the glossed impressionist versions of skyscraper grandeurs; the melting pot syndrome that has pre-defined the ‘desirables’ vs. the ‘deniables’ in boundaries beyond our right to choose. Somewhere within, we cheat ourselves of the challenges and joys of true global community and world sustainability; perhaps even, unwittingly, we drive to a luxury holiday in the giant Suburban truck made with the cheapened sweat of young hopefuls crammed into a cactus ridden desert plateau factory. These young hopefuls are bred to dream of their own giant truck one day, as they consume the Dairy Queen shake with their large fried chicken platter from KFC, while finishing with one of those Marlboro cigarettes we choose to ban from our ‘superior’ lives for reasons of ‘modern’ health.

It is amusing how easily we presume the graffiti on the walls of the barrio districts in cities like New York and Los Angeles are so non-sequitur to our existence. The plumage of the neo-culture we call so modern has invaded the very soul of the anticipatory youth in these foreign arenas. It is the re-emergence of the old ‘streets are paved with gold’ that has since converged with the swords of the conquistadors. The magazines, videos, MTV music and the internet, has created illusions of decadence that now permeates the fantasies of the innocent children that once danced with marionettes while dreaming only of their favorite ‘helados’ flavors. Now, they dance to the latest number one hit on VH-1 channel and emulate their favorite personas as they drink Coca-Cola, shop at Sam’s Club and buy every en vogue item necessary to keep up within the community.

In an interesting turn of events, I was gifted with happen chance as I met a wonderful son of an astronomer, himself a former pharmacy student turned anthropologist. His academia time-line was way-laid for economic reasons as much as for life events that interfere with the best of plans. Life is often such a series of twisted paths and turns. There are bridges and walls, tunnels and shortcuts. This time, he was presented to me in an appropriate world of the arts - led by the unseen guidance of spirit and passion.

By coincidence, I attended a dance rehearsal for a heartwarming Christmas dance show based on “The Little Matchgirl” (by Hans Christian Andersen). It was a large community cast, one in which this new acquaintance had recently been satisfyingly ensnared in, as the role of dancing Santa. This dance troupe had a small but lively presence in a large city in Mexico. He was concerned about his performance, as he was not a dancer, but rather, one who loved participation in life. Originally asked to video previous performances, they had a shortage of male dancers, so thus--- a new dancing Santa! I assured him (with my early years active in the arts and music,) that he needn’t worry about lack of technique; that true performance comes from the spirit and heart, not merely from training. He smiled.

As we continued to exchange the broken English and broken Spanish into hopeful communications – he explained he had never been to the states. He asked much—whether we lived like on television and in the movies, whether the things he heard were true. With some difficulty—I did manage to describe that though some of the stories might emulate life, the sad reality is that it seemed more we were too easily swayed by the imagery of the silver screen. The advertising was too much a seduction for our young to dissuade; theirs has become a ‘duty’ to be good citizens through purchasing their popularity and status. I tried to explain how easily our spirits and theirs, could be made ‘empty’ and wanton, as we were reminded too much of our inadequacies when we did not possess the luxury items early enough, and it was certainly never nearly enough. It was then, the conversation turned.

This particular mention initiated the focus that ensued, during which he spoke of his work and interest in anthropology. He is centered on the local history, of the Mesoamerica’s, and the legends. In my broken Spanish and his broken English—we were able to share a commonality of interest in the prophecies from the past – in this Age of Aquarius. Of course he knew of the Condor (representing the peaceful, feminine spiritual) and Eagle (representing the powerful/ forceful, male physical) in the Americas, the Eagle (link to the spiritual deity world) and Dragon (combination of life/ power/ mystical, also often suggested to be the ‘feathered serpent’) in China—and then he taught me something new.

He explained (from his studies) that there was a line from Chile to Monterrey, Mexico that partly followed the Amazon river, but also, was an extended energy line—one that is the serpentine line. The serpent represents wisdom, from the belly of the earth and Pachamama. The head seems to seat itself in Monterrey. This line is important somehow, as he believes the mystical prophets the local indigenous spoke of. He compared this line and the importance of the serpent to how the Egyptians spoke of the sphinx, and the comparatives of the timelines and astrological ages. He listened as I spoke of my thoughts on some prophecies from Mongolia— that his may also be signifying that the eagle and the serpent must make union for the ‘dragon to phoenix’ before human fate would realize responsibility and birth of a ‘new being’ for peace. He stated his sentiment as “exactamente”. He agreed that this may be similar to the ones that he is learning about, where the people speak of serpents and birds of all types, and the intertwining of such things, before the dawn of the ‘new era’.

We both agreed, all of this discussion, is ‘muy interesante’.

But now I question my being and my physical presence. I wonder where I am placed, where I am to be placed. The more I have delved into this alter world, the more I question how would I, so naïve in many customs of the world and so very inexperienced in worldly ways—how could I be one standing at a precipice point for any task in this era and time? All the visions and dreams suggesting mysteries and reincarnations from previous worlds could not possibly assure me the confidence required for this task at hand. The more things I learn and read now, the more I see how much I may have wasted years of opportunity. I cannot ‘knowingly’ from this time, assure those who might listen, of the need to ‘merge’ the serpent and the eagle or condor within themselves--- as it is the impregnation of the true soul to the physical being that is the key to awaken us to our responsibilities and ties to the source from which we have come. How symbolic it is in every way—as the sperm to the egg within the womb, the spark of physical life that rejuvenates and gives birth to the spiritual unseen. The very fact that mere energy strives to continue life with recycled bonds of ever-changing physical matter—the interwoven strands of invisible links as the quantum egg-like particles become fertilized by the very physical serpentine bonds that desire to form temporary structure. The beauty of this creation expounded into DNA and mitochondria of all living things is formally sealed by the beyond human communication of a deep unconditional love to give life to existence, and existence to life. How does one describe a possible truth that the unseen and the seen are in symbiotic relationship governed by a divine existence of universal consciousness beyond our lacking perception? So simple it seems in a distant memory of an innocence of being that perhaps I once was. Yet accustomed I have become, to accept before questioning, why we try so hard to deny such, that we would build vast religions and governed distractions to counter a realization such as this might be, as cherished and guarded for centuries.

How can I, as a lowly (physical) person of non-consequence, suddenly follow or describe this? All the times I have chosen to offer myself to be something greater for the universe – did not possibly prepare me, or any audience that might be mustered, to this primordial truth that could exist in, and outside of us.

I often question too, the sanity of this association. Is it possible that I am seeing truth, or perhaps, I am haunted by a fantasy of imagination? Am I caught in a precarious web of circumstance which might betray me at any moment? Where my heart lies is unknown, as it has hardened only to a good and peaceful strength to survive, one that will not require companionship, though desiring a type that cannot be found. It feels like a new test is upon me, one I cannot answer easily nor apprentice for; one that will deny me the security I have worked too hard to achieve. It is the cross-roads presented to me now, or perhaps again. Yet one that is not seeking to lay in silent denial.