Humanity is a beautiful trait with many ups and downs, laughter, surprises and smiles-- but also then there is this uncontrollable scream and depth of impatience that might be read as fear. This is what I don't understand!
There are days of calming peaceful motions, in successive moments from one path to another. Achievements and new goals that make up a fulfilling day, ending to rest upon an idyllic down pillow so the subconscious might connect and dream. And then to feel the positive flow of glimpses into a perfect symmetry that promises synchronicity to a universal channel that is my soul's personal two-way radio to a divinity so omni-potent and glorious, we cannot but know the universe simply "loves".
Then-- there are the other days; I don't understand when the static grows and I am lost in a disconnect, cut off from the vibrations that would normally guide me. Is this the test? Am I cut off to become challenged for my own instincts? Is it a chain of events that questions our deserving nature?
I am about to enter another decade of life -- another milestone that is often looked upon as declining moments of desirability in the eyes of an opposite attraction. Yet it is I wondering if I have earned the wisdom to be considered in depreciable physical form. My mind wanders the tunnels of the dreams of a number long gone-- a youth wasted as an inferior subjugated to the social and political foundation of the 'adults' before me. Then the fear and anger washes over and I realize myself no better than those same humans I might find disdain for at times-- --
those same persons that founded the confusion and chaos I struggle to survive in, with the same trails of loneliness that would divide us from peaceable humanity. And I am disconnected from the beauty that would be the definition of ultimate love in the universe.
And then once again, sometimes-- I don't understand being human.
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