insanity of relationships

In the quest of the romantic dreams bestowed upon our youth as ideologies, we often are contested with the challenges of ... reality.

Over the centuries, we demanded freedom of choice in finding partners. We rebelled from the oft historically popular ways of being matched by elders, by money-- or of course, women being traded with dowries as chattle pieces for politics, land or other wealth. Or the least desirable sons being matched with a fortuitous match guaranteeing some benefit in offspring. Or matches to guarantee certain genetic traits, whether it be for better, or worse...

It's funny how we as humans often fail to recognize the burden of receiving the gift we ask for. In many modernized societies, we do mostly have the ability to freely choose our partners. However, many of us seek partnership before we are ourselves actualized spiritually, and seek either the dependancy upon the other to gain self-confidence or assumed self-realization-- or worse, hide within the relationship and use the partner to define our own entire persona and inner self. In these days of chaos and such distractions of the fast paced, competitive world - we rarely are even given the moment to relish the time needed for our inner discovery and growth.

So how is it we can so easily proclaim to be committed and 'in-love' time and time again? I've known so many to have multiple partners or lovers or 'relationships'-- swearing upon each as their 'true love'. I've even been told to deliberately 'be with' or date many to 'discover myself'. I argue with those who told me these things as not necessarily everyone's path---

That is to say- I don't believe such relationships exist or are necessary to be part of my inner fulfillment. I am not discounting the need for physical interaction and sexual needs. However, I do not believe multiple 'relationships' are required to define my spiritual self or my persona. In fact, most relationships seem to have hindered or interfered with my path of self-discovery -- or drained me of my energy to seek such on my own.

The distractions of relationships formed by non-actualized partners become dramatic. Communications are weak, insecurities are deep and cutting, and what 'could have been' becomes a test of willfulness between both parties.

The good news is that many do eventually find their way to a meaningful partnership in which they add to their personal growth but maintain their individual personas and spiritual natures.

But during the meantime, I just think how much less family law attorneys would earn and how much less heartache there could be if---- we had the guidance when younger to be shown a stronger path of individualized self-discovery rather than the distractions of societal mayhem.

fear and the security to be individual...

We as humans are bound by the pressures to be part of a pack, institution, group, label, social class, country. Many millenia ago it was something ingrained upon us as we (as fragile and primal creatures) fought against the perils of nature by joining packs. We would submit our weaker physical selves and wills into the dominion of the alphas that would make us feel secure. Our chances of survival would increase, as the odds of hunt, winning at war, warmth against the cold would be in more favor. If the perils of nature were too much, our children- might still survive raised by another - granting us another sense of security.

Over differing centuries, as the landscape of the world grew more familiar- we evolved, created, tested, designed and fortified materials, armaments, clothing, foods, shelter, traveling means --- to shrink our fears of being outside of a protective 'pack'.

Yet the fright or flight syndrome grows even in this modern world. Sometimes, by downturns of the economy, threats to loved ones, pressures placed upon us by bosses or corporations or politics and policies--- sometimes, just by propoganda and a mere suggestion by media. ("War of the Worlds", radio broadcast).

Do we need to fear? Do we want to fear? Is fear a constant requirement for our creativities and empathetic ability? Does fear make us learn? Does fear make us evolve?

Do we need to destroy or control to create fear?

Can we evolve beyond this primitive response trait?

walking in a dual path

The first thing to question is, are we spiritual humans in physical form, or spirits temporarily captured in human physical form?

The next thing to ask is, do we recognize the spiritual self may not be a singular individual entity? That it actually may be connected to the greater universe?

If the above is accepted and known-- and exercised -- it could be possible to tap into something much more than this world of houses, cars, bills, society, work and technology. But it seems it can be also a burden, as so many of the great spiritual leaders lived outside of the norms of their society, answering to a different call. Our physical life, our societal demands, have besieged us with thoughts of expectations of the material kind. However, if we are destined to be spiritual messengers on a physical mission, how can the material values be of benefit when we are returned to the spiritual mission? What might the actual physical missions be?

I often wonder this as I explore the multiple, repetitious history of mankind. We seem to have evolved physically to an extent, yet, spiritually, we doom ourselves to the same cycle of egoism, power wagers, material hoarding and continue to live with a behavioral attitude based on fear of scarcity (of food, of water, of warmth, of comparison, of companionship, of shelter, etc.) Why do we choose to forget the mistakes of our physical ancestors and defy the thought that life is a continuum of cyclical evolution of energy? What if in the idea of reincarnation, we are 'spiritual students' who are to repeat each cycle of life until becoming a complete 'senescent adult'? If so, how many cycles would it take for those of us who exist with our behavior in this world?

They say we cannot carry the material world with us, as much as the remains of the pyramids of the Egyptian Pharoahs have shown us. Those things made of matter remain in forms of matter. Our spirit might be considered a form of 'anti-matter' (though some sciences have suggested there might be a measureable 'quantifying' value of matter to the 'soul'). Even the children and the children's children will one day succumb to the impermanence of life and only carry the wonderful memories and experiences to the 'non-form' world of the spirit. What is it then that we should represent? Why is it that we exhaust so much in worry on hoarding values of the physical world?

how can global peace be found outside without knowing peace inside?

Where has compassion and congeniality gone? Where is the truth of peaceable solutions and resolve? Where is there a moment of peace without a political or corporatized under current? When is 'enough' realized?
The modern “western” world of mass production, rapid transit and instantaneous services has brought about an air of convenience and personal convictions of desire. Dreams are made to not be broken, but to be made and outdone. Rewards are materialistic and spontaneity has become a norm. Conversation is restricted to the ‘new’ shortened language (as seemingly predicted by Orwell) in the form of SMS, email and informal slang--- of which, actual translation and interpretation of the person, becomes lost to overwhelming pushes of spam that divide our attention. Our sights become shorter in distance and the essence of origin and humility is forgotten to endless consumption without grace or gratefulness. All these ‘neo-philosophical commandments’, not for humanity or inner growth but rather, justified by the idea that we must forge human survival on profit and business.
In the midst of the ‘new order’, the medical annals continue to study the population’s increasingly disturbed symptoms in reaction to stress. It has been compared to ‘fright or flight’ syndrome. So many personal acquaintances are often speaking of how they ‘wish to get away’, ‘wish for another life’, ‘wish to be at another job’, ‘wish to be with someone else’, ‘wish to be someone else’. These are not necessarily ‘dreams’ to be fulfilled, but statements made as ordinary conversation. These are not wanton and needy persons, but rather, successful, well-to-do, competitive and ambitious people who state they love challenges and growth. They say they are grateful for their fortunate circumstances. Yet, they continue to feel amiss.
It is here I cannot help but wonder--- what is the state of their inner being they have not yet recognized the essence of the challenges, yet fortuitous karma they have been given? Perhaps in another life they suffered, endured and have been rewarded this time. Yet, in this ‘reward’, all the suffering forgotten, they long for more. They have been taught to run and move away from bad roommates in college, to separate from materially non-fulfilling relationships, to switch positions or companies from ‘bad boss syndromes’. Nothing is good enough, nothing is satisfying enough. Once is not enough. Life is not enough. Conversation is a ‘lost art’ and reality television or glamour gossip has replaced life with global conviction.
How fortunate we are, to afford to move or separate so easily? Some have become financially so ‘successful’ that they can buy their future away from negative fate itself. If they must face any discourse or anxiety, they need not face the challenge of truly communicating to find peace, but rather, can purchase ‘masker’ prescriptions or simply, ‘find another place to live’. Yet, unlike centuries past, we are able to move thousands of miles in a day with a little preparation, or, for the affluent, immediately if assistance is purchased. It seems some have become quite adept at ‘flight’ and live a constant state of ‘fright’ of conflict, ‘ugliness’, disagreeable terms or situations not to one’s pleasure.
Yet after the ‘flight’, the conflict does not seem to end. Instead, there is a continuous air of inner ‘non-security’, the fright. “Talk is cheap” is the mantra and conversation remains shallow at best.
I cannot but beg to ask, how is it the world has been ‘trained’ to emulate the neo-modern ‘western’ culture of spoils, in the quest of global peace? There is nothing wrong with seeking successes over ambition, but what of the inner balance that must so often be cast aside for the chance to seek glory in a material world. But what of those that do not remember their way to the inner world? Why has it become necessary to know the things of the 'convenience society' or of the 'rich and famous' to find self-worth?
How can peace be found or realized in such state?

human spiritual evolution

In the course of human events, the Maya describe how the 'world' as we know it has been destroyed in several civilizations and we are about to embark on yet another destruction. More accurately, human generated self-destruction. We may blame it on a lexicon of events-- as though we enter the nexuses and cannot continue. Perhaps there is another thought to consider. It seems humanity itself, like children wide-eyed by their first sense of control over a toy or mastering the first sand castle, enjoys the thrills of power and envelopment of existence to their command. The sheer joy and pleasure of the physical begs us to turn away from a universal consciousness that drives our inner spirits-- the spiritual world. We are so concerned with advancements of the physical world through technology, education (as we define it), finances, expansion-- that it seems the very balance of the physical and spiritual is condemned by most of the 'developed civilizations'.

I question then, what have we learned from history of previous great 'civilizations'? Many were formidably advanced for their times. We have yet to explain the mysteries of how pyramids and strange devices were built in Egypt. But each society ended as it found itself in a moment of emptiness of spirit as chaos lay before them. To me, it seems each society had evolved their physical and material ends but never quite found way to evolve their spiritual balances.

I suppose I wonder if that is the same status now? The precipices of the positive values of all the religions around the world (including those that I may not be fond of, considered modern 'cults') -- are always founded on principles of good. Along the way though, the physical values for material culture seemed to have crept in, as a hierarchy develops in each religion, requiring a power struggle and structure. It seems humanity cannot function without a contrived structure and a human derived, human judged system of values. We seem to fear not being able to place a judgement value on all things and persons more than fearing the chaos that we think will occur if we do not have this. Yet all of these labels were historically set into place as power plays by other humans.

What if, to save humanity, it is these very values and historically predetermined, unevolved spiritual values that are the things that deny us the peaceful unity we seek? What if we were able to teach each other ways to connect to the universal consciousness that we would find the confidence to know we are fulfilling the destiny we were born to follow? What if to do so, means to deny the value systems in place by the currently large organized and accepted 'religions' of the world?

This is in no way to negate their functions. Again, the precipices were founded on positive principles. But perhaps these have become tainted by the powerplays of humans along the way. Perhaps, it is time to allow a spiritual evolution that questions rules set by humans not free of their child-self 'ids'.

In a spiritual evolution, there must be consideration that we are all from the source of the same universal consciousness, we are all potentially constructed of molecules from the original 'Big Bang' and that we all potentially may contain a 'spark' of an atomic energy from the original source, that Christians may call God and the Holy Spirit. That would logically mean we could all tap into a 'God soul'-- a connected, perfect soul--- that would guide us to our purpose.

It is a fearful thing to trust and allow this. It could mean that centuries of human faith may be proven shallow and immaterial to the sense of universal flow. It may mean those in the upper eschelon of societies are actually the most lost, misdirected and impassionate. It could strike a blow in each of us if we find all of our beloved comfort levels of acceptability, terms of behavior, laws and assumed values of right and wrong--- no longer matter.

But what if? What if this is the path to enlightenment? To discard all the things the physical has taught us, to find the unity of the spirit and the body by accepting a higher sense of order that is beyond our capacity to see and describe in human form?

What are we in the scheme of things?

Many times were spent under a tree or walking alone in a mountain forest pondering what might be the total essence of the 'whole person'. Sure, each are born, raised, taught, influenced, guided, grown and set on a path to propagate the cycle. Every 'living' creature (or plant) is given that task. Yet, what else? What more? Somehow, there is this interconnectedness that mates each of our existences into the universe, as bound by a duty on this planet surviving in it's biosphere by an underlying symbiosis of life. Surely, there must be more?

Here in lies my personal quest. Countless hours, lost moments spent on the visions from deep dreams of another time at night, while thoughts sent from an unknown would permeate conscious meditation. In between, the doldrums of school, life activities, work, relationships would suffice to fill the time when the mind needed respite from the altered connection to the unknown that could not be described.

I suppose by some standards, there are those who would laughingly call this a form of insanity or perhaps a drug induced psychosis, especially 30 to 40 years ago. Perhaps, as I was certainly in a non-standard, abusive household with more than its share of difficulties. Yet, I fulfilled all of life's little physical 'tasks' as the 'perfect child' for years, labeled as gifted in music, in arts, in scholastics and aptitude, athletic, creative, accomplished. I performed over two dozen instruments, sang, won ribbons in science fairs, skipped grades and scored highly on tests. And learned to cut and perm hair, alter clothing, make costumes, and even cook fancy meals, bake and decorate cakes along the way. And I rebeled lightly in the teen years during college, then continued on my own life path soon after graduation. Of course I made a lot of mistakes along the way and made choices that many would question, but I could only make the choices that seem right for me to follow after a while. Physical life becomes just that eventually, for everyone I suppose. Considering all of the events, actually, the standards of pressures placed on today's children, I would be quite ordinary. And as ordinary, I did not stand out too much, or become famous (or 'infamous' for that matter), or known as more than 'ordinary'.

Oddly enough, I did find it strange that many things came easily to me. I would 'hear' music and compose. It was as though an unseen guide would tell me how to solve many problems. Not everything was perfectly easy, of course, but it was like there was something there to move my thoughts, my hands and energy into place when it was needed. I've heard some others speak or write about that, but these are the things that are not quite explicable in this world.

It begs again the question, what is this unseen, unknown connection? Why was it here to assist me, or was I 'gifted' with a connection to it? The 'unknown' guide was like a grand consciousness that would sometimes give me hints along the way. For example, I had a horrible vision of a bridge collapsing due to an earthquake. Thirty days later, there was the same bridge from the earthquake in California in the late eighties. Sometimes, I'd feel the need to phone or visit someone and that person was indeed needy, or at a time of passing. Another time, I painted an outlandish modern styled painting. It was painted in the late eighties. Eerily, it had the picture of an airplane flying into two towers in a setting that seemed like NYC, but the ground below became a sink hole and the earth was swallowing masses of material pleasures with it. Even I'd forgotten the subject matter until after...

There are many records of people around the world with small coincidences (or larger ones), or psychics and the search for the connection to the unknown, God, Allah, Buddha, enlightenment, nirvana, the afterlife---- There are many people more sensitive and unable to function in this physical world. There are those who deliberately choose to ignore the unknown. However so, we are all interlinked in an amazing discovery life pattern that weaves all of our energies into a complex larger unit of life. Some can visualize this during meditation. Indigenous and mystics have called this a series of light tunnels, connections or web--- each linking every unit of life together into a synchronized universe for better or worse. Death and life, negative and positive, balance within this form to continue the momentum of life.

It seems then there is a universal consciousness, as some would say that would direct such. In this vast measure of things, we can only imagine the microcosm of a unit that each of us are. Yet, how vital, as if all of those connections would be suddenly interrupted, if we were to 'disconnect' from the giant web of energy bonds.

So again, in this perspective, what are we in the scheme of things? To which I can only assume-
to each his/her own destiny; to each, his/her own discovery.

a true center 'of and from' gravity

When there was a time with too much unknowns, human placed a grand amount of trust into a world deemed mysterious and ruled by supernatural beings that influenced our very core of existence.

In our current world, with so much 'explained' through science, we often wonder if there is even a mystery left to be had. Yet, there is a fundamental basis of core religions subscribed to by most of the advanced and civilized cultures of the world. The sense of oneness that increasingly develops from the studies of the differences of the religions, is that there is a core need for a sense of universal knowing, a universal security and a bonding force with the last of the mysteries, and a human need to feel a belonging in a world that does not see clear to explain our purpose and destiny. It is not for the need to find the ethical divide, nor is it the need to claim a singularity of force, or to satisfy our need to justify our actions.

In the ensuing confusion, some choose to not believe in a universal force or deity. Others choose to not believe until it is proven to them. There can be even more, who choose there is a non-existence for "such silly notions". And then, there are the ones who believe, who impose and who uphold their deity as the supreme sole being and themselves as the carriers of justice. Thus, politics and egocentric opinions enter the ring of spiritual argument and sway pendulums continually in directions skewing each of us away from our center of gravity, claiming we've evolved from our primal cores. This is where it becomes confusing-- as I seem to recall everyone from teachers to clergy telling me balance with an axis of center of gravity is necessary for our sanity.

Once, someone told me our intuition is never confused, so if our instincts and emotions feel confused, it is a sign of a negative force removing us from our true self-nature. So confusion is also a sign and a gateway-- for us to being our seeking, to claim our place and earn our self-awareness. Our curiosity and our seeking, and our creativity-- is what defines our differentiation from our primal core. We can choose to evolve from our primal selves, through spiritual, mental and physical evolution. It is our destiny to merge our universal spiritual link to the raw primal physical one within our most conscious selves - which insinuates a "balance". So how can I assume I am fulfilling my own evolutionary destiny if my vision becomes skewed? How do I remain on my own paths?

It is then I choose to block away the reality as I know it, entering the mystifying world deep in my psyche that sleeps. I deny not all the gifts of learning and experiencing all of the beautiful religions and cultures around the world-- the glory of Christ, the beauty of Allah and the peacefulness of Buddha, and more. I accept all of these things, I embrace them. I walk into them. I move to the world before their existence. I face my primal core-- the animal nature we all have inside. I choose to feel the state of being before there was judgement, with the rawness and purity of knowing only life and existence, the cycles of birth and death, regeneration and destruction. A peaceful swaying of rhythmic cycle, like the ocean tide rising and receding --- like the supernovas that stretch and retract in phases---- like a slow and smooth, gentle heartbeat. It's a state of knowing a permanence and a powerful connectivity that exists with no sense of denial or possessions and no knowing of existence or non-existence. It is a place where self-love of all that we are, the harsh primal core that can be angry, fearful, naive, loving, joyful, glorious and innocent all at once--- animal-like or pure and angelic-- it is the piece of the universal spirit that lives within us---

it is sometimes called our "God" center-- the one Buddha, Allah, Jesus (Christ), perhaps found---

in their own balance--

by loving and accepting their responsibility to their total self--- without any denials or regrets, within their center of gravity, merged with their central self away from physical gravity, but also merged with all of existence, all at once.

what a peaceful place it is, and what a synchronized symbiosis it would be--- if...

being grateful

A surprise box of gifts awaited me today at a post office box. In it were special treasures with special histories and applied meanings, each bearing a flow of pure heartfelt energy. In disbelief and speechless shock, I carefully open and feel each one with such a deep gratefulness and awe, I am uncertain as to how to express this in return. The extreme care of each ribbon and package was as evident as the detailed compositions on various stationary.

It was not the gifts themselves that touched me most. It was the amazing dedication and loving care, the preparation, the thought. The beauty of the energy could be felt, seen, smelled, touched --- making each opening a savored moment to treasure in an everlasting unique memory. These fond minutes become imprinted as genuine human relations that only humans have the capability of giving, sharing and experiencing with each other. It is the sum of these moments that give us a reality check from the ‘wired and wireless’ world of internet, television, mobile phones, GPS, LANs, satellite radios, etc. It is these moments that remind us to continue to have faith and trust in each other and in humanity.

This truth is one to be nurtured. It is our duty and our right --- our inheritance in order to preserve our future. We are not so far removed from our inner selves and the recent human pasts to have forgotten what we can truly offer, and how we can touch each other. It is not too late to remember how to behave like an individual positive, creative and loving human, no matter the robotic and personal assistants hired, for only then can we communicate and learn about our true nature. Some may even find their souls again---
And learn just how connected to the universe we always can choose to be if we listen...

If only one by one at a time--- if only each person chooses to continue to create these moments…. maybe the overflow of gratefulness with open heart just might bridge gaps and heal wounds with new bonds across the barriers of negative suspicions and reactions. If only, we would return to the humanity we could, should be, celebrating and embracing, rather than worry about the material values and lack of time. If only we had the courage to be in this place all the time, instead of part of the time. If only---

fear is an attack to the soul

In the light of the economic crisis--- there is this trickle down effect of behavior that endangers us all even more so than any material possession lost or monetary loss. As those in the hierarchy of corporate greed often contemplate the thoughts of scarcity (note, this is hardly a true fear in most cases)--- their attentions turn to outward signs of child-like tantrums that lash out in most unwanted and abrasive actions and speech. When they manage businesses and corporations, behind closed doors are the sheepish attendants frightened of sudden reactions.

The bigger problem, this untrusting exchange becomes not only the symptom of fear, but spawns ever spreading reactive behavior as others emulate the 'boss'. The negative cycle can grow into a feeding frenzy that continues and those of us in productive cycles often become lacking in desire to fulfill a day's journey. We feel beaten and unacknowledged, unappreciated and unwanted. We are made to feel less than human. Our soul is attacked... and we lose our peace.

Harmony and meaningful peace is found when trust and humanity are rightfully honored, as well as earned. Scarcity is a thought felt only when we lack trust in ourselves to trust others and the universe. Our disconnect from nature makes us think we do not require blessing from the universe to survive-- but we never seem to realize money and material things are not going to keep us warm in a blizzard that cuts off power, or keep us alive in the middle of a tornado or earthquake. The power of nature and universe is far more vast than our human perception will ever know--- so how can we assume ourselves superior enough to have power over another human, let alone be more secure against nature with wealth?

Sometimes, we need to consider humanity is more important than economic possessions, and trust to be a required foundation to lead and to live. Look beyond our reality --- and then we can find truth in our future.

sometimes I don't understand being human

Humanity is a beautiful trait with many ups and downs, laughter, surprises and smiles-- but also then there is this uncontrollable scream and depth of impatience that might be read as fear. This is what I don't understand!

There are days of calming peaceful motions, in successive moments from one path to another. Achievements and new goals that make up a fulfilling day, ending to rest upon an idyllic down pillow so the subconscious might connect and dream. And then to feel the positive flow of glimpses into a perfect symmetry that promises synchronicity to a universal channel that is my soul's personal two-way radio to a divinity so omni-potent and glorious, we cannot but know the universe simply "loves".

Then-- there are the other days; I don't understand when the static grows and I am lost in a disconnect, cut off from the vibrations that would normally guide me. Is this the test? Am I cut off to become challenged for my own instincts? Is it a chain of events that questions our deserving nature?

I am about to enter another decade of life -- another milestone that is often looked upon as declining moments of desirability in the eyes of an opposite attraction. Yet it is I wondering if I have earned the wisdom to be considered in depreciable physical form. My mind wanders the tunnels of the dreams of a number long gone-- a youth wasted as an inferior subjugated to the social and political foundation of the 'adults' before me. Then the fear and anger washes over and I realize myself no better than those same humans I might find disdain for at times-- --

those same persons that founded the confusion and chaos I struggle to survive in, with the same trails of loneliness that would divide us from peaceable humanity. And I am disconnected from the beauty that would be the definition of ultimate love in the universe.

And then once again, sometimes-- I don't understand being human.

events and choice

Sometimes reason doesn't hold to logic and the events that take place fall off the tracks or even the trains originally boarded. But if everything were in straight smooth tracks and clear weather, there wouldn't be calls for challenges or need for innovations. They said necessity is the mother of inventions in the world of science and machines. Perhaps life tragedies and disasters are reminders for us to remain humble, and to keep balanced with the spiritual things we spend most of our lives denying. Messages come in all types of signs, to keep reminding us that being human is a duality of frailty and strength, life and death, positive and negative. The beauty lies in the merger and the choices we make, and with how much awareness we choose to live the life we are gifted with.

something is missing in humanity...

Have you ever felt like an alien in your own group? An interesting conversation about the perception of the idea 'us and them' began this morning. It started quite simply in morning conversation, but expanded rapidly into a realization of how very much each person identifies with a degree of isolation and separation in some way. It's odd how we choose the idea of segregation because of inner issues within ourselves and the idea of 'closing off' our secrets. Many times, we excuse this isolation with either the idea that because we are 'superiorly different' or because of the secret that we are scared and ashamed of letting something out about ourselves. In any case, this divide creates more suspicions and lack of communication, doesn't it? Then, in many cases, once communications start-- we find out there is not that much for us to hide from others after all. Very strange how we tend to think about ourselves. We sometimes seem to forget our uniqueness is linked by our humanness.

how do we carry our mental baggage?

It’s so funny how we entertain the notion that once becoming an ‘adult’, we are mentally equipped to make logical decisions and choices based on experiences and maturity. Sometimes, we forget we are just children in grown up bodies.

You see, it’s a funny balance between dreaming our future and being in our reality. The truth finds itself in a scheming balance shifting between the struggles of staying in a comfort zone of our childhood memories while struggling to evolve into the revolution of the future we dreamt of becoming. Then somewhere in all of that, the constant vortex of our perception of events in time, robs our memories and dwindles down achievements into ‘passing phases’, or in the worst cases, explodes and expands our most embarrassing and worst failures into a catastrophic occasion that blinds us to the next creative moment. Assuming, that is, if we are strong enough to maintain memories of those events at all, as sadly some recall nothing by choice or, from trauma.

You see, whether our lives are scripted by destiny or not, we each, uniquely endure a series of specific experiences along our paths that serve as markers to shape and define our future selves. Sometimes, these ‘tests’ are easy, sometimes not. Regardless, our reaction to those events, ultimately are choices specific to being truly our own. Even when forced into a physically brutal or harmful situation, how we ‘choose’ to survive or die in that situation is our own. We can choose to live or die in perpetual trauma, or within our own peace. It seems out of our control, but ultimately, we answer to only our own body, mind and soul--- at the very moment, whether we give ourselves up to the universe or not.

Using a simpler example, I found myself contemplating how I tend to categorize new people I meet on first impressions based on my ‘lifetime experiences’. Someone who speaks with particularly good vocal control, reminds me of singers, so I will want to ask them if they are musically inclined. Someone who exudes less confidence in the eyes tends to remind me of shy children, so I tend to wonder how evolved they are. (Note—I am very, very cautious to not be blatant in my ‘examining’ – but let’s face it—WE ALL DO THIS consciously or not. You know—“sizing someone up”) ----

Is this behavior wrong? Not entirely--- as it is a primordial, underlying instinct within us, for socialization and for self-protective reasons. We are human—we DO mentally compartmentalize and categorize people, places and things around us--- we DO also categorize behaviors and habits. (Otherwise, we would not have an entire field of statistics and would not be trying to constantly force children to behave within a ‘statistical norm’ and also, perhaps we wouldn’t be trying to force falsified stock values all the time!) However, HOW we CHOOSE to react upon initial assessment--- could imply an outcome we didn’t expect.

How we react depends on the amount of mental baggage carried. Negative memories create walls and blocks that may deny us new experiences. Too many positive pastimes might create an open and free quality that offers our unsuspecting selves up to potential dangerous encounters.

Mental baggage can be positive or negative --- it can teach us or stifle us. It can stop us from respecting ourselves, which then creates a conflict within--- that is then imparted onto others. Like children, we can unknowingly bark at a stranger when we are feeling badly about ourselves. (Has anyone ever screamed at an anonymous and persistent telemarketer who unwittingly calls at the moment of a catastrophe?) Many also tend to have a negative habit of assuming their shortcomings can be blamed on someone else or saved by someone else. How many companies teach us to ‘find someone to blame’? How many times did children have their mother and father coming to save them? How many people count on faith alone, with no self-effort (‘winning the lottery’?)

Point is, when we self-evaluate incorrectly and decide to not learn from our experiences and then do not look within ourselves for the balancing message, we are testing our own self-confidence. Comparing ourselves to the outside, to other people and their ‘similar experiences’ – leaves us open to subconsciously react outwardly to assume repeat experiences can occur through the influences of other people. It is not up to ‘them’ to feed our confidence, nor is it up to them to fix our inner problems. It is not up to ‘them’
to give us solutions to what we might perceive as our failures. It is not up to ‘them’ to help us stop judging ourselves.

Maybe realistically—
we need to dream a possible future that won’t get lost in our realities and to actuate the reality of the dream by responsible work from within ourselves first. We need to unload some of the mental baggage and carry only that we can haul on long journeys in order to make room for positive interactions within this world. We do not need to force ourselves to carry the wounds and guilt forever—they were teaching tools. Any accolades and jubilations that swell our heads into a fixed state without momentum, is also something unnecessary. We need to understand moments are transitory, passing phases in our lives to guide us into the new evolution. And each of us, has our own to be nurtured, respected, and honored, so we can do the same with those of others.

Without these self-affirmations, we may never find peace, as our lives remain unfulfilled in search of things that cannot be seen or bought or forced.

So how do you carry your mental baggage?

"we do not inherit the land from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children"

This quote appears in a calendar sponsored by the National Wildlife Federation this month. It is a Native American Proverb. How intensely this conveys the wisdom of people who chose to live in harmony with the majesty of their environment, instead of aggressively digging tunnels and hoarding the things that would bring us momentary pleasure. If truly we were to borrow things of the earth from our children, I wonder how we might create the oil, natural gas and water that we have drilled and used. I wonder if there will be the delicate balance of gases in the atmosphere so they may breathe. I wonder if they will see the flowers bloom every spring and the magic of tasting the first freshly hand-picked fruits at harvest on an orchard.

Maybe it's time to engage the act of sharing and return, instead of borrow. As we borrow our own times here on earth, we must acknowledge our footprints write the pages to our legacies as our actions carve the roads to tomorrow.

trained without being trained

Today is the day to return to the normalcy which consumes us into daily routine. Yet, somehow, there is the preponderance of a suggestion, a new growth and language or theory that comes to speak of the new world to come. Where I belong in this communicative link, is an extraordinary question which cannot be determined through an ordinary reality or life.

I have come to understand the presence of this society and of nature itself, to be built upon the necessity of a slight degree of instability, always striving to achieve balance. A physicist I know, who is strongly rooted in Newtonian theory, determines our existence is merely temporary, to be destroyed and restarted within a ‘rubber band-like’ cycle. Therefore, if we destroy ourselves ‘properly’, the universe would capsize unto itself and achieve a moment of static foundation where it finds a transient millisecond of true balance, only to rebound and restart the cycle of expansion again. In his mind, annihilation, if done for scientific purpose, is absolute, probably necessary and definitely a plausible expected outcome. Therefore, though he might live a conservationists lifestyle by most definitions, he thinks to inquire, study, use and if ‘accidentally’ destroyed to beyond useful purpose, the universe will simply right itself due to a law of rebounding. He also has no belief in an actual universal consciousness, and remarks humans to be singular individual entities on only a path of curiosity and discovery. In that light, we are not to be keepers and maintain balance, but rather, we are here to learn by dissemination before creating restructure—as we must become master of knowledge before keeper of our world.

How odd this sounds to me, as his life ultimately had to be saved by achieving a self-balance state. In his belief structure, he is without regard for a possibility of an ‘after-life’ – though he does acknowledge that energy and atoms are ‘recycled’ to a new purpose throughout all universes. Therefore, death is a total cease to exist of himself, while he is here to experience all he can. So he challenged death to come to him when he lost balance in his life, he challenged death to take him, when his fear of death no longer exceeded his will to experience life, he almost died.

He sought balance through wishing death. How sad it was as he lay in medical need. A brilliant mind and talent, he was wasting away within a belief structure that could not be proven or denied, willfully deciding on a fate that was not his to make at the time.

I wonder about the analogy of this and today’s times. There has been the “X” generation, a ‘me’, a ‘Y’, a ‘hippie’, a ‘yippie’ and ‘yuppies’ that have come and gone. They were trained in the ways of self-glorification through adornment of brand labels that glittered and cast imageries of Hollywood starlets, regardless of their original values. we became the trained walking billboards for the majority corporations and labels--- we became, part of the advertising model for wielding brand power, while not part of the corporate team. Worse still, we replaced quality and ethical technologies with labels that represented mass production gimmicks. it became the conundrum that shaped our latch key children for the last three decades.

In this model, we chose to become imbalanced by placing values on an altered identity, rather than seek our true selves. How perfect—for the profit raiders. Blindness is the greatest weakness humanity can offer to become vulnerable. As with the physicist who chooses to challenge universal consciousness and defy death, this self-inflicted blindness creates the model for the new ideal that proposes denial of intuitive faith by way of theories and things justifiable, rather than allow for the supposition of the impossible. In this manner, we easily trade truths for proposals and speculations. We become the grey area, the socialized model of mediocrity – the expected ‘sheep’ for the lackluster shepherds led by greed rather than by necessity and invention. We expect another to be blamed, and responsibilities to be shed and cast away beyond our duty.

We have been trained well, without being trained.

the 'art' or 'argument' in perception, as physics meets philosophy

I’ve become friends with a physicist. His mind is brilliant beyond ordinary reason, and his accomplishments are extraordinary, in athletics, special government awards, scholastics and in multiple specialized fields from mechanics through to nuclear sciences. He understands and teaches advanced wave theory and calculates algorithms for assessing all probable cause and effect relationships in acoustical and nuclear physics, as well as aerospacial movement of objects or particles and design of such models. He's lived well and nearly died multiple times, on the cusp of taunting his own gift of existence.

Surprisingly, doesn’t believe in an existence of a divine, nor does he believe infinity is truly possible --- he believes all things are finite, otherwise, he is unable to calculate or prove it’s relative existence. His truth and beauty only lies in the proof of the equation and absolutes, including predictable control of the outcomes, eventually mastering the control.

OUCH. That threw me for a loop.

My perspective (from shamanic thoughts influences) is in the inter-relationship of all matter and ‘anti-matter’ as a symbiosis (in equilibrium status) to perpetuate existence in kinetic energy state equals life. That is, through hierarchy of energy states that exist as in the examples of atomic structure, this ‘hidden’ desire of existence (of a divine nature) requires evolutionary state and transformation which creates and ascertains that infinity then is possible (and required) due to the fact that the unseen dimensional universe is evolving as much as in the examples of our physical evolutions, and that, our world’s evolutionary status is a foundational energy exchange that ‘feeds’ the grander hierarchy of the universe itself--- so the divine is within and without us, at all times, in a symbiotic exchange….. BUT that we, in our limited physical capabilities to perceive this in physical sensory form--- are us unable to comprehend the inter-dependant relationship of true string theory (which is flawed for its linear propositions) or ‘butterfly effects’ – which is why Occams Razor was postulated into quantum theory in the first place…

That threw him for a loop.

We are at an “argumentative’ impasse due to opposing points of perception. I consider this a gift--- as each one of us has the unique ability to gift the universe with our personal experience. He sees beauty in life like we all do, but he chooses to see death as a finite that is separate from life and an ultimate end. I choose to see death as a transformation that is a necessary existence for the cycle of life, continuity, of sorts.

He seems to appreciate the ‘gift’ of opposing views as well. But damned if I didn’t have to “artfully” earn the position of respect for my point of view in the argument. However, he is learning that empathetic communication is the key for non-escalating and non- isolating interpersonal skills.

What a beautiful world it could be if we would choose to understand and learn empathetic communications tempered with acceptance, respect, knowledge, and the search for truth.

Btw--- LOL--- he is learning this because he accepted that I ‘won’ one point---- if applying the assumption that infinity in dimensional theory were true because of our inability to perceive beyond our human physical structure--- then one has to assume that every possible outcome of right or wrong in truth has to all be true because mathematically, in an infinite universe, all outcomes eventually equate to the value of true. Therefore, there is no plausible reason to create a biased argument in the first place because everyone’s opinions or perceptions must be assumed as someone’s truth. Double up the LOL, considering that I was taking the position of NOT trying to win any sides, just sharing personal perspective.



NOVEMBER 8, 2008