how do we carry our mental baggage?

It’s so funny how we entertain the notion that once becoming an ‘adult’, we are mentally equipped to make logical decisions and choices based on experiences and maturity. Sometimes, we forget we are just children in grown up bodies.

You see, it’s a funny balance between dreaming our future and being in our reality. The truth finds itself in a scheming balance shifting between the struggles of staying in a comfort zone of our childhood memories while struggling to evolve into the revolution of the future we dreamt of becoming. Then somewhere in all of that, the constant vortex of our perception of events in time, robs our memories and dwindles down achievements into ‘passing phases’, or in the worst cases, explodes and expands our most embarrassing and worst failures into a catastrophic occasion that blinds us to the next creative moment. Assuming, that is, if we are strong enough to maintain memories of those events at all, as sadly some recall nothing by choice or, from trauma.

You see, whether our lives are scripted by destiny or not, we each, uniquely endure a series of specific experiences along our paths that serve as markers to shape and define our future selves. Sometimes, these ‘tests’ are easy, sometimes not. Regardless, our reaction to those events, ultimately are choices specific to being truly our own. Even when forced into a physically brutal or harmful situation, how we ‘choose’ to survive or die in that situation is our own. We can choose to live or die in perpetual trauma, or within our own peace. It seems out of our control, but ultimately, we answer to only our own body, mind and soul--- at the very moment, whether we give ourselves up to the universe or not.

Using a simpler example, I found myself contemplating how I tend to categorize new people I meet on first impressions based on my ‘lifetime experiences’. Someone who speaks with particularly good vocal control, reminds me of singers, so I will want to ask them if they are musically inclined. Someone who exudes less confidence in the eyes tends to remind me of shy children, so I tend to wonder how evolved they are. (Note—I am very, very cautious to not be blatant in my ‘examining’ – but let’s face it—WE ALL DO THIS consciously or not. You know—“sizing someone up”) ----

Is this behavior wrong? Not entirely--- as it is a primordial, underlying instinct within us, for socialization and for self-protective reasons. We are human—we DO mentally compartmentalize and categorize people, places and things around us--- we DO also categorize behaviors and habits. (Otherwise, we would not have an entire field of statistics and would not be trying to constantly force children to behave within a ‘statistical norm’ and also, perhaps we wouldn’t be trying to force falsified stock values all the time!) However, HOW we CHOOSE to react upon initial assessment--- could imply an outcome we didn’t expect.

How we react depends on the amount of mental baggage carried. Negative memories create walls and blocks that may deny us new experiences. Too many positive pastimes might create an open and free quality that offers our unsuspecting selves up to potential dangerous encounters.

Mental baggage can be positive or negative --- it can teach us or stifle us. It can stop us from respecting ourselves, which then creates a conflict within--- that is then imparted onto others. Like children, we can unknowingly bark at a stranger when we are feeling badly about ourselves. (Has anyone ever screamed at an anonymous and persistent telemarketer who unwittingly calls at the moment of a catastrophe?) Many also tend to have a negative habit of assuming their shortcomings can be blamed on someone else or saved by someone else. How many companies teach us to ‘find someone to blame’? How many times did children have their mother and father coming to save them? How many people count on faith alone, with no self-effort (‘winning the lottery’?)

Point is, when we self-evaluate incorrectly and decide to not learn from our experiences and then do not look within ourselves for the balancing message, we are testing our own self-confidence. Comparing ourselves to the outside, to other people and their ‘similar experiences’ – leaves us open to subconsciously react outwardly to assume repeat experiences can occur through the influences of other people. It is not up to ‘them’ to feed our confidence, nor is it up to them to fix our inner problems. It is not up to ‘them’
to give us solutions to what we might perceive as our failures. It is not up to ‘them’ to help us stop judging ourselves.

Maybe realistically—
we need to dream a possible future that won’t get lost in our realities and to actuate the reality of the dream by responsible work from within ourselves first. We need to unload some of the mental baggage and carry only that we can haul on long journeys in order to make room for positive interactions within this world. We do not need to force ourselves to carry the wounds and guilt forever—they were teaching tools. Any accolades and jubilations that swell our heads into a fixed state without momentum, is also something unnecessary. We need to understand moments are transitory, passing phases in our lives to guide us into the new evolution. And each of us, has our own to be nurtured, respected, and honored, so we can do the same with those of others.

Without these self-affirmations, we may never find peace, as our lives remain unfulfilled in search of things that cannot be seen or bought or forced.

So how do you carry your mental baggage?