insanity of relationships

In the quest of the romantic dreams bestowed upon our youth as ideologies, we often are contested with the challenges of ... reality.

Over the centuries, we demanded freedom of choice in finding partners. We rebelled from the oft historically popular ways of being matched by elders, by money-- or of course, women being traded with dowries as chattle pieces for politics, land or other wealth. Or the least desirable sons being matched with a fortuitous match guaranteeing some benefit in offspring. Or matches to guarantee certain genetic traits, whether it be for better, or worse...

It's funny how we as humans often fail to recognize the burden of receiving the gift we ask for. In many modernized societies, we do mostly have the ability to freely choose our partners. However, many of us seek partnership before we are ourselves actualized spiritually, and seek either the dependancy upon the other to gain self-confidence or assumed self-realization-- or worse, hide within the relationship and use the partner to define our own entire persona and inner self. In these days of chaos and such distractions of the fast paced, competitive world - we rarely are even given the moment to relish the time needed for our inner discovery and growth.

So how is it we can so easily proclaim to be committed and 'in-love' time and time again? I've known so many to have multiple partners or lovers or 'relationships'-- swearing upon each as their 'true love'. I've even been told to deliberately 'be with' or date many to 'discover myself'. I argue with those who told me these things as not necessarily everyone's path---

That is to say- I don't believe such relationships exist or are necessary to be part of my inner fulfillment. I am not discounting the need for physical interaction and sexual needs. However, I do not believe multiple 'relationships' are required to define my spiritual self or my persona. In fact, most relationships seem to have hindered or interfered with my path of self-discovery -- or drained me of my energy to seek such on my own.

The distractions of relationships formed by non-actualized partners become dramatic. Communications are weak, insecurities are deep and cutting, and what 'could have been' becomes a test of willfulness between both parties.

The good news is that many do eventually find their way to a meaningful partnership in which they add to their personal growth but maintain their individual personas and spiritual natures.

But during the meantime, I just think how much less family law attorneys would earn and how much less heartache there could be if---- we had the guidance when younger to be shown a stronger path of individualized self-discovery rather than the distractions of societal mayhem.

have we become mediocre?

In the movie Amadeus, there were many references made by a smug Mozart discarding the many he considered as part of 'mediocrity', including the character of Salieri and Salieri's music. Yet, Mozart had the gift of genius to hear and see beyond the ordinary doldrums of life--- to mentally (and perhaps soulfully) exist from a tangent of higher dimension.

Or, perhaps it was because Mozart had been given proper training, practiced and allowed no one to deny what he could hear and compose?

The key is- he was given adequate formal training but also had self-interest enough in music to pursue beyond his given knowledge without adding interference from peer pressure mainstream such as the church and royal houses would do, and also, from other musicians and artists of his time. And, in his time, the Internet did not exist.

When the Internet started- it was a wonderful tool of free knowledge and advanced communications once protected by those in intellectual circles with money to do so. Well- it was rather complicated to turn computers on and route to the world wide web in those days. So generally speaking, the respect for the privilege of this 'secret society' interaction tended to filter junk information, marketing, advertising --- completely from within the circles.

Ah-- but then, the thought of a possible computer anarchy and global non-bourgeoisie commoners with great intellect potentially having deeper conversations apart from corporate or political control must have been a feared topic--- because suddenly the new idea was to corporatize the 'world wide web' into the ultimate new highway of communications--- to make it accessible to everyone, everywhere--- with several conditions:
1. make it a money making scheme
2. make it corporate governed with little government interference unless filtering suddenly becomes necessary
3. make it an advertising and marketing playground

Results? Well-- for one- the old adage of 'believe none of what you hear and half of what you see' is now to be challenged as the new era is one of 'misinformation'. It is surely becoming a source of entertainment and gossip, as much as tool of get rich quick schemers and fantasy sales. Basic knowledge has become merely tools for argumentative purpose to see how far the truth can be bent. When knowledge is insufficient, digital technologies are used to create a visual avatar so real and confusing, some cannot even distinguish the differences. Thus the lines of reality and fiction have become more grey and indistinct--- as much as the knowledge we once worked so hard to gain.

Even in graduate schools around the world, the advancements are based on whose arguments were the most undefeatable - not necessarily with the most proven number of tests (most defendable, not just 'defensible'). Patience has become a lost art and as quickly as one can become 'first to market (or the Internet)', well, certainly, that is the same amount of time in which people will have forgotten any perjuries or lies or mistruths that one person may have told to become 'first to market'.

We seem in a world in which truth is no longer an honor and mediocrity has become sainted in a shameful way because it is simpler to claim a post by boastfully braggadocios means than it is to study, work hard, take time and earn respect. Yet, society continues to demand faster and faster speeds --

I wonder only, is this how we will fulfill the Mayan prophecy? Will we once again forget all that has been learned and created to have to rebuild from our forgotten status once more??

peaceable and human-- attainable if we all so choose----

Today’s world economics (corporate) and political campaigns are based on indulging upon advantageous moments of instability (to easily find salve labour, cheap resources, and to justify class structure of the wealth of one country vs. another, etc) – ie: it is based on instabiliy and war as the engine to control internationl ‘hierarchies’ and keep the primary largest corporate ‘home’ stations (nations) at the top. Thus world peace would destroy their model...

However- what if-- just what if our spiritual needs were awakened into the physical form?

Our spiritual selves do not so much require the excesses of luxury cars and mansions with exquisite furnishings. Gold and excesses are things of physical substitution, not necessarily a spiritual manifestation. When our souls and our consciousness disconnect, we may tend to fill our emptiness with diversions of the moment. Where does it say we require the mercedes and the caviar to survive? Why does a diamond give us a sense of title? How did we achieve such 'things' (if it has happened?)

Oftimes, the laws of economics begin with discussion of supply vs. demand. We, as the human subjugates of the corporate engines, are taught to 'create' the demand. It is our demand that creates the supply. Sometimes, the demand is in the name of life. Other times, it is to fill us with a few seconds of transitory satisfaction--- that passes.

If we were to fill our moments of need with human fulfillment and spiritual awareness... what would happen to the corporate laws of economics? How much more or less would the resources of the planet be needed? Would we need to covet our neighbor's new things???

Where in lies corporate function in this society except to feed primal insecurities and give into sociologic dog pack mentality?

WSJ printed a pity article today about the inner workings of Goldman Sach's 'partner's' circle and woe are they who will get demoted and become psychologically traumatized. The average salary is $200K annum and partner's make millions per year in bonuses. If you are 'demoted', you lose your bonus. If you are still 'popular', you will be told secretly and given the option for other company roles as non-partner or to have the choice to find another position and exit quietly. If you are not- well, surprise or you might be completely let go. Here's the catch- the psychological justification is to support the newest, hungriest, most profit returning 'talent'- however, they want high turnover to keep things 'fresh'. So each new 'inner' circle is supposed to be decided every 1 to 2 years, by an existing fraction of the current 'inner' circle. Thus, spreadout all over, people like Senator Corzine, Treasury Sec's Rubin and Paulson--- all former 'partners'.
However, think about it-- each 'inner' circle, selects the next inner circle.. etc. Has anyone noticed how in human pack mentality- conformity and group justification, not individuality or leadership, becomes the club's unwritten rules for inner acceptance? It has become the new feudalism selection process-- beyond marriage and chivalry, selling one's soul to the corporate ladder with a little nepotistic assistance seems the way to the privileged life. A new system of 'residency' that will secure the future of the money chain- the same one the general public has been trained to 'invest into', to 'trust', to 'bank with' and to build 'retirement funds' with. The same one the US government 'bailed out' to save the economy with.
Then they breed that trained neo-consciousness without their souls- and move into politics, other executive positions and create new corporations in the likeness and image of their first. They have learned to know one way of life, ‘live to make money’, and cannot step outside the boundaries into the unknown as their lives are conditioned and conditionally lived to served the corporate profit turns.

and many wonder why the system is such a mess—
So how does one help these people find a soul? Do they even want to feel anymore? Have they ever tasted water from a natural stream, watched animals at play outside of a zoo or video, ever felt the joy of completing a task of creative endeavor of their own making? Will they be given a chance to understand or experience the depths of all life has to offer?

a thought for the moment...

To think of places considered undeveloped or lost in the sense of current civilization, many often imagine ruins and third world countries full of destitute and hungry souls. One is taught by the media and conditioning to envision the depravity while appreciating the fortune of a full belly.

When traveling to such places, ofttimes, it is not the vision of the hunger and lack of materialism seen in the faces of the people. Often, it is the determination of life and the satisfaction of accomplishing each day in the fulfillment of living that day. When speaking to the children and young adults that have been exposed to western culture (USA and Europe) -- they have questions about giant buildings, man-made giant machines and the soul-less mass produced creations of large companies. They were once convinced to associate these things with wealth and satisfaction in life. Most of these things are very distant and removed from them, merely some physical man-made item that might someday be accessible or useful. These things do not have pet names, imaginary personas and are not quite an absolute necessity of their existence. Yet in continued conversation, one learns their souls are full, their lungs breathe air deeply and their hearts are happy.

Strolling around Manhattan in New York City, USA, today, I made a different observation. Every material creation is available within a few blocks. Every natural item, even food, is repositioned or recreated to be made into some form of visual enticement, advertising it as an 'additionally' beneficial item, whether necessary or not. Everything is for sale-- and everything has a price tag. There is nothing truly priceless, not even people or souls.

Here, I saw a number of souls half-full or with spaces, hearts in flux or worry and many smiles with emptiness. And here I observed many cars with pet names, computers with personas and multi-media phones taking precedence over basic neighborly greetings or having dinner as a family. There were also many with allergy pills, inhalers for COPD and many in a rush to swallow food without chewing, let alone taking the time to breathe while speaking on a phone. The conversation often heard was about lack of companionship, lack of time, lack of money. There were too many dreaming and wishing interest in other places in the world with cultures who demanded respecting time to live and experience life.

We are a forgetful lot--- and I wonder if I will know when I have 'enough' for satisfaction in the place I happen to be, instead of longing for what is elsewhere in a foreign land?

walking in a dual path

The first thing to question is, are we spiritual humans in physical form, or spirits temporarily captured in human physical form?

The next thing to ask is, do we recognize the spiritual self may not be a singular individual entity? That it actually may be connected to the greater universe?

If the above is accepted and known-- and exercised -- it could be possible to tap into something much more than this world of houses, cars, bills, society, work and technology. But it seems it can be also a burden, as so many of the great spiritual leaders lived outside of the norms of their society, answering to a different call. Our physical life, our societal demands, have besieged us with thoughts of expectations of the material kind. However, if we are destined to be spiritual messengers on a physical mission, how can the material values be of benefit when we are returned to the spiritual mission? What might the actual physical missions be?

I often wonder this as I explore the multiple, repetitious history of mankind. We seem to have evolved physically to an extent, yet, spiritually, we doom ourselves to the same cycle of egoism, power wagers, material hoarding and continue to live with a behavioral attitude based on fear of scarcity (of food, of water, of warmth, of comparison, of companionship, of shelter, etc.) Why do we choose to forget the mistakes of our physical ancestors and defy the thought that life is a continuum of cyclical evolution of energy? What if in the idea of reincarnation, we are 'spiritual students' who are to repeat each cycle of life until becoming a complete 'senescent adult'? If so, how many cycles would it take for those of us who exist with our behavior in this world?

They say we cannot carry the material world with us, as much as the remains of the pyramids of the Egyptian Pharoahs have shown us. Those things made of matter remain in forms of matter. Our spirit might be considered a form of 'anti-matter' (though some sciences have suggested there might be a measureable 'quantifying' value of matter to the 'soul'). Even the children and the children's children will one day succumb to the impermanence of life and only carry the wonderful memories and experiences to the 'non-form' world of the spirit. What is it then that we should represent? Why is it that we exhaust so much in worry on hoarding values of the physical world?

how can global peace be found outside without knowing peace inside?

Where has compassion and congeniality gone? Where is the truth of peaceable solutions and resolve? Where is there a moment of peace without a political or corporatized under current? When is 'enough' realized?
The modern “western” world of mass production, rapid transit and instantaneous services has brought about an air of convenience and personal convictions of desire. Dreams are made to not be broken, but to be made and outdone. Rewards are materialistic and spontaneity has become a norm. Conversation is restricted to the ‘new’ shortened language (as seemingly predicted by Orwell) in the form of SMS, email and informal slang--- of which, actual translation and interpretation of the person, becomes lost to overwhelming pushes of spam that divide our attention. Our sights become shorter in distance and the essence of origin and humility is forgotten to endless consumption without grace or gratefulness. All these ‘neo-philosophical commandments’, not for humanity or inner growth but rather, justified by the idea that we must forge human survival on profit and business.
In the midst of the ‘new order’, the medical annals continue to study the population’s increasingly disturbed symptoms in reaction to stress. It has been compared to ‘fright or flight’ syndrome. So many personal acquaintances are often speaking of how they ‘wish to get away’, ‘wish for another life’, ‘wish to be at another job’, ‘wish to be with someone else’, ‘wish to be someone else’. These are not necessarily ‘dreams’ to be fulfilled, but statements made as ordinary conversation. These are not wanton and needy persons, but rather, successful, well-to-do, competitive and ambitious people who state they love challenges and growth. They say they are grateful for their fortunate circumstances. Yet, they continue to feel amiss.
It is here I cannot help but wonder--- what is the state of their inner being they have not yet recognized the essence of the challenges, yet fortuitous karma they have been given? Perhaps in another life they suffered, endured and have been rewarded this time. Yet, in this ‘reward’, all the suffering forgotten, they long for more. They have been taught to run and move away from bad roommates in college, to separate from materially non-fulfilling relationships, to switch positions or companies from ‘bad boss syndromes’. Nothing is good enough, nothing is satisfying enough. Once is not enough. Life is not enough. Conversation is a ‘lost art’ and reality television or glamour gossip has replaced life with global conviction.
How fortunate we are, to afford to move or separate so easily? Some have become financially so ‘successful’ that they can buy their future away from negative fate itself. If they must face any discourse or anxiety, they need not face the challenge of truly communicating to find peace, but rather, can purchase ‘masker’ prescriptions or simply, ‘find another place to live’. Yet, unlike centuries past, we are able to move thousands of miles in a day with a little preparation, or, for the affluent, immediately if assistance is purchased. It seems some have become quite adept at ‘flight’ and live a constant state of ‘fright’ of conflict, ‘ugliness’, disagreeable terms or situations not to one’s pleasure.
Yet after the ‘flight’, the conflict does not seem to end. Instead, there is a continuous air of inner ‘non-security’, the fright. “Talk is cheap” is the mantra and conversation remains shallow at best.
I cannot but beg to ask, how is it the world has been ‘trained’ to emulate the neo-modern ‘western’ culture of spoils, in the quest of global peace? There is nothing wrong with seeking successes over ambition, but what of the inner balance that must so often be cast aside for the chance to seek glory in a material world. But what of those that do not remember their way to the inner world? Why has it become necessary to know the things of the 'convenience society' or of the 'rich and famous' to find self-worth?
How can peace be found or realized in such state?

human spiritual evolution

In the course of human events, the Maya describe how the 'world' as we know it has been destroyed in several civilizations and we are about to embark on yet another destruction. More accurately, human generated self-destruction. We may blame it on a lexicon of events-- as though we enter the nexuses and cannot continue. Perhaps there is another thought to consider. It seems humanity itself, like children wide-eyed by their first sense of control over a toy or mastering the first sand castle, enjoys the thrills of power and envelopment of existence to their command. The sheer joy and pleasure of the physical begs us to turn away from a universal consciousness that drives our inner spirits-- the spiritual world. We are so concerned with advancements of the physical world through technology, education (as we define it), finances, expansion-- that it seems the very balance of the physical and spiritual is condemned by most of the 'developed civilizations'.

I question then, what have we learned from history of previous great 'civilizations'? Many were formidably advanced for their times. We have yet to explain the mysteries of how pyramids and strange devices were built in Egypt. But each society ended as it found itself in a moment of emptiness of spirit as chaos lay before them. To me, it seems each society had evolved their physical and material ends but never quite found way to evolve their spiritual balances.

I suppose I wonder if that is the same status now? The precipices of the positive values of all the religions around the world (including those that I may not be fond of, considered modern 'cults') -- are always founded on principles of good. Along the way though, the physical values for material culture seemed to have crept in, as a hierarchy develops in each religion, requiring a power struggle and structure. It seems humanity cannot function without a contrived structure and a human derived, human judged system of values. We seem to fear not being able to place a judgement value on all things and persons more than fearing the chaos that we think will occur if we do not have this. Yet all of these labels were historically set into place as power plays by other humans.

What if, to save humanity, it is these very values and historically predetermined, unevolved spiritual values that are the things that deny us the peaceful unity we seek? What if we were able to teach each other ways to connect to the universal consciousness that we would find the confidence to know we are fulfilling the destiny we were born to follow? What if to do so, means to deny the value systems in place by the currently large organized and accepted 'religions' of the world?

This is in no way to negate their functions. Again, the precipices were founded on positive principles. But perhaps these have become tainted by the powerplays of humans along the way. Perhaps, it is time to allow a spiritual evolution that questions rules set by humans not free of their child-self 'ids'.

In a spiritual evolution, there must be consideration that we are all from the source of the same universal consciousness, we are all potentially constructed of molecules from the original 'Big Bang' and that we all potentially may contain a 'spark' of an atomic energy from the original source, that Christians may call God and the Holy Spirit. That would logically mean we could all tap into a 'God soul'-- a connected, perfect soul--- that would guide us to our purpose.

It is a fearful thing to trust and allow this. It could mean that centuries of human faith may be proven shallow and immaterial to the sense of universal flow. It may mean those in the upper eschelon of societies are actually the most lost, misdirected and impassionate. It could strike a blow in each of us if we find all of our beloved comfort levels of acceptability, terms of behavior, laws and assumed values of right and wrong--- no longer matter.

But what if? What if this is the path to enlightenment? To discard all the things the physical has taught us, to find the unity of the spirit and the body by accepting a higher sense of order that is beyond our capacity to see and describe in human form?

What are we in the scheme of things?

Many times were spent under a tree or walking alone in a mountain forest pondering what might be the total essence of the 'whole person'. Sure, each are born, raised, taught, influenced, guided, grown and set on a path to propagate the cycle. Every 'living' creature (or plant) is given that task. Yet, what else? What more? Somehow, there is this interconnectedness that mates each of our existences into the universe, as bound by a duty on this planet surviving in it's biosphere by an underlying symbiosis of life. Surely, there must be more?

Here in lies my personal quest. Countless hours, lost moments spent on the visions from deep dreams of another time at night, while thoughts sent from an unknown would permeate conscious meditation. In between, the doldrums of school, life activities, work, relationships would suffice to fill the time when the mind needed respite from the altered connection to the unknown that could not be described.

I suppose by some standards, there are those who would laughingly call this a form of insanity or perhaps a drug induced psychosis, especially 30 to 40 years ago. Perhaps, as I was certainly in a non-standard, abusive household with more than its share of difficulties. Yet, I fulfilled all of life's little physical 'tasks' as the 'perfect child' for years, labeled as gifted in music, in arts, in scholastics and aptitude, athletic, creative, accomplished. I performed over two dozen instruments, sang, won ribbons in science fairs, skipped grades and scored highly on tests. And learned to cut and perm hair, alter clothing, make costumes, and even cook fancy meals, bake and decorate cakes along the way. And I rebeled lightly in the teen years during college, then continued on my own life path soon after graduation. Of course I made a lot of mistakes along the way and made choices that many would question, but I could only make the choices that seem right for me to follow after a while. Physical life becomes just that eventually, for everyone I suppose. Considering all of the events, actually, the standards of pressures placed on today's children, I would be quite ordinary. And as ordinary, I did not stand out too much, or become famous (or 'infamous' for that matter), or known as more than 'ordinary'.

Oddly enough, I did find it strange that many things came easily to me. I would 'hear' music and compose. It was as though an unseen guide would tell me how to solve many problems. Not everything was perfectly easy, of course, but it was like there was something there to move my thoughts, my hands and energy into place when it was needed. I've heard some others speak or write about that, but these are the things that are not quite explicable in this world.

It begs again the question, what is this unseen, unknown connection? Why was it here to assist me, or was I 'gifted' with a connection to it? The 'unknown' guide was like a grand consciousness that would sometimes give me hints along the way. For example, I had a horrible vision of a bridge collapsing due to an earthquake. Thirty days later, there was the same bridge from the earthquake in California in the late eighties. Sometimes, I'd feel the need to phone or visit someone and that person was indeed needy, or at a time of passing. Another time, I painted an outlandish modern styled painting. It was painted in the late eighties. Eerily, it had the picture of an airplane flying into two towers in a setting that seemed like NYC, but the ground below became a sink hole and the earth was swallowing masses of material pleasures with it. Even I'd forgotten the subject matter until after...

There are many records of people around the world with small coincidences (or larger ones), or psychics and the search for the connection to the unknown, God, Allah, Buddha, enlightenment, nirvana, the afterlife---- There are many people more sensitive and unable to function in this physical world. There are those who deliberately choose to ignore the unknown. However so, we are all interlinked in an amazing discovery life pattern that weaves all of our energies into a complex larger unit of life. Some can visualize this during meditation. Indigenous and mystics have called this a series of light tunnels, connections or web--- each linking every unit of life together into a synchronized universe for better or worse. Death and life, negative and positive, balance within this form to continue the momentum of life.

It seems then there is a universal consciousness, as some would say that would direct such. In this vast measure of things, we can only imagine the microcosm of a unit that each of us are. Yet, how vital, as if all of those connections would be suddenly interrupted, if we were to 'disconnect' from the giant web of energy bonds.

So again, in this perspective, what are we in the scheme of things? To which I can only assume-
to each his/her own destiny; to each, his/her own discovery.