The internet is an amazing tool. In the morning I was able to chat briefly with a friend in Mexico. So we were able to quickly say hello, say the usual small talk, catch up on mutual friends -- and then have that moment of human connection as he candidly discussed his ambivalence towards actually being part of a partnering relationship (as in, boyfriend, girlfriend.) Interestingly, though he mentioned he just could not find 'the right one', he also mentioned his unwillingness for a number of potential issues in a relationship --- he doesn't want to bring children into this world of chaos and distress, he prefers and enjoys casual sex with whomever he should choose, rather than be bound, he cherishes his independence. And he is quite honest about it.
Hmmm. On one side, how very refreshing but then, how very, very familiar. This fellow resides in the heartland of Mexico--- an astute, appealing guy with charm and wit--- but remains, faithfully to his own, not willing to give up on a bachelorhood even later in life than most. He is not alone, however-- as he tends to live with family or stay with friends. Is this a symptom of the "Peter Pan syndrome" we so often complain of in the states, or perhaps-- the struggle of a soul in search of reason in a world without heros and guardians to bring us hope?
In today's world, we see every reason to argue a new definition for the same word. Relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, love. Each means a different connotation to each listener and speaker. In the beauty of our booming population and technogear, we have been blessed with the potential for communications like never before, but to what depth? Movies and commerciality has even laid claim to stake an interest in those things human such as love. The whole word is obsessed with what love should be, what a family should be, what sex should be. They even sell us the notion of who we should be. The role models are plasticene inventions on celluloid strips that become DVD's as each behavior is assigned a metaphoric price tag in the new system of rewards. Marriage and divorce becomes a competitive sport (and costly!) that keeps business booming in judicial, retail, housing and match-maker sectors. Still, in most cases, if one were to ask a current or former spouse to describe their partner's soul.....
Then the question -- what is love?
Spiritually, it is that which is undescribable, fullfilling, needing, binding, calming, nuturing, communicating, placating... everything.
To love oneself, seems often that. It is the word merely used to describe all of those 'warm and fuzzy' feelings that brings confidence, joy, knowing and positive outlook, yet so much more. It is to be comfortable with one's own truth in accomplishments, destinies, or failures. It is accepting. Even a most brutal criminal can love him/herself, while the most honored, loving and angelic person can be unnerved and wavering unto themselves. Even in this sense, it is a most unique and singular event unable to be truly described.
Ah... but then-- bring into a circle of self-love (or self-unlove) another person's experience--- the partner, or child, or new family members. Complications!!!
Why is this so hard? We all feel it at least some of the time, we crave it most of the time and we try to cherish it when we have it. When seeking it, sometimes we are not ready (especially if we are in a state of self-nonlove) and sometimes, it finds us, ready or not. Sometimes we are blind to it and sometimes we take it for granted, unable to do more. Some people even profess love is a fable that does not exist, to run from the duty to find it in themselves or others. Some choose to identify love with only the sexual act and defy the point of spiritual contact or emotional associations.
How can we possibly be all wrong? Or right? What possible communication could we make to bridge the chaos? Isn’t love supposed to actually enhance understanding and communication?
This is when a thought occurred. A spectacular vision of the flower, Love-Lies-Bleeding, entered the mind. Gracefully swaying tall in sun, growing in most harsh or kind conditions, it flowers glorious clusters of tiny red flowers that seed a rich, nourishing food for the natives of the Latin Americas. It was once hailed as a gift from Pachamama and still remains a staple in many parts of the Andes. It can be steamed, puffed, salted or sweetened, and is classified an herb more than a grain due to its rich nutrient and protein content. However, this plant also known as amaranth, once a spiritual and physical icon for the natives, was turned into a point of power and given a physically quantifiable value. It is said the Conquistadors spreading their Christian values would cut off the hand of a native who possessed even one seed in some areas, as the amaranth held symbolic importance in native religious ceremonies. Yet these same Conquistadors found the red flowers so tantalizing it was marketed and to Europe’s most fashionable houses as the most sought after, “Love-Lies-Bleeding”.
How interesting a plant of native spirituality would be attempting to teach us a lesson to this moment in time? In the days of the Incas and Aztecs, Pachamama graciously provided this magical plant to nourish the body and soul. As red as blood from the heart, it’s edible essence and hearty growth brought life and sustenance, symbolic of the loving care given to the people living with Pachamama. As it was stolen from its land, and possessed with man made values, its power grew. But so did the desires of those wishing to possess it. As it was stripped of its true nature, its value reassigned and dissected from its original purpose, it became lost among the landscaped gardens from Spain to England. And in period times, it became symbolic of the love that attempts survival, yet so easily blown away, dripping in tiny pebbles to the ground, only to become a memory of a season past. This remains to this day, as the flower is considered symbolic of ‘hopelessness’. It has been redefined into a shallow substance of things that would slip away into a desolate and despairing human perception of loss.
Yet, as the human need for survival has found new ground and we seek alternate sources of pure nourishment in these overpopulated times, there is a revival of the amazing nourishment value the humble amaranth provides. Even after all the suffering and defamation, she is reborn a modern miraculous gift from nature, a wondrous ‘ancient grain’ for the health hungry. Amaranth’s once sought after value for monetary gains are days of old and returning to her true self nature and purpose, her original gifts to humanity are found. Again, it becomes a ‘loving gift from nature’, as though it never lost its place. And it finds a peaceful relationship, with the human 'others' again, instead of remaining a trapped prisoner out of its own comfort zone.
If one were to think that perhaps we cannot find contented roles and relationships with our own environment unless we also move into our own true self nature. I would suppose that is where the thought comes from, “one cannot truly love another until one loves their own self,” no matter the labels or values placed upon us. However, unlike the amaranth, often we forget we are the master's of our own destiny and not prisoners of our circumstance. In that case, there is not a 'right or wrong' by definition, only a responsibility to respond to our inner self-love and then acknowledge that intuitive communication to nuture potential relationships surrounding us at any given moment. Instead of hopelessness, we can command our place and actions into hope as we find our truth and beauty within.
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