self-imprisoned by guilt

In my travels and curious nature, I have been fortunate to meet many types of people from all walks of life. Some embrace me, some reject me--- there are those who become acquaintances, some become life long friends and others are friends of the moment. Each has a story to tell--- each shares a moment of 'human-ness' with me, as I do with them. Interestingly, there are many who seek to speak to me for the sanity of knowing a different life from theirs, as each of us seem to do. However, the most unusual to me, are those in such blessed condition of fortunes, that they carry guilt within their hearts as heavy as the gold they store.

Many of those I've met with such guilt, are educated very well, cultured, diverse in talents and have experienced things in life that only a few privileged souls will ever see. They have dined with billionaires and dignitaries, seen seven or more wonders of the world and ridden or slept in the most luxurious creations of human imagination. Yet, they have deep hearts and generosity, willing to care for more than they are able to handle, eventually, forgetting their own selves in the process. Yet, they still cry of their emptiness, sadness--- often in therapy or medicated for various disorders associated with depression. Their hands are soft and pedicured, while their backs remain youthful from lack of hard labour and massages to stimulate the need for youth.

In sadness, vision bears only what their consciousness chooses to see as the fear of the unknown and their emptiness, a great darkness, becomes their own enemy. The things taught of how they 'should be' from private schools and etiquette lessons anchor their spirits into a restrain they know not how to control. In their need to meet the demands of their families and social positions, they become employed or shown in circles that demand pristine appearance and proof of worthiness over genuine humanitarian out letting. Then a wanton piece deep within their soul sparks the sense of loneliness realized as their circle of friends define their daily life through expectations of their exterior---- not their inner selves. Suddenly a gripping guilt takes over within them and they cannot see their way---

All the years of pretenses and social graces were never able to explain to them their spiritual awakening or the possibility of a connectedness to something greater than the human physical form. Suddenly the cocktail dresses and the tuxedos, or the million dollar autos and multimillion dollar mansions and parties seem less meaningful and more transient than ever. Their indulgences become satiated for a moment when it is noticed that the other humans in their circle are not truly connected in a soulful manner to them... it is a shallow friendship at best.

It is here that guilt sets in and the socialite suddenly becomes the recluse. These changes in heart are not always found at the sight of abandoned hungry children in the outposts of barren and warring lands... it is the realization of an empty disconnection that might last forever. It is when they find their soul.

However, as much as they struggle, the temptation to blind their own perception with distractions of their social sets remain. The need to remain close to their material indulgences forces a grappling with their ethics and soul. They cannot find way to let go of those golden walls that have shielded them for so long. Guilt becomes their mainstay and their right of reason... and their despair.

I cannot express empathy but have much sympathy for friends who feel this despair. Often, those of us without such fortunes are quick to turn on them for their shallowness--- yet they know no other, having been taught only this way. For lack of their spiritual awareness all their lives, this is the best they can do--- choose to become 'lost' while listening to the first disturbances within their soul. Theirs, is a prison within and their deity unknown to them, is merely a boundary defined by guilt-- not by celebration and peace. Perhaps this is their lesson in this lifetime. Perhaps it is something reaching out to help them. Perhaps it is the universe asking the fortunate to awaken to the needs of the unfortunate.

Regardless, all of these remain signs of desires to seek balance in every level--- signs of a universal consciousness that is reaching out to all minds and corners--- and in the guilt of some there is hope for others, as eyes open to new experiences and ways...